Let’s Talk About the Pressure to Have It All Before 30 | AITL?! EP 66

Welcome to Am I Too Loud, the podcast. Welcome back to Am I Too Loud, the podcast with Sophie, a.k.a. Hey, hey. Hey. Hey, it's crazy. That's insane. That's absurd. Welcome back to My Too Alot, the podcast with Sophie, a.k.a. the mother flipping oddity. Have I missed you guys? I've been, I was present. I was present last week. I was present the week before. Let's get into today's video. Your girl is officially 25. Do you guys hate that thing that people do when they're getting to a certain age and all they're saying is like 25, 35? 30 plus, 20 plus, all that stuff. I got a few. First of all, hello, how are you doing? How am I doing? I'm doing well, thank you for asking. Let me know in the comments. Let me know in the DMs. Let me know how you are doing. It was my birthday last week and I... I had a good time and I just wanted to spend this video reminiscing on my birthday. In today's episode, we're going to talk about my birthday, aging, the process of growing up. And I think it's kind of special for me, too, because I feel like I've grown up on social media, not in the way that a lot of people have, by the way. I think there are people in this world who grew up on social media like me. proper proper like they started posting at 9 10 11 12 years old i think i started posting when i was 17 18 so i kind of was an adult but i think your early late teens to early 20s end of the 20s feels like such an important era in your life that this makes sense for me to be talking about now um so yeah Happy birthday to me. I turned 29, June 25, 2026. And in just a few months, I'm going to be 30 years old. And first of all, do you guys know when you post on TikTok and the TikTok shows you like, why are they all saying, first of all, like the search bar, my search bar was like, why is everyone saying she looks so good for 29? Because I do. I still get carded. I still look like a toddler. And I think I'm blessed for that. I don't think I look my age. And I will say that... my body shape, my size, my stature definitely like enhances that perception that I definitely don't look my age, but it is still such a like interesting for me understanding that I am 29. And you know, when you're younger and you see older people and they're talking about how they don't understand how they grew up so fast, I now get it. Like, I still don't see myself as a 29 year old. I don't see myself as an almost 30 year old. I never thought about growing up in the way that I feel like I'm so grown up now. It just feels like time keeps going forward. And you're looking around like, where is time going? Like, it feels like you're aging constantly, but you're not present. Like, I'm not actively thinking about aging, but it's happening to me. And it's a very interesting perception because I think 29 is that age where... Everybody's talking about 30 now, right? Everyone's talking about what's next for you. You have Forbes 30 under 30. You know when you're doing those marks on your exams or on any form, they have the 25 to 34. Sometimes they have the 29 or your early 20s, 20 to 29. 30 feels like... you're here is the third floor and you know people always talk about like your 30s being this best time of your life I genuinely feel that way now because I never thought of aging as a strange thing that needs to happen I just it's aging you move it is what it is Anyways, so I was telling you all in the last episode that your girl wanted a vacation for her birthday this year. I did not get that, unfortunately, but I did enjoy my birthday. So this year, well, I told you guys this before, but 24, I did a dinner. 25, I did a big party because I was 25... on the 25th. So I did like a little big golden celebration. That was so epic. Oh, my days. And then after the 25, 26, I did a girl's trip. 27, I did a solo trip. 28, I was sick with COVID. 29, I did a solo vacation. into Arizona let me tell you about my birthday trip oh yo the vlog is gonna probably come out really soon probably in two weeks but I want to sort of tell you my full experience of my birthday trip because I need to understand the level I am on now I feel like we I've like transcended the game I feel like I feel like I'm a different woman now and it's so weird that I say that but I genuinely mean it so I spent my birthday in Savannah, in the Savannah Wellness Resort in Arizona. And if you guys don't know, Arizona is a state. I think it's a state. I think Arizona is a state. Yes, it is. So Arizona is a state in America. And it's kind of like where the Grand Canyon... Is the Grand Canyon in Arizona? Okay, maybe let's not do geography. The point... The point I'm trying to make is Arizona feels like you're in Mars. Like it's very like dry desert, very different than a New York or like a Texas or an LA. I think it's pretty similar to LA. The point is, it's a very different atmosphere. And I've heard a lot about them having a lot of wellness resorts in Arizona. So for me, I was very curious about this. And when I was thinking about what to do for my birthday, I didn't want a party since I've been a nomad for the past year. in my mind, it made no sense that I would do a party. Like, I feel like my friends are all scattered everywhere and they're all in such different phases of their lives that... it was hard for me to figure out how to bring everyone together. Like for me, one of my friends is pregnant. One of my friends is married. One of my friends has a kid. Another one of my friends is working. Like they are all doing so many things with their life. And then the ones who aren't are busy like going on tours and living their best life. So I didn't think, and this is not a bad thing, but I didn't think 29 was that special to have all my friends come out to celebrate me. And if I, I think if I spent the past year building community in a particular place, then maybe it would have been like, oh, have friends come over for dinner or something. But that wasn't the case in this situation. So I ended up deciding to do a solo trip again. And I love a good solo trip. I am a people pleaser. So for me, solo trips are the best way for me to generally have a good time. I'm not spending the time thinking, is this person okay? What about this trip? How are they feeling? What time do I need to wake up? On a solo trip, your girl is thinking about her, herself, and me that's all i'm thinking about so for me a slow trip made the most sense okay so i was like thinking about it and i was on tiktok and the fbi gods just shone on me and i started getting tiktoks about arizona and a wellness resort and savannah came up and savannah apparently is like this wellness resort that you go to you have classes like yoga mountain biking you're kayaking in like the mountains by the valleys um you have like intention gratitude circle ecstatic dance very kumbaya white people shit okay and i was like you know what it's 29 i don't want to do of fun like i don't want to go to vegas i don't want to I didn't want to go to like a beach town. I didn't want to go to the Bahamas. I didn't want to do Aruba. I felt like I want, if I'm going to do another like solo vacation, I think I want to do it with someone. I really want to be by the beach drinking rum punch with someone like guys. It's not bad. Yo, I just, I've never been the kind of girl who like is seeking romance, but I feel like in my life right now, that's what I want. Whoever's listening to this and you like me and ask me out, ask me out and let's go. Nothing needs to happen. Just take me to a beach and let's be drinking rum punch. And then we can, you know, Anyways, so I was like, you know what? I want to do something different. And so I went to Savannah. And when I first got there, flight was beautiful. It was really long shot, but it was beautiful. I get there and they greet me and I see this room. I put the vlog on Instagram. And it's a really pretty room. And there's like cactuses or cacti, which are those pinchy, pinchy plants. I was about to say chooka-chooka pants. But those pinchy plants. And it just felt very like serene. It felt like I was walking in Mars, generally. So I get there, and then they had a bunch of classes that I could have signed up for. And I'm not joking, guys. They had classes, like I was saying, like Daily Gratitude Intention Circle, Yoga and Bar, Pilates, Mat Pilates. They had, like, Mountain Biking, all these things. So my first class that I did was, like, an Intention Gratitude Circle. And in that Intention Gratitude Circle, these people are – I'm not joking. They're, like – Okay. And now we're here to set our intention for the day. Right about now, I'm going to ask all of you to close your eyes or go into a lazy gaze. And I'm like, um, and they're like, in this moment, I want you to set an intention for your day. Hey, yo, when I told you, I said, this is the right place. All the wahala, all the stress, all the problems that I've been in my life, I need to wash it all away. And that's what I wanted for my birthday. I'm telling you, you guys might think I'm being dramatic right now, but I'm really not. Like I'm a very, the word is gragra. I have gragra. I have a lot of gragra and gragra means like I'm a very abrasive person. I'm very go, go, go, go, go. When my thoughts, my mouth moves faster than my mind. So, like, I'm constantly in motion, constantly running. So, for me, I don't really relax. Like, I don't take the time to go... I don't take a lot of deep breaths during the day. I just started doing that to regulate my nervous system because again, I do struggle with anxious feelings. I say that now instead of saying I have anxiety, I say I struggle with anxious feelings. And I also just definitely struggle with like, you know, anxiety, depression, all that stuff. The point is I need to start taking deep breaths. So this is my first class of the time when I get to this resort, they're like, and you're going to take a deep breath and you're going to set your intention for the moment, for the time you're here. Um, Think about the da-da-da-da-da. And then you take a deep breath in. In through the nose. Out through the mouth. We're going to make a sound. I said, uh. The calma. Calma. The calma that just rested from me. I felt calma. Now I understand. You see all those, I don't know what to call them. Is it hippies? I feel like that feels derogatory. But like hippies, essentially. Like hippies. You see hippies feel like they're just vibing. Mind you, there's no drugs involved. So I felt like one of them. You know, it felt like... Okay. Okay. That was class one, right? And then I went to lunch and it was really nice. And mind you, oh, by the way, all expense paid. Shout out to being an influencer. All expense paid birthday trip. So I'm already happy. I'm living my best life. And then I go to lunch. I eat lunch first by it. Like I tried avocado. What is it? Guacamole. It was really good. That was in my, I'm in a 29. I'm 29 guys. I try everything now. So, and then I go to my next class. Then my next class now is something called a cacao gratitude ceremony, where apparently this lady is telling us that you drink this cacao drink, and it's like fermented cacao from the Aztec people and the Mayans. And when you drink it by these native people, your heart chakra opens or something like that, and you're able to like set your intention for the year and just breathing out and like just take it. Okay. idea so doing all this and i'm sitting now it's just me and this other woman her name was jocelyn i remember that's how you know i was into it because if you know me you know i don't remember people's names so we're taking this drink and we're she literally goes sip the cocoa cacao and i'm like sipping it she says i'll just sip like that in short sips And you're going to let it sit there into your throat, down your chest, into your belly. And when the cacao sits in your belly, you're going to think about your wants and your needs in life. You're going to think about the things that you want to do and the things you wish you could do. And all this blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm just like, hey. peace of mind i keep chasing peace of mind just in peace of mind just in peace of mind my peace of mind was chased choosed chase is right and so we did that and i did that for like an hour and then they let us journal for a bit and we journaled about the things that were going on with me and if we kind of just sharing with you guys i really feel like Like, I am at the point in my life where I know the things I struggle with. I think I am one of the most self-aware people you would ever meet. I am the kind of person who goes to therapy and my therapist is telling me, how do you feel about this? And I would tell her how I feel, why I feel that way, why I shouldn't feel that way, my solutions for it and how I can move forward. She didn't ask me for all of that. I would tell her anyways, I am that student slash like client, I guess, for therapists. That's who I am. And so for me, this felt like a time for me to use all this self-awareness that I have and actually have the intentional time to put it into action. Right. So I do this cacao ceremony and now I'm feeling like. introspective i'm feeling like i need to open up my heart chakra some more i also it's arizona i want to go get an edible i don't know if you guys know this i do take edibles i stopped for five to six months actually run up fun fact and so i wanted to buy an edible because arizona it's legal blah blah okay you get the gist So all this is happening and I finish, um, I finished the cacao ceremony and as I'm walking, the lady that was at my daily gratitude circle earlier in the afternoon calls me. Cause there's this like class I just walked past and they're dancing. It's like three people dancing and it doesn't like, like, mad people essentially and she's like birthday girl and i'm like because i told everybody it's my birthday i'm like yeah she's like do you want to come dance with us i'm like yes i will never turn down the dance and so they pull me into this class and apparently something called like an excited dance joyful class or something which is basically you just dancing like They're playing music. You tell them what kind of song you like, and you're just in a class where you're allowed to just free fall, have a good time, dance. And that's all I was doing. Guys, this was my favorite part of my birthday. Like, I don't know if it sounds so stupid. I don't know. Like, if you listen to this and you're probably like, Sophie, I... oh, we, I don't, don't lose your fucking whimsy. Don't lose your whimsy. You can't lose your whimsy anymore. Like you deserve to constantly have the best whimsy in the entire world. And sometimes when we are in the world now, we forget whimsy, we forget fun, we forget laughter, we forget joy. And the folks who don't forget their whimsy are labeled as crackheads and crazy people. And I see those people, especially now, and I'm like, oh, I want to keep my whimsy. Like, as you grow older, you tend to want to lose what makes you a kid. And we forget that the things that actually regulate our nervous systems are the things that kids like. Like, when you're shaking your hands and you're laughing and you're dancing. those things help you calm down in a way that like is so special anyways so um sorry about that like little rant so at this point i'm dancing and guys why do i start crying like i'm telling you this is me dancing like so i told the lady who was like in charge of it to like play just fine by mary j blige if you have my avid vlog watcher you would realize that I used to be obsessed with Ray J. Blige just fine for like a year or two years straight. That was my alarm clock in the morning by my Alexa to wake me up. So this is me like, just fine, just fine, just fine. And I'm like, just fine. Crying, crying my eyes out. And the instructor's looking at me like, yes, girl, let it out. And I'm like twerking in tears. And I'm like, life is beautiful. And then Despacito comes and I'm like, despacito. Despacito. Despacito. Despacito. Despacito. Despacito. Despacito. Despacito. Despacito. Despacito. Despacito. Despacito. Despacito. Despacito. Despacito. Despacito. Despacito. Despacito. Despacito. Despacito. Despacito. Despacito. Despacito. Despacito. Despacito. Despacito. What? I was crying. I was dancing. I felt so good. And then after that, I went in for another class. And this was like a sound bath, sound healing, which I actually didn't like because I realized that I forgot that I almost drowned. And there's this like... ocean wave thing sound that they typically do in sound healing that literally made me panic so bad like I felt so panicked so I it was an hour-long class but it was really great and then I had dinner and I had shots with the bartender Mason and I just went back into my room and I called bae and I called my friends And I just was happy, yo. I was happy. And my phone was right there. And I think that this past year, I generally removed myself from community because I realized that I was chasing fake ass community. My cousin texted me the other day and she texted me asking me how I dealt with having transactional friends in this industry. And I laugh because as someone who now, whose job is pretty personal to her with lifestyle, I used to be that creator who mixed having colleagues, I'm calling them friends and versus my actual real friends. So I think the past year getting out of New York city and excuse me, Oh, and just like figuring out my life for myself. It's been very special to find finally like being a space where I know who my real friends are. So this usually for my birthday, like there's a buildup, you know, online people were like posting about you or like, it just feels like a fanfare. But this particular year, because of the past year I've had where I've been so far removed from like the friends, you know, it was, it felt more intimate. Like the people I wanted to hear from, I was going to hear from the people I didn't want to hear from, I wasn't going to hear from and the people who cared reached out and it was so intentional. It felt like there was a lot more meaning to it. So went to bed and then the next day was my birthday. My friend was one of the first people to call me. He's really sweet. And then my mom called me and then my friends call I got a beautiful deep tissue massage by Brian. Shout out to Brian at Savannah and sidebar. Do you guys like having a male masseuse or a female masseuse? I love having male masseuses and I don't necessarily like know if why my reason is actually I don't have a preference. I take that back. But if I like if anyone asks me, I always say like, oh, and everybody asks me, oh, do you want a male or female masseuse? Do you have a preference? I always say I don't have a preference. And then I end up with a male masseuse. But Brian was fantastic. Like Brian was so great. All my best massages that I've had, like two or three, have been with male masseuses, honestly. And it was beautiful. Anyways, so I had a birthday massage and then I went to the pool. I did some tech talks and I was answering my phone. I posted some content and it just felt like I wasn't performing for anyone. And for the first time in a long time, I felt like I wasn't performing. And I think this was the perfect way to bring in my 29th birthday, because one thing I've definitely wanted to learn about myself is I need to stop performing for everybody else. I need to stop performing. trying for everybody else and to stop worrying about everybody else i need to focus on me and i genuinely focused on me now my birthday was also time i finally got the edible so your girl was set so later i think after my after the spa after the pool i rested some more and then i went to do a journaling session and that journaling session was special because they walked us through like journaling prompts and stuff so we did like how do you feel oh you know what guys let me bring it to you because i want to read some of the journal prompts we got okay so i'm gonna read it because i have my journal here um i need to actually release a journal because i guys this is my seventh journal of the week anyways um what is one dull and persistent dissatisfaction you've learned to live with um what do you complain about repeatedly but never actually change for each complaints that would what would someone watching your behavior conclude. What truth about your current life will be unbearable to admit to someone you deeply respect? Ooh, that was a deep one. If nothing changes in the next five years, what does your average Tuesday look like for you? And would you like... And what would average Tuesday for you? Oh my God. I can't reread my own handwriting. If nothing changes in the next five years, what would average Tuesday for you look like? 10 years from now, what would your life look like? Or what do you want your life to look like? At the end of your life, what do you want? What is one thing that you know would get you past the discomfort? Let me see if there's any more. Um, And it was like, you know, what's your current behavior protecting you from? And then there was like positives of like where you want to be, write about your intention and all that stuff. And so I journaled all of that. And one of the important things I learned through that process of journaling is just, I really am my biggest critic and I'm also my biggest cheerleader. So at some point as I was writing, I realized that the only thing stopping me from any type of success is really myself and self-doubt. And I have a big fear of failure and I have a big fear of shame. And mind you, you would be surprised because I'm really one of the most shameless people you know. But I also have a ton of. mental blocks that tend to happen so i have really good bursts of like performance and then i have a week or two where i'm just like i can't be bothered to do anything i think that's where like the lack of structure comes in um and i think over the past year you know what i don't want to bore you with that the point of this is i journaled anyone great let's just leave it at that And then after the journaling session, we did an intention burning ceremony where they told you to write the intentions of the things that you don't want for yourself anymore. And some of the things I wrote on there were like lack of discipline, lack of follow through, daddy issues, mommy issues, a toxic relationship that I'm in and like a few other things. And I just put that down and then we actually put it in a fire and we burnt it. And then we wrote the things that we wanted into our life. And I have it in my bag as like my little reminder of where I want to go in life. And then I just spent my dinner, had birthday dinner myself. And then the folks around gave me like a little birthday sorbet and said happy birthday for me. And that was the end of my birthday trip at Savannah. And generally top four. Top three. Top three birthdays I've ever had. I would say my 25th birthday is still like number one. No questions asked. Number one is my 25th birthday. Number two... Hmm. Number two birthday, I think, would go to St. Kitts and Nevis, my solo trip. Number three would go to this. Reason why my vacation slash dinner on my 24th birthday wouldn't be counted in this. It's a close, like, fourth. It's a close fourth because I don't want my person to feel bad. It's a close fourth. My girls trip would be high up there, but we did it in Vegas. Hated Vegas. Like Vegas was not my favorite birthday at all. But yeah, guys, that was my birthday trip to Savannah. If you ever get the opportunity to go to a wellness resort or a retreat or any of that thing, go. Go, baby. Go. Go, baby. Go. Go, Kylie. Go. Go. It was really fun. I had such a good time and I just can't wait to like be in a space where I can do that again and I want to do that again. I think we need to learn to like sometimes slow down a bit and just relax, like take a deep breath. You know, in acting class the other day, they're teaching us about breath work now and how it relates to our voice. And the amount of things I've been learning about, you know, my nervous system, how to regulate it more, how to feel better, like chef's kiss 10 out of 10. Anyway, so that's it pretty much about my birthday trip. And I think now I want to sort of like segue a little bit. My trusty iPad is up. I want to segue a bit into like. birthdays and birthday blues essentially or aging because it's so funny how like people think 29 is this dramatic age and it really is and um in my vlog that is probably going to go live tomorrow um I'm going to be talking about feeding like I'm running out of time and when I left Savannah the Everything felt like I left this bubble that I was in and I had to face reality now. And it's insane that the reality was like smacking me in the face of now you got to get to work. And 29 feels like a countdown to this big three zero and everything needs to happen at this particular date. And I need to actually keep asking myself this question of who said that? Who told us that? Who said we had to get married at 24? Who said we had to get married at 30? Who said we had to give birth at 31? Who said we had to give birth at 18? Okay, 18 is a stretch. Who said you had to graduate high school? Society? And how does that benefit you and what does that mean for you? I think these are the kind of questions I started asking myself when I felt this pressure. And... I think that's interesting when I think about running out of time because I've never been the kind of person who thought time, time is of the essence. I'm so sorry. I've never been that kind of girl. In fact, I feel like I'm constantly having to remind myself that I'm actually older and I'm grown. But time has never been a big factor in channeling my goals until recently. And I think about that because I think as I was growing up. all my peers sort of like, I've always been the oddity, right? The outlier. So I never really thought about this imaginary biological clock counting down, but I will say within the social media industry, age is perceived differently. And within the entertainment industry as well, age is perceived so differently that I'm now subconsciously looking at myself and thinking what's next. How long, how long do I have to do this? How long do I have to do that? So I'm having to constantly fight with myself and, to remember that I'm still pretty young. I still have a good 70 years left in me. I don't know if I want to be 99 though. Like that feels like by 99, if I can't shit by myself and I'm shitting on myself, like I feel like that's a bit of much, you know what I mean? Like when I think about growing old, I feel like I want to get to the age by God's grace where like, I want to go respectfully. Like I don't want to go, I don't want to live and not be able to live myself. You know what I mean? I feel like a solid 90. 95. I think I would try to be a very agile 90 year old. My grandfather is pretty agile for his age. I want to be that person. I still want to be able to go to the bathroom and shit by myself or at least walk to the bathroom. But I think by then also like technology would be great. So like I should be able to do that feasibly. I'm getting distracted. Let's go back. The point is there is no imaginary countdown. And if you're listening to this and you're of whatever age, I think... society now especially social media as people are growing older there's this confirmation online that you need to be successful at 23 at 25 at 19 because you're seeing 19 year olds you're seeing 12 year olds have millions of subscribers and billions in the bank your story is so different from anybody else's story your circumstances are very different from everybody else's circumstance the point I'm trying to make is you're running your own race. You can only run your own race. You can only chase after yourself, whether that's the future version of yourself or running away from the past version of yourself. Either way, you should be your only competition, right? So take that and sort of like have that focus as you go into your new age. This is what I'm doing. I think now I'm in that space where, I'm welcoming of 30. I'm excited for 30. I am curious about 30 i hear that's when like you're feeling sexy like you're feeling grown um 25 was a crazy year and my late 20s have been so wild i want stability now and it's so curious how we're such different people every step of the way um so it's pretty interesting when i think about it and you can't keep comparing yourself to other people because at some point you're gonna have to give up like what what else do you want to compare what else do you want to say You're just going to have to remember that life is a game, right? Life is a game and you're the only one playing because your circumstance is different from anybody else's circumstance. Never forget that. Never let anyone else make you feel like you need to be doing something at a certain age. Let it be. Also, this is a big sidebar, but... So aging is so important. I didn't realize this, but when I kept getting comments about how young I looked, I realized that, and this is not a knock at all to anyone who's had surgery, done any skin enhancements, Botox, none of that. This is not a knock to them. Like if it works for you, go ahead. But I realized I've never... My mom didn't raise me. I thought this was such a touchy subject because, you know, like it's very beauty enhancements are very personal. My mom didn't raise me. to like ever see myself in that way my mom is also the kind of person that doesn't even like makeup so for me i also think that i've never been that interested in what my physical features look like and what aging does to me like i've never had botox i've never had filler i've never done a boob job but i can't I don't even think I would ever be the kind of person who would ever do stuff like that. It's just not my thing. But I think that also is a huge factor in how I view myself in aging. Like, I'm forever just existing in my own body and in my own life. So I want to bring that up, too, because I got a few DMs about, like, what do I use to pinkify my lips? Or what do I get for my body? Did I get a slim BBL? Girl, you think... You think me gon' get a BBL. I don't know where that accent came from. I don't know where that accent came from. I'm so sorry. Is that Jamaican? God, I can't stand me. And I think, ooh, ow, did I just hit myself? Okay, sorry, guys. And I think one of the hardest things about getting older, too, is, like, realizing that a few versions of myself wouldn't happen. And... I'm not one to have regrets in a lot of ways. But while I was at Savannah, my wellness resort, where I spent my 29th birthday, I was looking a lot at how quick time has been moving. And I don't have any regrets, but I have things that make me go, maybe you should have done that. Maybe you shouldn't have procrastinated. Maybe. Because now I have to come to terms with the fact that, like, it is too late for me to get Forbes 30 under 30. Ah, it breaks my heart to say that. It breaks my heart. Like, it breaks me into two to think about that. That was something that was being on my bucket list for two years. And I think with consistent posting, I would have been able to get that opportunity, but now I can't and that's okay. But yeah, it breaks me a lot to say that. There are certain things that now that I'm like, am I too old for? And of course, like you're never too old for certain things, but there are also things where like, nah, maybe I can get casted as like a teenager on a TV series. You know, like there's certain things that if I started earlier, it might be different, but I don't think I have regrets. I just have a lot of... Maybe, maybe if I did that, that would have happened. But also, like, it's a reminder that, like, I'm enjoying my life. Like, there's still so many things to look forward to. Like, me acting in my first movie. Me... Oh my God, guys. When I was about, what I was about to say, I was about to say like having my first child. If you know me, that's a crazy thought to have. Is it because I'm in love? Oh my god. I can't believe I just thought that. What does this mean? Guys, yo. Yo. I was... I can't. I can't with me today. Why am I in a good mood? And I'm not higher drunk. This is just sober, Sophie. Interesting. Interesting. But anyways, I spent my birthday being introspective. And that was one thing that popped up to me, which is like, no regrets. Maybe a few babies, but definitely no regrets. And... So it's the last year of your 20s. And I think if you're someone like me, who's just turned 29, I hope you're celebrating. I hope you're like, my party is going to be so big next year, by the way. Oh, you guys. Oh, I just I'm going to party. like it's it's it's it's i just yeah it's gonna be insane just just know this and no peace my party next year party after party after party's gonna be insane um i can't wait i'm thinking about how excited i'm about to be for my for my birthday i'm thinking about how much fun this next year is going to be with this feeling, with this energy, with this vibe, essentially. I'm really proud of me. I just, I can't wait for the last year of my 20s. And I think in many ways, like, we all sort of, like, feel this pressure to be young forever, to... I constantly try to achieve youth. I think life now feels that way. Like you're constantly chasing this idea of being youthful. But yo, let me tell you something right now. Enjoy. Enjoy. Like enjoy your years. Enjoy your years alive. Enjoy the age that you are. Embrace it. Don't run away from it. You're only that year once. I can't wish to be 24 anymore. I can't. I do not want to be 21. I love y'all 21 year olds. I can't. I cannot. I can't. Like I just... I'm so in love with this version of me. She's been through heartbreak. She's been through pain. She's been through friendship heartbreaks. She's been through constipation. She's been through surgeries. She's been through trigger warning. I was about to say suicide attempts. Trigger warning. I apologize. I didn't want to be so casual about that. She's been through harassment. She's been through a different country. She's been through immigration stuff. She's been through family drama. She's been through... a pregnancy. Oh my God. She's been through so much. This body that I'm in, the legs that I have, the titties that are tittying, the head that I have, the lips that I have, like everything about me has been through so much, so much greatness, so much, so many scars that define me. And I even think like, I was about to say, like, the other person beside me probably doesn't have the same scars. And we all have, we all carry different scars that make us who we are from when you're 20 to 24 to 28 to 29 to 40, 50, 37, all of it. Enjoy your age. Okay. That's, I think that's the, that's the basis of what I'm trying to say. And I think time constantly feels like you're running out of time. Um, but you're really not like you. I think you're at that stage now where you can simply just allow yourself enjoy, enjoy where you're at in life. Enjoy the version of yourself that you are now and just live it up a bit. Okay. Um, yeah, guys, yo, I think that's it for my birthday. Okay. Gosh. I think that's it for my birthday post. Happy birthday to me. My wish for this new year is to follow through with the things I say I want to do. But the biggest of them all is to pour into myself more. And as someone who's a cancer, who's also a people pleaser, that's something that I've struggled with as I've grown older. But one thing I've also learned as I've grown older is you cannot come and kill yourself. hey you cannot come and kill yourself and another thing if you don't do that thing somebody else will do it if you want to kill yourself for that job if you die someone else is going to take your job if you want to kill yourself for that relationship they will still break up with you if you want if you don't want to eat the food will still be there i could go on and on and on live your life for you baby Live it for you and no one else. Enjoy it. Thrive. Succeed. Be. Be still. Be proud. Be happy. Be joyful. Hey, yo. That is the end of today's episode. I want us to do a little chit-chat session. This week we're going to have another loud report. I think I'm going to do that every two weeks. We're going to do like a Friday debrief. Love Island. We're going to talk about that on Friday. So stay tuned for that if you guys are listening right now. and I will see you guys on Friday and then next week Wednesday and then then next Wednesday and then Friday if you get it you get it I love you pod fam happy birthday to me