Your Fear of Failure is Holding you back | EP 11

Welcome to Amai To Allow the Podcast. In fact, I love bananas. Not like that. You did, you did, you did, you did. You guys, this episode, this episode, this episode, I'm literally shaking. I am shaking from the cold, but also shaking from like, what I'm about to say, because I feel like I don't know where to start. I can do hard things, and I can accept when something isn't working out. In one of the episodes, I don't know if it's come out yet. We talk about failure and failing, and whether or not I've ever failed at something, and why I think I've failed or why I don't think I've failed. It is so cold right now. It's currently like what? 40, 30 degrees in New York City right now. It is winter. I am sitting on my balcony recording, and it's not working. I don't know what to cry. It's not working, and I don't know what I thought. I remember having a meeting with my management and team, and my manager said something that I stuck with me over a lot the entire time. She made a comment, love her down, and she said, like, oh, this is a whole production. I just thought that you're going to just film in your closet, pick up my mic, and just do it. And every time I talk to people around my team, they're always like, you're just doing a production. Like, what was you just grab a mic, sit in the closet, and do it. And I'm like, I'm an overachiever. Like, I am the oddity for a fing reason, man. Like, I want things that no one is thinking about. I want to do a podcast on the balcony. Is that feasible or not? I don't know. Let's find out. Let's put freaking lights this higher production team. Let's get a new director's cash, because I want to be a director sometime in my future. Let's set it up. Let's buy a neon sign. Let's do a podcast on the balcony. Maybe this might be the highest, get its world records for the highest level of podcasts I've ever been to film. That's not true. We tell people film on higher floors. Outdoors on the balcony. And I don't know. I really, really wanted this to work out, and it feels like it's not working out. I really, really wanted a podcast. Like, you guys, this was the goal. It's been a dream. I might do a lot with my dream for four years, and I took a stab at it. I did it. I have filmed, I think I've filmed up to 10 episodes already. Branding is exactly what I wanted, but it's just not working out. It's just not working out. I've seen a lot of comments about how people can tell I'm not comfortable, how people can tell that. It doesn't feel cozy. People can tell that I'm just not doing. I don't feel like me. And I'm like, no, I am me. I feel like this is me. This is what I enjoy doing. But I just don't think it's happening the way I wanted it to happen. So this is the end. That is crazy to say, because I don't give up, bro. I don't give up. I don't give up. I do not give up. If there's one, I literally called my friend Donald, who's standing there looking like he's about to cry. I called him yesterday, and I was like, what if I fail? I literally, I'm going to try to put a text on the screen. I literally told Donald, what if I fail? Like, what if this doesn't work out? What if I don't become the next female Kevin Hart? What if I don't, what if the oddity doesn't become an asshole? Name, what if I don't have my own TV show? What if I don't act? What if I don't meet Lupita Nyongo and Trevor Noah, random? I know. Hello, hello, fellow African here. Let's hang out. What if I don't meet my foundation? What if I don't get a house from my mom? What if I don't make her life comfortable? What if I fail? I don't want to fail, you guys. I do not want to fail. So yeah, this is the end of the road for this. I really wanted this to work out this way, and it didn't. And so I know when things I've been working out, and I know when to just call it quits. So your girl is calling it quits. I love you very much. Thank you so much for watching. Bye guys. Oh my god, that was hard. Lord have mercy. Oh my god, y'all. It's so hot in here. It's so cold. I'm so sad. What do you say? I don't know, because I really, really wish. I really wanted that to work out. It feels weird. It feels like I failed because it didn't work out. Is this okay? Yeah. Right? No, I think it does. Hold on a second. Wait, because I'm not cold. Yeah, they comfortable. I'm comfortable. I feel like I could like stick into this and like be cozy and chill. Does it look like we had to be honest? Well, that's so good. Does it still give out like the vibe of New York City? Yeah. Does it give like the vibe of like your cozy best friend on the couch just seeing about random things? This is how it would sit normally. Yeah. Oh, that is true. I don't want to be basic, though. I want to be different. This is my basic. Yeah. You have the sign on the back. Oh, put that there. Was that you? Yeah. Oh, , that's hard. Oh my God. So are you really doing this again? Yeah. Like version 2.0. Version 2.0? Yes, sir. Does it mean we failed in the first time? I think we should do it. I think I don't think it's failure if we keep trying. So I really want this to work. I really, I want to be the biggest podcaster in the world. I want black women to feel safe. I want women to feel safe. I want people to feel safe when they watch me. I want to make people smile. I want people happy. I want a space where you can come in, hit play, whether that's on Spotify, Apple Music, anywhere else. And you feel really loved. And you feel like, holy smokes. She's saying exactly what I thought of sometimes. So guess the balcony didn't work out. I guess what? I'm doing it. It's sad. Oh my God. Sorry, y'all. That was so dramatic. I know you have my. Don't know what says. I must not yell into the new mind. No, because we need to make sure that it's not like my love. I'm waiting so far away. Well, that's not. No, no, no, no. Oh, that's a good. I have a podcast. My don't play with you. Hello. I've been wondering if, after all, this year is you like to meet to go over. Everything. Year. Let's say the top. Okay. Copyright. Okay. I'm like a doll. I just love the heart. That's crazy. You burst out love. You cockled. Do you think I sound like a doll? Anyways, anyways. It's not like a doll. Hey guys, welcome back to my two-hour podcast with Sophie, aka the Audity. If you're new here, I've changed my set. I feel like because someone like Calder would be real comfortable. And I feel like I won't belt or fart. I feel like that is a possibility. But yeah, you guys, welcome back to the podcast. I genuinely feel a lot more comfortable. Now here's the thing. When I first started the podcast and everyone asked me what I wanted for the podcast, I literally was trying to figure out what a set looked like. And I really, really, really, really, really did not want to film in my apartment. I just felt like because I already filmed so much in my apartment, if you follow my vlog channel, you know, the Audity Diaries, shameless plug, really, really just didn't want to film. Because I'm always vlogging in my apartment. I felt like I wanted something different and new, the Audity is crazy. The Audity, right? And so for me, the whole point of filming on my balcony was because I wanted to differently, I never used my balcony. I'm never out there. It was going to be like a really like bold, new, fun thing to do. And we started launching this in the fall. And we even thought about the winter. And I was like, it will be fun to like film the podcast even when it's snowing because it would look really pretty. But I guess that is where we talk about creativity versus execution. Right? Because there's certain times when you feel like you really, really want to create something. But that executing part gets tough. For me, everybody I told who was like a producer when I was like, I really, really want to film on my balcony. They're like, girl, just filming your apartment. You still have the gorgeous view. You still have all these things. Just do it anyways. For me, I was like, no, because you're limiting my spark. Like I want to be ambiance. Okay. If I want really tall lights, figure it out and get me really tall lights. And so I really wanted to launch on the balcony. I felt like it was different. You all thought it was really, really cool. But I won't say nobody gave it flying fuck. Nobody cared. Nobody cared about me. I was telling you, I was expecting someone to be like, yo, that's a fire set. Yo, that's lit first balcony podcast. No, nobody really gave a shit. Why do you think that is them? I don't know. I don't want to even like try to argue or think about it. I just know nobody cared. So for me, it was just random. I was like, oh, fudge. We'll never mind then. And then when I say getting comments about people not feeling like I was comfortable talking because I was sitting outside. I was getting colder. The wind sometimes. I was like, you know what? They're actually not wrong. Like sometimes I need to bite the bullet and realize something is not working. And let's shift. So I just want to apologize to like four or five people who from the beginning were like, just do it on your couch with some lights up, sit down and just talk and have conversations. I tend to always want to go above and beyond when sometimes just actually being and seeing yourself where you are is okay. However, that also doesn't mean that you shouldn't try, right? And I think that's the whole point of this podcast episode because in this episode, we're going to be talking all about failure and trying and failing and trying and failing. And what that looks like because your girl has a weird, interesting relationship with failure. And I feel like we all sort of do. This is like the primary example of that. I think that's why this works out because for me, when I heard people tell me, don't do it. Like don't do it this way. Don't do it that way. Do it this way. And now it ends up being like, oh, they were right because I had to pivot and move. And now I'm doing this again in a whole different way. I feel like I failed. I'm like, damn, that idea failed. Like, but I don't think I feel because I think I'm trying. Like the idea for me is failure is only failure if you stop trying. The moment you stop trying, that's when I think you've given into the idea of failure. And I think for me, especially with this podcast, my goal is to be that space for a lot of creators, for a lot of people who are just one in escape from reality. If you hear me talk, you know, I can yap for days. I am very fluent in Japanese. I enjoy talking to people. I have very interesting perspectives. And I really, really tend to shy away from actually sharing my opinions and a lot of things. And for me, this podcast is my way of getting comfortable with sharing my opinions because I saw a video clip for Denzel Washington when he talked of on TikTok where he was talking about how he doesn't even have social media now because we're not meant to hear this many opinions from people around the world. Like, we grew up just hearing maybe our family's opinions maybe, and even then you had to respect the person to give a flying fudge. And now we're hearing like a million opinions about something. It's just to shape the way you think about yourself, a lot of people around you, and so on. So for me, I would always take people's opinions in. And it's interesting, because I feel like I'm also one of those opinion pieces in that noise. Do you think that's good or bad? I think it's interesting. I think that's the space we're in. Like the world is never going to be the same way it was 10 years ago. Oh, like 20 years ago. Yeah, or even ever. Yeah, I think it's normal now. I think it's good though, because it opens your horizons. It also lets people know that we're all the same somewhere. Yeah, oh my god, I can even do this and talk. You guys, I really like this now. It's weird. This is our first time attempting to film this way. But I will say, when Donald gave me this mic, I freaked out. If you're not watching the same distance as the audio, I'm currently using this like send hyzer long mic with a wire. And I'm sitting on my couch right now. If you're not watching, you should go click on the YouTube channel. I might too loud pod because that would, if you're watching to see exactly what happened, but I shifted from the balcony. If you actually, if you listen on Spotify, you wouldn't know any of this thing. So I think it's only the YouTube audience. So if you're seeing a video, JK Spotify has video now. Because Spotify is not Spotify for creators. So I don't think any of this should live in matters. However, if you've only ever listened to the podcast and audio, then let me try to describe what's happening right now. I'm seated on a green couch, which is my green couch. Also, if you have a girl in your life who has a green couch, she is bisexual. Super random. Just want to throw that out there. We're going to move on. So I'm sitting on my green couch. What? I have very comfy pillows behind me. I am Miranda Green hoodie, black leggings. Mine are one of my favorite rings from a very special person. My smiley face earrings. I have a beat ass face. Okay. I look stunning. I don't think I like sitting this way, because I think it has easy access for the fart to come out. Hey, I'm just letting you know. You know what? You're thinking of farting, but if you were sitting and the fart is compressed, it wouldn't come out. I feel like my butt is out. It feels like the fart can just go, and then it will just be out. So I might change my position when the point is, that's where I forgot what I was saying. What was I? What was this? What was this supposed to lead to? Oh, man. This is where so many is comfortable. This is why I was ADHD, y'all. Okay. Basically, what I was trying to say from the beginning that I've definitely forgot now, and I'm describing through the audio people where they're watching. Yes. And then, um, they have to be a reason. If you're one of the, you know, do you lovely people who listen to your audio? Don't know, guess really upset when he talks about the numbers on the podcast, because, yeah, so what if I had like eight downloads last week? Honestly, and he was very upset. Eighth of y'all, like... Eighth of... The eight people who watch us on Spotify, or listen to us on Spotify, shout out to you all for downloading. Also, that person who gave me, I don't know what star you gave me, but... Well, no, we're not 4.5. No, what is it? I thought it was 4.5. No, it's 4.9. Oh, it's 4.9. Don't blame me. 4.5 is crazy. No, it's not 4.9. Do you know how much they have to hate the podcast for you to be that rated that low? Let's go find it. I'm not even gonna play right now. You guys, this is so random. We're gonna get into the episode I promise. This is... Oh, my God. You guys, I feel like this is so much more better. I hate that the people were right. Like, I'm so mad they were right right now. Okay, so never mind. I take it back. Don't listen to this and then be like, Oh, she's upset. Now, I want to go... No, please, please rate us really highly, y'all. Like, I'm really, really, really proud of this podcast and like, how hard we're working on it. What are we talking about? Failure! Okay, let's talk about failure, you guys, because I don't know. I have an interest in religion and failure. You're right. I was bringing up this thing for a reason. So, my sitting now for audio. So, with video listeners, this to me felt like, Oh, I'm recording in my apartment. It's not like, boom. Like, the oddities here. Sophie's here. I want more. I want more. I want it more. And, um, I don't want to feel like I settled, but as I get comfortable right now, I'm realizing, I don't think I actually settled. I actually enjoy it. I'm just gonna talk about the reason why I remove it inside. Okay. First of all. I don't know, it always brings me back on track. I don't know, it's like, you're doing a lot for your back. It's difficult. Like, first of all, it's cold. It's freezing. Because honestly, I didn't find the cold. Honestly, I didn't find the cold. I don't know. You did? Yes. I really didn't find the cold. But I also, I wasn't ever comfortable. Yes. Now, I would say that. And we could, I think we had like, you know, our minds were like, okay, we're gonna set up, we're gonna film for 50 minutes, stretch it for an hour, and then we're done. Yeah, I know, yeah, yeah, that's true. Because I never, I really wasn't ever comfortable. I think for anything, I was just like, relax. I was just like, no, relax, but I felt a bit like stiff because I wanted to just get it over with. And it felt very mechanical. But here's the thing, oh my god, I might fart. Like, if you fart on the podcast, then you're getting like real Sophie. No, because I fart a lot. FYI, let's do this. So this will cover the fart. Is that weird? I don't. What happened to bad energy? Oh, shoot, wait! This is not bad energy. I'm so sorry, you guys. For context, we're gonna get into Sephora Squad because I had a lot to do it, failure for this episode. I am on a quest to be a baddie. And I'm gonna tell you why I'm on a quest. Now, everything I say right now is absolutely parody, slash satire. I absolutely know I'm a baddie, and I enjoy that I am an individual who likes what she likes and who was figuring life out. However, there is a left-titty in me who really, really, really, really, really just wants to be a baddie. Like, what I mean by that is like, here's a thing. Here's a thing. I am... I feel like maybe every episode just comes up. What are you laughing at? You know, because I'm just new to what you're saying. And I'm having a hard time putting it together. Because all I heard, you got to see the... And I'm like... Because your left-titty always acts up. I'm supposed to do that. It's a thing. I feel like your left-titty always acts up. That's on the point. You're such a man. For the two percent, you hear all this? You hear boobs all the time. You hear you. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Let me explain what I'm saying. Okay. Okay. So, for the left-titty in me, right? I just really, really feel like... Because I am a black woman in America, right? And I know I bring it up a lot. My identity is important to me. Not because I have to throw color out there for the world to see. Which, again, if you simply exist, you know what I look like. Well, because the dynamics in which I exist matter and how far I can go. Let me explain. So, I live in America. I am also of Nigerian descent. So, I do have the history of living in this space where I am the majority. I recognize that if I had the similar podcast in Nigeria, for a Nigerian or African audience, my reach is a lot larger. Larger than my reach would be here in America. Which is common sense, right? Because I'm not the majority here. Now, because of the way America is set up, it is harder for me to break into a market that doesn't see me as the star. Right? That's why you have outliers. You have a Viola Davis, a Garbio union. But even then, I'm pretty sure you can only probably name like 10 to 15 folks who have broken through to that level of star, like a Lupita Nyongo, of Stardom that we see like Trevor Noah within the American landscape. Well, you can probably count numerous and numerous and numerous white actors, actresses, producers, all that stuff. Because again, the majority population in America is white. I say all that because I recognize within just the fact that I am a black woman on this podcast, and this is a black woman lead podcast, right? And just my social media in general within the context of social media. If I looked a certain way, I have a higher chance of success than simply being me. That's not saying I'm changing myself. I just understand the reality, right? And so if we've been talking about failure, this is me when I'm thinking strategically and calculating. I'm not comparing myself, and I'm not saying any of these people are wrong. But there's a difference between how the body block aesthetic is. So like think about a Jackie Aina, a Clark, a more name, a Michael. The girls who can get their makeup done, who looks fantastic, who, you know, who just amazing women, right? And the, I like to say like the all-tay alternative, quirky, random, bright, bold black girls. Right? Because even within that minority group, that niche is also a minority. Does that make sense? And so it's harder for you to break through the minority first, and then even break even farther into the majority group. Does that make sense? I brought all of that into the conversation because I want to fart. And I don't really think Jackie Aina will fart on the podcast. You know what I mean? Honestly, honestly, let's not have a name drop Jackie. I don't think any woman would fart in the podcast, right? Or anybody, majority of the people in the world would not fart on the podcast. I really, I think we just edited it out. Now, I would fart on the podcast and keep it in. Now you're probably like, that's nasty. I do say it wasn't. Is it nasty though? Because you can't smell it. You just hear the sound. If anything, Donald might be the one who's like, damn, you shouldn't do that. That's not fair to me, right? But at the end of the day, like, who are you? You know what I mean? You stick it in. Because we all do it. Like everybody in the world farts. Why is farting a bad thing? Right. Oh my god. I do love that we're on the couch right now because I am just yapping. I am just talking. That's a good point though. Because we didn't find, you know, quick sidebar. Sidebar. Want my dad? Every time he would fart, he would tell us to tell him that he was sorry. That's torture. But I think like in family dynamics, like farting. We have that person who farted. Like my mom farts. Yeah. Like it's her thing. Like wet fart, soft fart, soft fart. Like humans fart. But there's a certain level of perception. It's true. It's a certain level of like put together as you need to have about it. So again, this is all came out because I want to fart and I'm also trying to be a baddie. Just for the blood. Don't fart. This is going down here fast. And I just really, really enjoy the fact that I want to keep that in. But also like, that's just a crazy sentiment. No, because you get. Oh, you can also pull it back. Okay. Tell me. What is it about farting? Yeah. Around people that makes us no one to do it. Do you think I was people? No, you just smell. No, but like, is this really connected to fear? No, baby. It just smells bad. Like you feel like they hear me. It's like coming out of you. You know, I think I think generally people are moving and they're farting a lot of the time. Everybody. People in the New York subway. People know how to fart. It's like. Like I. If you fart very nice. I know you guys. Let's talk about it real quick. Hold on. No, open that kind of alarm. No, we're going to open it. Okay. So I am a pretty dainty galley. Okay. Like I'm like five six on a good day. Five seven on a better day. Right. Okay. They're courageous. They're loud. Like, if I fart, y'all going to hear it. Like, it's not going to be soft. Donal's fars are so pretty. Like, yeah. Donal is like six, two, six, three. And don't know, fars was such. Honestly, you fart like a girl. Like you fart really young. Like you fart like you don't eat a lot. You're a diet. Your diet plays a huge role in how you fart. Don't know. That's what it is. Because what do you eat this morning? Eggs with heavy cream. Yeah. But I have your cream. It's like keto, isn't it? Yeah. No, no, no. That's what it is. Because I eat peanut butter with bananas and the sourdough bread. Mmm. So I do. It's sourdough. All right. Already, I know it's going to be bad. Anyways. Okay. We're done with the tangent. If you listen up to here. I'm so sorry. Um, this is just going to happen if I'm on the podcast now. Like on the couch. Okay. So we've accepted that. Um, we're not a failure. I'm not a failure. I am curious to see how this will go. Like just sitting here and talking and yapping. Because I'm really curious. And also like if we do end up having guests. I don't mind because before I already in my house, inviting them to come sit on the green couch. Because the green couch is so me. The painting is like, this is so me like this feels like me. Like everything on this couch right now is this. Yeah. The background. Oh, wait. The background. Uh, all of it. So we're pivoting. And I think the art of the pivot is something that I am learning. To not take to heart and just understand that like, that's just how life is. Yeah. Failure. Donald, what is failure? Let's get into the actual episode now. I think fear to me. Yeah. Stop him. Okay. That's a good one. That's true. Yeah. Like a motion. Like a motion. Motion. Like a motion. I think so. I think. What's in me actually Google it? What's actual meaning of failure? Actually, definition. Yeah. Let's see. You want success? Or do you a mission of expected or required action? Interesting. Unless I like lack of success. Okay. Because I think that is such a deep way of talking about failures. I don't think about failure as lack of success. Because to me, success is so far. You know what I mean? When you think of the word success and to succeed. If I think about it from the podcast perspective. To say this podcast is successful has to require a lot of things. Right? Like I would want like 100,000 downloads. Maybe to be signed by a podcast agency. Right? But what if something happens and then I stop now? Right? I would say I will say I failed. But if I keep trying. And like, when do I know of a spice level? So does that make sense? What I just said right now? Because I feel like the height. I love that that says that because we think of failure so close to home. When it's really not. Yeah. Because to hit yourself with the world, I am with the word to hit yourself with the word. I am a failure. It's so deep because you are not. You have not even continued on enough to reach that level of success that you're looking for. Even if you have it, if you reach a threshold. Right? So for example, if I say I want to launch a book. And I am currently 27 years old. And I haven't launched it yet. I'm not a failure right now. If I even start writing a book today, I'm not a failure. Yeah. If I write the book tomorrow, I'm not. If I write the book at 50. Or if I wait till I have to write the book, I have still not failed at it because I can still write the damn book. I said to it because like. Yeah. If you get some points where you decide to not write the book again. Right. So you failed at that project. Yeah. So again, the idea of like failure is simply not trying. Yeah. And the moment you quit basically is the moment you actually failed. And the funny thing about quitting is you can always start again. So you're never really quitting unless you truly, truly end something. I never pick it up again. And I don't think people are like that. I don't think a lot of people are like that. Unless you've truly given up. But to be alive and to live is to be constantly doing something. Right. So even if you ever had most of people who are watching this probably have an interest maybe in being a content creator. Right. And a lot of people will say I really want to start by doing what to fail. And I tell them the fact that you haven't started means you're letting yourself open the door to failure because you're not even trying yet. Like the moment you try, you're already reaching success because no matter what, you're already there. You failed to start. Right. I think another thing I wanted to, the other thing I wanted to add too is the, I think think about it like physics. I love physics. I wouldn't talk about energy, potential and kinetic energy. Yeah. Right. So something being subjective and objective. I think if you think about failure from a subjective or like success from a subjective point of view. Yeah. Like you said, right? 100,000. Yeah. But success is actually that continuous motion. It's the fact that you actually have, there's no potential of something that could happen. It's like every day you're gaining two subscribers. Yeah. 10 subscribers. And I think a lot of people are so fixated on the outcome. Yeah. Right. But there are a lot of things that factor in the outcome. They're like, it's so subjective, right? You can't control. I think that brings up like the recent sleep, the recent drama online with Sephora Squad. Right. So if you all know if you're listening to this, I think a month ago or so, because by the time you're listening to this podcast, it would have been like about a month or like less than that. But so for a squad is. It's an application grants program where bunch of mostly beauty mostly beauty and lifestyle creators come together and they apply to be on this. Maybe 25 or 20 or 50. I can't remember the amount of number. Right. We're for a whole year. You are a part of Sephora. Like you're working for Sephora with the brands. What this means is you have a ton of opportunities. And so to apply for the squad, you have to do an application, tell them why you're going to be a good fit. And then you seek out something called testimonials where you tell your followers, your friends, wherever to submit. Paragraph sentences, anything about you. So they're going to submit testimonials about you for them to say like, oh my god, you're a great fit. You should definitely be a part of the squad. The benefit of the squad is for you to get a bunch of brand deals for the year. People like leave their jobs once they get it because Sephora has a lot of brands under their umbrella. So you can get like five brand deals offered to you in a day. Right. And it's continuous. And then you have like a base amount of money you're going to get paid. So if you're a base, if you have a 100,000 followers and your base for each brand deal is $5,000 to $7,000. And you get 20 brand deal offers per day for the next year. You're a set for life. And of course, you're not going to get that much. But the idea is you're getting that opportunity because it's so narrow, so linear, so direct. The last Sephora squad was just announced. And the opera on social media was insane. I mean, the thing pieces were so much. Right around the people that were selected, folks who were bitter that they weren't, they didn't get it. Folks who were confused about the people they were selected, they selected. It was just a lot. And I remember having that conversation and saying, well, first of all, there's a certain level of entitlement that comes with. Creators now within this space about things like this, right? Like I should have gotten it because I am great to why did I get it and why did they get it? I also tried to remind people there's a ton of creators in the world. This is a billion dollar industry now for a reason. Everybody wants to be a creator. Even if you stand out, there are 20 million other people that stand out. That's one. Number two, it is okay to not get something now. You did not fail because you did not make something like that now because you can always try and try again. I know about five to seven people on the squad who are selected, who have applied three to five times, who never once said anything online about dissenting or being upset or they didn't get selected, because they knew if anything they were waiting their turn and they were trying. So for someone like me, for example, first year I applied, I was never doing any beauty content. So I didn't think I had a chance. This year when I applied, I have done a few beauty content pieces here and they're like, people think I'm a beauty creator. So I was like, oh, I might have a chance where I also was like, not really like I really don't do much. And so when I didn't get it, I was like, also I didn't try. And even if I tried and I didn't get it, I was still not say I failed because I'm like, this is always going to be a thing for the next year and the next chapter. So there's always going to be an opportunity to try. Now, I will say for Sephora specifically, there's one take from this creator, Nekishi, who said, well, basically the squad also points out the discrepancies of being a black creator, where if you're not like Patricia Bryant aesthetic or Jackie Aina aesthetic, you have a harder barrier for entry, which is factual, right? That's so true. Again, that doesn't negate the fact that you can still always try, right? Because society is always going to society. Brands are going to brand. Marketing is always going to market, right? I don't know whether it's the arrogance or audacity of being Nigerian or just being who I am. But the circumstances around something would never stop me from trying anyways, right? I would never count myself out because of what cars I am dealt. Does that make sense? So when I heard her take, she's absolutely right. Like, it's much easier to be an influencer if you have that aesthetic because that's aspirational content. But for me, I think it's even more special when you keep at it, when you keep standing out, when you keep being who you are, because your time will come. My friend Cinderella OG is a great example of that. You might think Cindy is the Jackie Aina and Patricia Bryant aesthetic because she can do her makeup. Yes, she kills it at the makeup game. However, Cindy is also a great example of a creator who has always tried no matter what. Like, Cindy is an OG YouTube creator. Who has done the games? She was like, I hate to bring this as a comparison. But like, the only like parallel I can draw is like an Ella Rose when she started with her friend group. That was Cindy, right? She yet she could do makeup, but she was also doing like the hosting and the things with her friends and the games way before anything. And then she also did the beauty stuff and her editor insane. They're so intentional. They're so cool. They're so quirky. She's so vibrant. She's so natural. She's so herself. She's so vulnerable online. She's not necessarily that same aesthetic and she's constantly never changed herself. She's always just stuck to it and now she's a part of the squad, right? Like, that to me is something that makes me scream, wow. Like, that is admirable. You want to always retain your authenticity even through everything else that comes your way. Right. Yeah. So, rant over about it for a squad. So I wish more people did that. I wish more people sort of saw. This happens every year, right? Yes, every year. It's another opportunity. So why are people not facing? I think also feel very scary, right? Because a big, a big part of the squad and a big part of the failure in this instance is public, right? This is a huge thing with failure too. You can't know I feel there's something if I didn't tell you, right? So the Sephora Squad issue also stems from, or you ask people with testimonials, the failure, even though I don't think it's failure, it's not failure. The failure is louder because now your fans are like, oh, they just shared the list. You didn't get it. But this person did. Oh, you failed. You lost. They won. But you also knew that there was a chance you weren't going to get it. Yes. But this is a certain level of denusion that everybody has when you go into something. Like, when I apply for every grant, I'm going to get it. Like, why would I get it? I mean, if I don't get it, like the amount of grants I've applied for that I haven't gotten, I would never say it. Right. Sometimes I probably do. You know what I mean? I probably have said, oh, I'm doing this and doing that, right? But there's multiple who don't. So I think the issue is the first squad. And why this was such a big deal this year is because, of course, opinion pieces of social media, especially TikTok, I've become more. Everybody wants to be heard in this space. Am I too loud? It's very strange because the people who are also like talking about it and they apply to you. Yeah. That's not good. I talked about that too. That's not a whole different focus. Like influencer 101, we're going to talk about it in the past. Yeah, because like, but yeah, that's not good strategy. I also don't fault them for it though. Like, I think there's a frustration that comes with the influencer world and like just trying to constantly fight for the little less. They are especially within like POC communities, brown communities, black communities as well. Because the pie is not big like across the board, right? Like if there's 100% pie within our community, excuse me, we're fighting for 30, maybe 45% excuse me at the same time. But with failure, I think the biggest thing was the first squad was the fact that it was loud. Like it was announced, right? Like your failure feels a lot more public and that's where the shame part comes in. Because again, the police failure is to be ashamed of it, right? Like if I said, I think I've said I wanted to do a podcast, but I never really like poured into it. And I never said it out loud for one of us at the name. I never said when I was launching it. Because to me, if I said it, then I would fail if I didn't tell you all about it. And I'm glad now that even saying things like that out loud pushes me to want to keep going once and to do it. Because I think that's the biggest part of like navigating what failure could look like. What about the other creators? Because some creators are talking about how a lot of people that we selected were OG. Yes. And they had a lot of followers. This? And then another person said something about, you know, like in the regular, like your regular job, right? It's like when you don't 10 years in the game, you're expected to get more, right? And like you have like, you're probably a VP of that. Yeah. What do you have to do about it? There's a story I'm going to tell. There was one time, this was like two, three years ago, at a creator friend. It was a loose term for the person I'm talking about here. I think at the time I had 100,000 followers, maybe 150,000 followers on Instagram. And maybe like 100K on TikTok. She had one million on TikTok and maybe like 60 to 100K on Instagram. I was making, I think at the time I was making about 250, maybe 300,000 dollars a year. And she, without million followers in TikTok, was making $0. And I remember when she, she, we had a conversation when she was talking about monetizing and everything. I had to give her my tips and tricks. And I realized there's a discrepancy between the number of followers and the amount of money you make as a creator. And again, I'm going to talk about this in an episode of like influencer, want to want to stuff like that. Well, I want to make it clear in this episode because in that conversation a lot of people talked about being an OG, like making money and like the people who like are up and coming who are new. Because you're recognized as a near the richest or you got a lot of money, like that is so far from the truth. And I think it's unfortunate that we keep, we don't honor the fact that people have been hustling for a really, really long time. And honestly, TikTok has a huge role to play in that because for me, TikTok changed that landscape. Because we Instagram, the way brand deals work, the way like longevity worked and everything. It wasn't as equal, but at least you couldn't some capacity monetize, right? With TikTok, virality comes really quickly. Like you're seeing really quickly, like to have a million followers on Instagram, you are wreaking in money then. To have a million photos in TikTok, you could blow up tomorrow. You could blow up the next day. And that's the end of it. And it depends, honestly, brands even F with you, maybe you get some brand deals sometimes, maybe not. Maybe TikTok even doesn't monetize you because they say you don't like your content. It's not friendly. There's so many nuances to it. And so for that conversation in particular, when people were talking about people being OGs, I said, and I don't think they understand that the influencer marketing is so new, so fresh, so multifaceted. No one, no one understands why, oh, how hard, no one understands how hard people have to work, no matter what their numbers are. Because it is not a numbers game. That's the one thing I want to tell you. You could, do you have anyone who are like 10k followers on Instagram or TikTok or whatever, but who make $20 million in sales on TikTok shop? Without the followers, right? Or even folks who even have, I'm sorry, who even have way less away more, who make it more? It's not a one hit, a one thing strategy. So for me, when I saw people say OGs, I'm like, OGs also deserve to have money in their pocket. Like I have, honestly, there are people on that list who I'm not going to name names, who have full time jobs. Because they can't pay their bills, even with 300,000, 500,000 one million followers, who made that list. Because they can't monetize, because it's harder to monetize with so many different things. And also because of the kind of content, like Sephora Squad is Sephora Squad, like Sephora. Sephora is a beauty brand, lifestyle brand, candles, fragrance, perfumes, beauty, all that stuff. If you're not a beauty girly, a lifestyle girly, it's even harder to get into that space, you know what I mean? So that's my two cents on it. Stop looking at the numbers. Because someone has one million followers, doesn't need to have one million dollars in their brand account. Because someone has 10,000 followers, doesn't need to have 10,000 dollars in their brand account. I think it's just, it's just hustling monetization. And I think because monetization is so hard within the influencer space, and it's so nuanced, because of the kind of creator you even have to be, I don't think it's easy. So I think opportunities like Sephora Squad is needed and necessary for every type of creator. I'm a part of the Snapchat 5 to 3 program, right? So that's like a version of Sephora Squad, but this one's for like Snapchat influencers. And we have Lala Milan on this, in this class, like Lala Milan is an OG OG creator, like OG creator, right? She's on the squad with me. I could have been throwing a tantrum being like, oh my god, like how will they let Lala Milan? We need up and coming stuff. No, I don't know her finances. I don't, maybe she doesn't really need it. She just needs to do some production. She needs extra budget. Creativity is a monetized way needs to be. We all know that. We know people who talk about, we don't, we know actress and actress. We talk about people paying, getting paid more or less because of how they are like, this is normal folks. I don't, I didn't like the OG argument because I feel like the OGs couldn't talk about the OGs, OGs can't come on and say, don't say that. I'm not making money because then they will sound like they broke, but essentially I think that's what, that's what it is. I think everyone deserves an opportunity, no matter what. Even if Jackie I and I got a part of Sephora Squad and what does she need the money for something? Don't copy people's pockets. I have called Jackie I and I name so much Jackie. I'm so sorry. I love you. What about like for you? What about for me? Because you didn't get the Sephora Squad thing. How do you navigate that? That's so interesting. I never asked you that. You've never asked me that. First of all, I had friends who like were on it and I feel like they would have known if I got it. So I had time to prepare for when the announcement came on. I still saw the email that said, oh, you're rejected. Oh, they sent out the email? They said so like usually what happens is you apply like end of summer and then people who get it get it like a month or so before they actually announced it to the public. And then when they announced the squad is also when they send out rejection emails, right? And so I kind of knew already that when I saw the squad announcements that all rejection emails are coming because why would I know I'm on the squad if the squad was announced? You know what I mean? So they usually give people months to sign NDAs, start planning, travel, everything like that. And I know that because I ask a lot of questions. Again, I'm very overprepared, overly prepared. So failure oftentimes used to hit me differently than now. Right. Because I think for me, people talk about like, what's that phrase preparation meets opportunity? Preparation? I don't know. Maybe this is not, it doesn't matter. Basically, I'm always prepared, right? And I'm always making sure I put my best foot forward. But we've also talked about the fact that sometimes I like to not do my best so I don't feel like I failed. So I have different ways of managing those feelings of failure around the things I do. However, with regards to the first squad, I'll try again. Yeah. That's my thing. I'll try again. Like for me, when I saw, when I went through the list of people, they picked, I didn't look at it as I did this. If anything, I said, I need to learn how to do this more. So there's a career. Cindy's an example. Cindy does beauty content and she does it well. I don't. Right. And I'm not going to do it exactly like her, but I can see why they picked her. Like I'm the kind of person who I want to research. I want to review. I want to be interested in it. I don't think I'm the best at what I do because of, because I'm the best at what I do know, because I know I'm the most prepared at what I do. Right. And even if things like that happen, I took it up. So I'm going to try again, because next year I'm going to be better and the next year I'm going to be better. I'm always going to keep trying. Now at some point, I might stop trying because maybe I might I'll grow it. But the thing and the cool thing about maybe just life in general is maybe at some point with the forest squad. I wouldn't have to even apply for the squad because I am doing other things that is already giving me the level of income that the squad would be giving me. Does that make sense? And I think that's where I want people to start thinking about like I, I know I'm going to fail. Right. I might not get a lot of things. I think disappointment is a part of the process to success. Right. It is okay to feel disappointed at something. It is not okay to stop trying. I think we sometimes forget to sit in the discomfort. And I think it's honestly also like a woman thing. Right. For the most probably growing up, because you hear people talk about going through life with the audacity of a white man. Right. Like a mediocre white man. I hate using the word mediocre because I feel like that's like not as nice. But that's usually what the phrase is like I need to learn to move through life with the audacity or courage of a mediocre white man. And what that means is for the most part white men. If you're looking at the totem pole in America, for example, white men don't have a lot of problems. I mean, you're at the top of the food chain. Like a white man in America is at the top of the food chain here. Right. And the audacity is crazy because they're the top of the food chain. The lion isn't going to fret. I'm not saying a white man is a lion. Not saying that. But a lion wouldn't fret because a lion is at the top of the food chain. So for me, when I think of that in that perspective, I understand now how I move through different things. Right. Because a white man is at the top of the food chain. And they usually, and this is like very nuanced. Right. I'm not. I'm not in some intersectionality that risked the expert. I'm just saying I understand that in America majority, a white man is at the top of the food chain. And so for a lot of that, I understand how to move through life because of it. I see what white man does, which is audacity. Like, oh, I didn't get this. But I'm still I'm going to go apply for the job that has all the hardest requirements because why not. Why not try what was the worst that can happen. I don't get it. Okay. I move on to the next one. There's so many opportunities for them to say yes to or no to or maybe like the choices are there now. Now, put that into perspective for someone like me. Right. I've been I've grown up being told, you can't do this. You can't do that. This space is not for you. This is not for you. Stay in your lane. Do this. Do that to move the success. You have to be calculating. I have to do this way. So there's a certain level of cautiousness. I reserve, especially within my communities. Well, there's also a certain level of shame that's attributed to me. Right. I am required to behave a certain way just for me to exist. Right. I would typically and I'm so proud of myself for definitely remembering when I stopped. That does not happen often. But I tend to go for opportunities then be thinking with that mindset. And I don't mean to say that as I'm comparing myself to, you know, a white man, but strategy right strategically. If I'm in a majority country, I'm going to move through that thinking about how the majority works and how to push past it. Now, this is definitely very outside the box thinking versus like, honestly, like, I definitely also have the privilege of being an outsider within this space. So take with that. You will. But again, the idea for that with me, especially with the four squatters. Oh, yeah, I didn't get it. I'm going to always try again. Like, it's the casual way of remembering that if things don't work out for me, something else will, right? Like always pushing through with that. Now, I'm not going to knock years and decades of oppression and struggle and stress and strife and things that definitely put you down as an individual, especially within America. Yeah, so especially with support for the little I can't speak, especially, especially for a squad. That's why I think that's why I'm able to move past it. I have found success because as an outsider, realize the game I'm playing. What you just said, I found success. Do you think you found success? I think I'm at a level of success that I'm very content with. Like, I'm not going to front with myself and say, I'm not doing well, right? Like, underneath all of this, oh, my God, there's so much going on, right? Whether that's like personal success, relationship success, financial success, like world, like at the core of it, like, you can break down success into different things. But when I say I found success, I tend to mean that from a person point of view. Like where I am right now, I'm very content with myself with how I think with, with who I am. And I don't think I would ever not say I have found success because I am not failing. I have never failed at anything because I am constantly trying. Like to be human, to be a kind of a human, I aspire to be is to be one who's always self assured, but also always very self aware. So for me, every time I wake up, I'm looking at myself and saying, how can I be the best version of myself today? That's what I mean by I found success because maybe I'm like, I need to eat better, right? I'm not failing because I'm not eating better right now. No, I'm trying. I'm going to go on TikTok, go on YouTube, go on Google search for good food and try, right? That's the same thing with like where I live, how I do things, how I interact with people. I want to make friends. I'm going to try and make sure I'm doing the things that I want to do. So at every level of the way, that perspective shift is important because I've seen so many people talk about they want to get a certain place, they want to be a certain person. And so if your perspective and your mindset is you're not it. So you get to that level, you're already sort of scurrying on the idea of failure because you're already doing your self with the service, but not believing yourself in the first place because you've already won, right? Like, even the fact that you're thinking about doing something and then trying to do it already shows that you're being successful at it because you're trying and trying to look any type of way for you because you never know, right? Like, it's just different. Yeah, that's good. I think my mantra, you know, like my run an agency called a random creative, right? Yes. And the big thing behind the random creative is the random creativity is resilience. And I think resilience is one of the biggest things that you have to, like resilience is one of the biggest things you have to be as a person. And I think that comes from trying different things. I remember when I was in secondary school, yeah, I was in GS3, right? How do I cross the memo? No, do I? So I remember when I was in GS1, yeah, in secondary school, this is something happened in GS3, but in GS1, I was in secondary school. And after my first exam, my average was like 62%, right? I was so mad because I go into things thinking like I'm going to crush it. Like, there's nothing I ever do that I don't think I'm going to do well at. You know, and when I saw the result, I was so humble. I was like, wait, what did I do wrong? And then like trying to, and I remember like at the end of third term, they did this thing where they put all of us into like different classes. So like if you were like first to 10th in each class, you ain't GS28. Yeah, they do that too. Yeah. So that that peer to all for context, you guys in secondary school in Nigeria. GS1, GS3 is like middle school, and then technically like as this one has three is like high school here. Yes, it's like grade seven to nine. Yeah, and then nine to 12. And then 10 to 12. There we go. There we go. Because you go from middle school to high school. Yeah, exactly. So that's GS1, just three as well. Pretty much the same concept, right? But I think that's the thing is this beauty resilience and you can only build resilience from saving a lot. Well, so here's the thing. I think a lot of the shift right now in life is deciding what makes failure so prominent for a lot of people is especially within the creator industry and with the advent of social media. Success and failure now is loud, right? Because usually if you apply for a job, unless you're telling your family and friends you're applying for a job, it's typically just about like self success or like self failure. Like, oh, that hurt me. I didn't get it. I'm going to try again with social media. Everything is pretty public, right? Right. Like, you get engaged and you also announce your engagement is done. Oh, my God. You get what? This thing you just said. Okay. So. Oh, my God. What's crazy? I just got a new car. Right? Yes. I got a new car. I got a Tesla 2025. You know, made a video. We're very proud. I don't know. Shout out to Donald for getting a new car. In 2021, I wanted to get the same car, right? But I didn't. Because you know, didn't do like the right things to do at that time. Yeah. But now I've got it and I posted a photo. Right? And I struggled a lot with posting that photo. Yeah. Because I knew I was going to come after it. And this thing was social media where you post stuff like that. We're like, you're chasing the next thing. Yes. And a lot of people are like, congratulations, congratulations, congratulations. And the amount of people that came out of the wood works. Because now, if I felt like I have been like, I've gotten a little bit of acknowledgement. You want more? For the 10 years of work that I put in. And I'm like, okay, how can I show this people every single day that I'm like, because I've had this feeling, the feeling of like we're crushing it, right? Like the big wins that we get, right? How do you show them? How do you make them like get it? That's why virality is a drug, right? When you go viral, that instant dopamine you get, you want more. So you're constantly chasing the next, the next, the next. Right. I've had conversation with fellow creators where they've literally said, oh, like, okay, well, I need to get a car. Well, I need to sell my car to get a new car. So I need to post about it because that's good content. I need to move to a new apartment. A new apartment. Like, a new apartment, a new car, getting engaged, getting married, having a child, having the next child, doing their house update. Like, there's certain check marks you get, especially like with society, right? Like, for men and women it's different, right? Like, Sarah and Betracker, you announced, right? And I used to first, like, slowly start with Facebook. And now it's like everywhere. Like, you have to post that achievement because you want that dopamine rush. You want that effect. And so failure now seems louder. Yeah. Because before, if something didn't work out, you could just quietly tuck in the rug. But now, if something didn't work out, you're scared to be seen trying now, right? Like, if I got engaged, then I announced my engagement. And then two weeks later, it's not working out. So I don't, I cancel my engagement. Oh, my God. Yeah. How do I announce that? What do I tell people? Did I fail? Oh, people are going to have those thing pieces. Oh, my God. Opinions are going to be plenty. So that's even, like, probably. Or people are going to have those thing pieces. Oh, my God. Opinions pieces are going to be plenty. So that's even, like, private movies was a personal moment and public moments. How those shape and shape society and what we're moving to right now. It's a huge play into it. And that said, that's a neat. That's probably one thing that stops people from doing. Yes. Because this is like the need to announce it. Your needs. Because it's also that need, right? Because I envy. Envy people who don't have social media. Right. Right. But also, and I will say this, some of my friends who don't have social media are the ones who also never try. True. Like, some of the ones who don't have social media, the ones who actually never try in anything. Because also, they are watching people try and fail publicly. Right. For them. Right. I'm not saying this before a failing, but for them, they see people crash and burn. So much is what they would say that they don't want me to try to attempt to, like, do it. Because they're going to lose at the end of the day. I have a friend who, like, I can tell you, she is, I don't think she's supposed to once. And she's talking about, like, canceling her Instagram post. Like, I'm a canceling Instagram. I'm like, girl, no one's looking at, like, girl. It's like, if I wonder what it was that went to school to get out, what was it about? Like, you're fine. But I know she's an avid social media user. Like, she's constantly lurking, constantly watching, constantly taking in T and all that stuff. And I can't picture her ever attempting to try that, that sort of, like, wall she's put up of, oh my god, those people that are showing those really tough moments, those vulnerable moments, that are showing themselves trying, I could never be them. Because that's embarrassing, that's intense. And I think that to me is so interesting, because I'm a public trial and failure. Like, I, and again, for me, I'm not failing because I'm constantly trying. But for me, I am a public, you're going, you will see. Like, I talk about it all the time, how my vlog channel isn't growing. Like, I've always struggled with it. I don't think it's doing well. And I've like, oh, I think I'm my quit. I might not quit. But one thing about always, she's going to keep trying. And I say I'm going to quit. I might quit 50 million times. I will never stop. I want to be a huge vlogger. Like, I want to be a triple threat. Everyone keeps telling me, stop having YouTube chat, three YouTube channels. Stick to one. I'm like, I wouldn't be odd if I wasn't this, if this wasn't me. Right? Like, that is, I, this is me. I enjoy doing 50 million things at once. My brain doesn't function if I'm just focusing on one thing. I've never even attempted to try doing one thing. So I'm always going to be this way. I'm going to just embrace why I am sidebar. But going back to this, I think that's why, for me, failure, especially right now, is so important. So how does that change and how can I, like, help you switch your mind set up if you are the kind of person? I think your perspective on trying failure and shame needs to be different. Because you guys, I do get embarrassed. Like, I get so ashamed. I get so embarrassed. I get so scared. Like, yesterday, I texted Donald. Like, what if I fail? Like, I, like, I'm right saying a podcast right now, talking about failure. And I still texted about how, like, what if I fail? What if I do not achieve the dreams I want? That is such a possibility. It's a scary possibility. It's crippling. I would never be the person who lets that swallow me. Right. It is a possibility, like we said, is if you stop. Also, what if I succeed? Right. Right. It's a perspective shot. That's also another thing, right? The failure, right? It's not just failure. Because also people are also scared to succeed. Yes. Right? Because it's like, what happens? And also think about the mindset shifts. It is easier to ask yourself, what if I fail? That's the easiest thing to do. Because at that point, mentally, you're thinking to yourself, oh, yeah. The failure is right there, right? That perception is easy to accept versus what if I succeed? I wonder what your life would look like if that was the question you asked yourself instead. Yeah. Because then honestly, I like to also say success meets opportunity and preparation, right? Whatever that. I keep forgetting that damn phrase. Well, basically, ideas. No. Preparation meets opportunity. There we fo. God dang it. Preparation meets opportunity, y'all. But even first I said it, I was thinking. I was like, I couldn't get it. No way, right? Yeah. Because if you ask yourself, what if I succeed? You are always going to be better prepared for when the opportunity comes for you to take it. And I think that's what changed for me this year. Like, everything I am doing right now is in preparation for success to happen. Not failure. Yeah. For success. Like, I think about it from two, three years ago. I remember when I first got viral. I thought to myself, oh, my God, this is a lot of people watching me now. What if I say the wrong thing? I'm very, my mouth is sharp. Like, y'all, you know I've seen the half of it. When I start talking, I talk. I gap a lot. Okay. So I would think to myself, oh, my God, at some point people are going to cancel me. I'm going to lose everything. And I said, no. But what if I succeeded? What if I tried and kept trying? And I just went for it. What would happen? Opportunity will come. And I will be so prepared to bite it and take it. Yeah. And I think that's where I want your like your shifts to be. So for this episode, the idea of failure, if you're leaving this episode after you're listening to it, I want you to think about how. How much more successful you will be when you start thinking about failure, not as inevitable, but as nonexistent because you're not going to fail. You are going to be successful at what you do because you're going to keep trying. If you want to be a content creator, you're going to keep trying. You're going to post three times a day on TikTok or three to five times a week on TikTok. You're going to post on Instagram. You're going to post some stories. You're going to try Snapchat. You're going to try social media platforms. You're going to take classes. What if you're going to be an editor? You're going to take editing classes. You're going to watch YouTube videos. What if you want to be a lawyer? You're going to practice for the L size. You're going to study. What if you want to be financially responsible? You're going to start looking at financial courses. Curses is crazy. Courses? Courses? Courses? How would I say that? Courses? Courses. Courses. Courses. Okay, y'all. bilingual. bilingual. Because what you want at the end of the day is you want to be seen. Yeah. I don't think so. I feel like being seen is a whole different conversation. Look, because that's where, where does opportunity come from. Right? When you're seeing visibility of trying. Yes. But even that can apply to every single thing, whether that's to work, whether it's family. Yeah. Imagine you as a young teenager when you're going to a person, you're asking them for like an allowance. Right? And they will say, well, you didn't do the chores yesterday. But they saw you do the chores yesterday. So when you ask for the allowance, you get it. Yeah. Because you're a scene. Because you tried. Right? You know, wanting to get to Sephora squad next year. You're from today. You're not going to start doing Sephora squad, like content. When squad applications open, you're going to start doing content today. Right now, when you hear this episode, hopefully you know hearing this when the squad applications open. Okay. But the idea is you're going to start now because if you are posting beauty and lifestyle content today, until next year, by the time the squad applications arrive, if you have 100 followers today, you're going to have 100,000 next year. Now, if you don't, don't say so. If you said I'm going to have 100K, you're just going to keep trying. Because maybe you have 100K in two years. Maybe you have 100K in a day. Maybe you have 100K in five years and 10 years. This is guy on YouTube who's a fish a guy. Oh, excuse me, fish old dad or old dad fish. So random social tangent. But he went viral recently because he's been posting fishing content on YouTube for seven years. And some, I don't know if he's supposed to be in a plot or something. I never know what social media was really not. But some hope core page posted his YouTube channel where they just like we're scrolling through. And he saw his story. He had been posting for seven years. He had like 10 views, 5000 views, 2000 views for seven years. And then he posted it and said he went through surgery. He survived. He's back to fishing. And he has 1.5 million subscribers in 24 hours. Yeah. Because opportunity came. And now this man who has been posting for seven years is prepared. He's, he posted a video immediately, look at my life now. That video, 300,000 views. He was prepared. Now he knows what to expect because he's been creating that content for months, for years. You know what I mean? So again, shift your perspective from what if I failed, what if I succeed, prepare for it, because success is going to come. You're going to be successful. There's no amount of anything that could happen to shift that. Yeah. And you're not going to quit too early. You're not going to quit too early. It's not impossible. And you got this. That is the first official episode on the couch. We're going to take a stab at this. We're going to keep trying. Hopefully at some point we have Beyonce sitting across from me talking about all the times. She failed and all the time she succeeded because we only ever see her success, right? So, you never know, maybe Sophie's wishful thinking. What if someday I keep at this and I get to a million downloads, I get to be the one on the magazine. Like Alex Cooper just was where she talked about her $25 billion serious X-Fem deal to build like a production empire. Right. There's so many stories I want to tell. And sometimes I get scared that I'm going to fail. Like I am terrified you guys. If I tell you the things I dream of, you probably might even laugh at me. Because how can you think that's possible? What is just like something that I just know, like me and Donald are going to be successful. Yeah. We have no choice, right? There's no other option. There's no other option. And that's, I think it's so scary. I can't picture my life any other way. Yeah. Because the moment I stop trying is the moment I would give up. And I can't imagine what a life would look like if I ever gave up. Yeah. So yeah, I love you so much. I am really, really excited. I feel like this was a really good episode because I am comfortable. And people were right. If you listen to this and you told me to film indoors, you were right. I was wrong. I feel a lot comfortable. These socks are crazy. We're going to get a my too loud socks because that is crazy. Did they look dirty? They are. But they don't look dirty. What are you saying? Like, it's just purple. It's a wild color. I love you guys so much. I don't want to go because I feel like I was enjoying the conversation. I just enjoy you guys. But me and Donald love you so much. Thank you for listening. Don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe to the channel if you're watching this on YouTube. If you're listening to this on Spotify, don't forget to rate the episode. Rate the podcast. Let us know what kind of episode you want us to talk about. Now that we're doing this indoors, we can always record whenever. And I think Donald is going to teach me how to carry the podcast anywhere I go. Honestly, sometimes, this is the only thing I need, right? If I ever want to film, it's like the mic and just talking. So, your girl is a podcast girlly. Take two. I love you. Thank you so much for watching. Am I too loud? Am I too loud in this episode? Never. Eva, Eva, Eva. Muah. Bye guys.