Why I Stay Friends with My Exes, The Internet Is Too Negative & I Said What I Said - EP34

Welcome to a My To Allow the podcast. Okay, now we're officially recording. We're not going to make this mistake for the second time. Hey, odd fam, welcome back to a My To Allow the podcast with Sophie A.K. A, the mother freaking auditing. Before I start this episode, I, first of all, I need a drink. Um, this is my signature, a lemon drop martini with, I don't know what they put in this one. I'm currently, let me first explain what's going on. First of all, actually, we're going to start with an apology. I'm so sorry. I am so freaking sorry, guys. I am so sorry. I am sorry. I cannot say this enough. I'm sorry. Okay, your girl ghosted for two whole weeks. I went to London, came back without an accent. First of all, and now you guys don't even know what this woman in front of you. It's been too long since I had a podcast episode. And I want to sincerely apologize to the pod fam for disappearing on you. It was not planned. Just circumstances beyond my control had all of this happen. I am currently sitting just so you understand the dedication I have to this game. I am currently sitting at JFK Airport in New York waiting for my connecting flights to DC. I'm going to go see my dogs. And I have not recorded an episode. And I'm like, you know what? I'm not sure I can get an episode in by the time I get to DC. So I want to make sure I do that right now. So your girl decided to just literally, I found the delta lounge. I mean, delta lounge, she must plug y'all. If delta ever sponsors this podcast, that would be insane, isn't it? I just found an empty like phone call, telephone booth room. This is the accessible room. So I'm hoping nobody who needs any additional help with accessibility comes into this room. And I put up my iPads, you guys see the logo here? Put my camera down. Make sure I hit fucking record on this mic setup. And now we're here. So first of all, I'm sorry. Okay, I am trying really hard to make all of this work. And I hope you guys understand the dedication it takes to be the baddest bitch on the fucking planet. Because only Sophie. So hey guys, welcome back to my two love the podcast. I am fricking miss you, oh my god. Sorry guys, every time I drink, I feel like I salivate too much. Which I guess is like a natural thing. But where do I start from? It's been a minute. It's been a real fricking minute. So last time we talked, let me try to like backtrack on what you guys need to know about me. Also, I don't think this is a really good idea because I'm literally sitting by the window. And I can see people moving and I keep staring at the people walking across the exterior. And I mean to cause they're like, was this girl doing with the camera? This whole thing is sideways. This might just be a massive one episode. But hello. Sophie, breathe. First of all, let me explain that. I'm just going back from Punta Kanna. And the immigration just rattled me a little bit. So just for clarification, I just go back from Punta Kanna. I was just one through JFK's immigration to then get some a connecting flight. And this black lady was my immigration person at the thing. And she was really sweet. She fingerprinted me, did all the things. And then she's like, oh, what do you do for a living? And I'm like, oh, I do social media communication. She's like, oh, really? Can I see your phone? Oh, my fault. Guys, the amount of stories I've heard about your phones being searched. I just started sweating. I was like, well, if I posted anything, did I retweet anything? I know this supposed to be a hue. It must not be named a dress coming up today. I was like, did I retweet anything? And she's like, she takes my phone. She's like, oh, Instagram a TikTok. And I'm like, oh, I don't know. She's like, okay, open TikTok. So open TikTok, and she's like scrolling through my page. And she goes, oh, did you post anything about Punta Kanna? And I'm like, oh, no, I haven't posted anything yet. She's like, oh, who did I go with? And I say, oh, my friends birthday. She said, where are they? I'm like, that don't know what they're in the houses. I'm like, I'm not I'm frazzled. She's just like, oh, okay. Well, have a nice one. Welcome back. Ma'am, you just stressed me out because of what? Because of what? I almost pissed myself. I almost shat myself. I was so, guys, I'm telling you me traveling and doing all this things is just a, it's such a risk that I don't understand. But it's just the thrill at the same time. Because I know everything is great and I'm fine and everything is fine and I'm good. But every time I'm going through immigration it still feels like it's still not overracking. But I think I'm also coming down from that. So I told myself that I just was not going to be drinking anymore. I needed a fucking, I needed something. I'm so sorry. I just, I came into this lounge. I had to record this podcast. So I was going to need a drink. I need a drink. Okay, no one is going to stress me out about this. So cheers to that. Okay, so that's a quick recap of what's been going on. You girls go back from London. I spent a whole month in London a month and a half honestly. I stayed in my half-brother's place. So give me some clarification because you guys want some lore more about me. I am the last child of 11 or 13 siblings. I always miss this up. But my dad had a wife and he had five, he had seven kids or eight kids. I never know the amount. But he had a lot of kids and then my mom did a little thing. African families blah, blah, blah. The point is I have a lot of this out of my family that I'm not really close to. Like if I see my eldest brother right now in front of me and they said, who is this man? I can't tell you. I don't know what it looks like. I should and I can definitely get info about him. But we just don't have that relationship. I've never done that for that part of the family. But I am close to one brother who is the one I stayed with in London. So first of all, shout out to my brother. He's amazing. He's the best. He's a sweetheart. I don't know if he's a half or step. I think it's half brother. You call them when you guys share a parent. But he was really sweet. I spent time with his family. Got to know him a little bit. It made me feel like, it made me feel just like connected, I guess, to like my dad in a way, which is really nice. And it's something I really, really needed. I also ended up going on a bunch of podcasts episodes. I'm going to talk about that in this episode because one of the biggest things that was circulating on the internet was me having a relationship with my ex, which is interesting for a lot of reasons that we're going to get into in this episode later on. Because we're going to talk about why people have terrible relationships with the ex. And then I also went on. So I went on the pull-up podcast just where the ex situation came on. I went on faking adulthood with Rita, which was incredible. She's so witty. She's so fun. And then I went on Shia's, simply Shia's podcast. And there's nothing simple about Shia. That's my sister. We got matching tattoos together in London. Like it's been a whole vibe. I love that girl down. So yeah, it's been a really fun time. London was amazing. I had such incredible guests in the podcast. Like it's been fun just having my friends on the podcast. I had a bunch of people who even reached out to me. One is beyond my podcast. This season for me is still like me getting my feet where with my friends and giving you guys, I'm giving you guys an inside look into my life through my friends as well at the same time and seeing how my connections with people are in the industry. And I feel like season three might be me like bringing out the big guns and actually interviewing more people that I might not have such a close relationship with. Because everybody I think up until now that I have interviewed, I do have a really close relationship with. Okay, let's break down the podcast that I was on. First of all, Shia is so talented. She's so amazing. Shia is a Shia for like just being the best sister and best lover and best wife and everything else. Like Shia is just the best. Her podcast, she just said her podcast. I'm Shia says you all have to check that out too. It was just fun being on the podcast. I felt like it just girls hanging out. I hope you guys liked the episode with Shia as well. And then another episode we're taking adulthood with Rita. And I feel like it was so funny with Rita's episode because I think she generally was stunned at my comebacks. And I keep telling you guys like I'm super talented. People just don't deep that about me. Like I am a very talented individual. Like I think I'm funny. I just maybe I still get Shia in my head a lot but I think I'm very hilarious. So it was fun to like give it back to Rita. Like we had we just had Banta. And I really love that. And Banta is such a UK thing. Yeah, I know I'm British. Okay, stop it. But it was really fun to do that. And then I went on pull-up podcast just where the execution comes in. So let's talk about that a little bit because guys I don't have a lot of men in my life. Like I'm not I didn't realize I really don't hang out with a lot of heterosexual men. Like just very much masculine macho men like boys. Like I don't think I I fully spend time with men. And what I mean by that is I think the closest friends to me are like Justin, UG, any cash. And but those are I feel like most of them are still very effeminate men. Like they're very emotionally aware. And I must say the men on the pull-up podcast are not don't get me wrong. But I'm very like my friends. The male friends in my life are like I treat them like one of the girls or like my babies. I don't necessarily like spend time in male-dominated spaces. And when I do it's usually for work and professional reasons not just for me to hang out. And even if I'm spending time with multiple men or anything like that, it's typically also in like a game's nice situation. They have their wives with them. They have people with them. It's very like that kind of dynamic. Now I see that because the pull-up podcast that I went on is with six men. One, two, three, four, five, five men. Four, one, two. I'm trying to think it was four or five. I should double check that. It was interesting because I don't like it was, I don't know, okay, first of all, whenever I say interesting, when you swim to something, I don't really want to say what I want to say but I want to say at the same time. It was just an interesting experience navigating heterosexual male conversation. And I had the time of my life. But like I first like, that was my first time ever interacting with the podcast where like it was generally just me with a bunch of boys. And I've never been in that situation before. And I had a great time. I just realized that like the version of myself that existed on that podcast is a different version of myself that existed with Shia's podcast. And we read his podcast. If you watch all those episodes, you can realize that I'm such a assimilate into your environment type of person. But it was fun. We had, it was just random questions about like, if a girl is pregnant and like, you said you didn't want to not inherit and you didn't. And it was just like crazy shit. Boys are so interesting. Boys are so random. Guys, you think that like, men are just interesting. Anyways, so it was fun. And on that episode I talked about like having like a relationship with my ex. And I think I call my ex. And funny enough, I knew they were recording, but I didn't consciously think they were going to keep in the edit because I think once I walked into the room, they hit record. And as they were recording, I was, for some reason, the conversation came up about X's and something. And I remember saying, oh, like, yeah, like I do, I'm cool with my ex. He's really cool. And I was like, oh, I could even call him or something like that. And so I called him. I literally didn't think this was all on camera. And I called my ex and I'm like, oh, bye. And I said, I love you. And I go off the phone. And they were like, oh, and then they kept that clip in, which is totally fine. But then the conversation on line was like, oh, my God, this is weird. Why do you have a relationship with your ex? And I'm like, why don't you guys have relationships with your ex? I think maybe the takeaway from this conversation that we are going to have today for this episode is people need to have better relationships with the people in their lives. Especially if you're exchanging sexual fluids, just relationships in motion in general, you really, really, really, really, really, really need to revaluate why you have such not good relationships with your exes. And I'm saying this as a person who has, in my opinion, a really good relationship with all my exes. And if it's most of them are good relationships, and if there's no relationship, we either end it up amicably or there's a boundary set because of a partner in their life or partner in my life or something like that. But it's never a matter of like, I can't call you and your partner is going to think it's weird. It's always more like it's always love from this end. I don't understand why we don't have good relationships or exes. Now, this is with the caveat of if you have an ex and they were terrible to you, they were violent, they were aggressive, all those things, of course, don't matter in this conversation. But if you were with someone, relationships don't need to always end badly. Like, I wish we all sort of understood that. Like, some people outgrow each other, you're at different stages in life, family, religion, the genotype, blood type, blood group, all that stuff. And a lot of us don't try to do the work to put boundaries in place, grow out of the love, the relationship, and then find a place where you're on mutual ground where you can have respect for each other and talk to each other. Like, if I have had sexual relationships with you, like, I love my exes know a lot of shit about me. Why in God's name would I let them go? Why would I not be still be, have them in my life? They could, what? Maybe it's the control freaking me. But I'm sorry. If you've been in my life and you're a friend of mine, you know secrets that you have to take to your grave. So I need you close by. You can't be far away. You need to be right here, because if you're trying to ruin me, I'll be ruin you too. What? Maybe that's toxic, Sophie. Is that toxic we're thinking? I'm not sure. But I really don't understand this idea that we can be friends or exes. Okay, of course, I love you was a bit far. Me and my exes just have a really comfortable relationship. Knowing a bad way, but more like I have love for you. I don't mean I'm in love with you. I have love for you. Like you're cool people, you're a vibe, you're nice. Like I said, I love you to my friends. When I speak to them, I'm that is the kind of person I am. And there is a very strong boundary there with all my exes in the first place. And I am not defending myself. I'm just letting you guys know that I think it's weirder to now have a relationship with somebody who you were smushing booties with and who knows your deepest darkest secrets, especially if you guys ended on a good note. And if you didn't end on a good note, let's revisit why. If it was just like some emotional turmoil or you just didn't want to do the work of healing. Cause I feel like with all my exes, I just did the work of healing. You can't just see my notes app, it gets crazy in there. But yeah, so besides that pull up podcast episode about exes, it was just really, really nice. So I think I posted a bunch of things on Instagram stories about you guys asking questions with exes that we're going to talk about soon. But first of all, I want to start doing segments on the podcast because I feel like I just want to yap all the time. And there's a bunch of stuff on the internet that's about two weeks old now that I still want to talk about because I have a lot of things to say about it. So the first thing I wanted to talk about that was huge is something about the cutting room floor. The cutting room floor podcast is run by Rachel. I'm going to make sure I get her name right. Rachel on Monday and this is black creator. And I've loved her. I think she went viral recently for a conversation with Steve Madden. She's gone viral for a love conversation a bit so far. She also exclusively posts her podcast on Patreon. And why this is important to the conversation that I wanted to talk about was because she posted, I'll never forget because I saw that video that she posted maybe five, 10 minutes after she posted it on TikTok. What she was talking about wanting assistant and wanting help. And in the video where she posted, she was talking about how like she's been looking for an assistant, she's looking for a studio manager and like maybe a studio coordinator role is what she said. And essentially she was saying that the pay was $55,000. Now, the internet went crazy. Like I'm telling you guys, the internet went crazy. Talking about, you know, this is like terrible about wages. She needs to do better. She had a condescending tone. She was terrible. She was this. She was that dragging this girl. This girl then went on Patreon and she did a response and she was like, we're going to take the position off. We're going to come back and we're going to probably just like speak about it better because we made a mistake. And maybe I have an odd take. Okay, that's what I'm going to start calling my takes, an odd take about it because as someone who has a career in social media, one of my biggest gripes with our industry is sometimes we're not rooted in reality. And I'm not saying that because, oh, I don't say I don't think that pays low. I definitely think it is for the starting level position she was asking for it. But have we forgotten who has the money in this fucking country? Like when we were complaining, but when I'm looking, I'm like, this is a young black woman who maybe has three or four employees who's trying to get her way off. She clearly doesn't look like, unless I'm speaking into her life right now, she doesn't look like somebody who has $50 million to hire and pay somebody $150,000 salary. And I know it's not the minimum wage that she needs to figure out the wording for the position and all that stuff. But I was getting $36,000 with a master's degree when I came out of fucking by master's program in DC. $36,000 was my starting fucking salary with a master's degree. That's the real world. That is the real world. And I understand that it's not fair, we need better wages, but it does not start with her. She is not the person to start that. She is a solo imprimary nearer, working her way up and trying to figure a shit out. And I just, let me breathe, because maybe it's just let me breathe. Because I, I saw a lot of comments to about people policing the way she said it. So maybe, maybe her tone was annoying or aggressive or up he and she was uppity. I've always seen any fucking white mind when they talk about posting. We seen white women and we see other people do it. We have, we police black women to such an extent it's ridiculous. It is so disappointing every time I go online and see people with their Twitter fingers just yapping and yapping away. And I again, I am saying this with so much nuance because there's a lot of gray area here, right? Okay. Maybe she could afford to have paid the person more. Maybe she couldn't have, maybe she's just starting out. Maybe the position would have been that starting salary, but there's an opportunity for bonuses. There's a opportunity for growth. Maybe she did, she should have made it more because it's not a head of university minimum wage. So many babies. But at the core of that, $55,000 for an entry level position, bro, sign me the fuck up. Why true? Anyways, that was my take on it. So when I saw the conversation, you guys let me know if I'm crazy about this because maybe I am, and I just don't understand nuances because even whenever I talk about post-paying people in their roles and stuff, especially with the creative industry, the amount of money people especially in New York call out is actually absurd. Like people forget, like for example, I was, I'm looking for an editor from my vlog channel and I don't make any money on my vlog channel. This is not the problem of the editor, right? So it's not the editor's business, but I don't make any money on my vlog channel. I'm trying to, right? I need an editor. I'm doing this podcast. I'm doing TikTok. Doing short form on those others. Don't have time. I'm traveling. I'm launching a business. I'm launching a really, really exciting thing coming up. I need an editor and I was interviewing a bunch of people and I just found someone who said, oh, well, they want to edit videos for $600. $600 in a month. For one per video. And this would be a 30 minutes to, 30 minutes to 35 minute video. Six times for us 24, that's $2,400 a month. And if I am looking for, that's just an editor from a vlog channel. Then what about if I need an editor for my other channels or if I need a production assistant or a content creator or a content producer or this and that? This adds up how much money am I making? That I'm going to start shelving out $25,000 to people who are freelancers and stuff because people forget. People forget in this economy that, yes, it might seem granted that someone has a million followers, has all these viral views and whatever or whatever so they seem granted. Everyone is running a business and businesses when you look at the core of it, it's not fucking easy. So I'm not going to sit here and say she should have paid the person more, paid the person less. I just think we need to understand nuances and grace when we look at entrepreneurs like young people who are hustling when they're first starting out. I hope that made any fucking sense. I could just get and run sometimes guys because I was so upset when I kept just reading out people who are talking and then the fucking cut, I think, or I don't know what a newspaper article was, ended up just posting something and put her face as a problem with low wages in America. We're too good. So this is why I'm Nigerian and when I think about how much I could produce here, I'll give an example again, guys. ADHD is so crazy. I was hoping to launch a series on my YouTube channel and to do that, I was told that per production, per shoot day, I would have to pay people about $6,000 per shoot. That did not include editing. That's crazy, bro. And I understand quality, sometimes I'm in good quality out. I understand there's a recession, but I also forget people in Kim Kardashian's words, which is crazy to say, people just don't want to work anymore. And that's even me too. But yeah, I think there's a lot of grace that needs to happen and there's a lot of change that needs to happen within the hiring sector. But for someone who's starting salary was $36,000 with her master's degree for a nonprofit job where I work 24, seven a day, I know people who are taking way less, way, way less, and that is the reality. And sometimes with social media, we forget what the reality is because we're Twitter fingers and we're all typing and writing away and defending. But sometimes we need to go back to reality of like, that's the reality for a lot of people in this world. Fashion jobs are very cheap. Entry level jobs are very cheap. They could change, but it's not gonna change with a black woman who's doing her Patreon podcasts. Let's go to the big agencies. What is health paying their people? What is tart paying their people? What is fucking Goldman Sachs? Chase, Delta, Amics, like what are these big corporations paying their people? What is fucking Steve Madden and I don't know, all these other, like what, what is that? Where is that attack? Where is that conversation? Anyways, I'll take number one. I was too loud and let me know in the comments. I was lost a lot to you guys's opinions on this because again, opinions can change. I just don't think this one will change for me. After that, I know I'm a bit late on this. I think everybody's already tired about this. I'm not gonna spend too much time on this. But love Island reunion happened. Everybody is broken up. I think Ace and Shelley might have broken up. Ace went on the podcast with my guy Speedy and he talked about, I don't know if you guys feel a little violent. And he's really glad to show in the US. I don't even wanna talk about it. I just wanna know like, Lollandra and Nick are still together. I love Nicole Landra, by the way. So I'm a Nicole Landra stan. Ace went on the podcast, intonated that Nicole, Nick doesn't really like Hollandra. He's judging their relationship. Shelley be catching strings, but she still acts casual about it. Huda is a crazy person. God forgive me. And I say that with all the not loving my heart. I'm just, I don't empathize with people who weaponize their tears and weaponize their reality. I'm not friends with people who weaponize their person to attack other people. That's the best way to explain what Huda is. And she reminds me a lot of bullies who pretend and hide behind being kind and being nice when all they are is just, they're really just bullies. So not a fan of her. She also talked about, I know saying like, oh, when she was asked to be a relationship, she was like, oh, I can't Netflix. Oh, please. Oh, fuck, please. So that's my cake on that. I just don't, there's a lot of things in America about like not taking out accountability and not making posts about racism and stuff like that. And again, I sound like I don't want to talk about this because I really just don't want to talk about it. So I'm not going to talk about it while I'm still talking about it. I think let's talk a bit about social media, guys. I swear, I think it's because this is a migration person that I've been in a lot of conversations to be, I'm not in a lot of conversations today. I think people need more friends. I think people online need more friends. I think this idea that we all need to have such negative opinions to trend is really scary. I just see so much negativity online. And I want to take myself back to 2020, 2021, and so before we're coming online as a creator, and how positive the space was for maybe six to eight months. And social media then was so enjoyable. It was so funny, it was so nice. Of course, it's always been trolls, but I don't think it was as bad as now. Now, if somebody hosts an event, if somebody does a live, if somebody makes a comment, makes a statement, the amount of think pieces about just negative energy, if there's a festival that happened, people are running to get home, to clown and insult the festival for the views. I feel forgotten about positivity also sells. And it's crazy because people feed off of that negative emotion and they think, oh, because I'm complaining about this thing, I'm getting all these views, it works for me, it doesn't. It really doesn't, like at the end of the day, you're just being very fucking mean. Like, I think we just need to look at social media as a place where if you cannot go up to somebody's face and tell them the shit you're saying or typing in their comment section, maybe you really should not do it. And I think for me, just seeing the discourse around Love Island just reinforces that, there was also a festival that happened in DC Afro Plus Fest. And I went to Google it generally because I'm like, oh, I can't wait to see people's recaps. The first 30 freaking videos, where about how people were standing for six hours, is a fucking festival, bro. It's a festival. Of course, we're gonna be standing for hours. That's normal. It's a thing that happens anyway. I think people from Delta are here and I'm not sure if they're gonna come and kick me out from this thing. Let's see if they're kicking me out. Maybe not, maybe they are. They're not kicking me out, let's continue. I just, it was the first thing I was gonna help you complain. And they'll complain about like, oh, the event ran out of food at 7 p.m. and the show didn't end until 11 p.m. Okay, that's understandable. How long does the show be going on? Oh, this is the first year. Okay. Okay, maybe next day, now they're gonna learn for the better. People were standing for six hours. It was a really long time. It's a festival. Oh, it was really hot. There was a lot of people. If you've ever gone to Coachella, that walk from wherever you are, your Airbnb, all the way to actual festival grounds, will shake you and humble you. Point blank period. So I just, so even with Love Island, when I look at like the discourse online, the hate is insane, guys. Like, and I remember when I first started social media, I would say to myself, oh, I can't wait for my hate comments because I know I've made it. But now I don't even think it matters if you've made it or not. People just want to feed off of this. People were looking for those views that virality by being negative. And I never want to get to a point where that is me too. And I don't, I generally hope to God that I've never posted anything. I don't think I ever have. We're like, I will see something online and go, oh, she's ugly. Oh, she needs to change that. Oh, he needs to do this. That's what the group chat is for. What is wrong with you all? What is wrong with you? Hey, I just, you know, Trouvenor on his podcast is this thing where he talks about like, if I was a leader and the way if I ran the world, if I ran the world, I will make it that every comment you write, you had to record you saying the comment in the way that you mean it and send it to the person with your address. Just in case they wanted to respond back to you and however way they wanted to, they could. Maybe that would make people not be so excited to tap, tap, tap, tap on different. And yes, maybe it's a younger generation but it's all the product of our environments and if our environment keeps feeding up this negativity then people are going to still be negative and it's something that I just, I just, it's a mind fuck to me that I still just wanna get over. Speaking of negativity, I don't know if you guys know this but I just like, okay, first of all. I think I have the most eclectic taste in my social media intake because I enjoy love island stuff. I just talk to you about like the cut-in-room stuff. I'm also gonna talk to you about Mr. Beast and these are all on very different places in the internet but I hope you guys know any of these people. If you don't, thank God for editing because we're gonna pull these people's faces here because I won't, I love just, okay, okay. So times I think are Rolling Stone. Rolling Stone did a, I think a list of influential followers. First of all, if you guys didn't know, these lists are a mix of PR and notoriety meaning people who are notable don't have to apply to be on these lists but for the most part too, they are PR companies that reach out to creators who then apply to be on the list. So you can apply to be on time as 100. You apply to be on Rolling Stone's influential list. You apply to be on fours influential list. That's how these things work. It's not an act like that you just get. You apply, you send your criteria, you send your documents, you send your agent could apply for you, you have referrals. It's a whole process, right? So in this situation, Kayla Perron is this incredible, funny guy. I love him on podcasts. I actually don't, I've never met him in a person but he's really, really cool from what I have seen. He's friends with Drew Afwalo who's one of my favorite podcasts I've ever just talented. I love Drew down. So he's a huge fan of her and vice versa. He was number six on Rolling Stone's list and he has a million followers and Mr. Beast who has two 300 subscribers, 400 million? I don't know. He is number seven. And so Mr. Beast tweets something that says according to this list, a guy with a million followers is more influential than me. What I do to piss off Rolling Stone's. And when I saw that, I was a bit confused because I don't think he meant to tweet that with his actual page unless if he did, that's crazy to me. If he really, really did that, I think that's a bit absurd to me. I, if you ever think of something called being a sore loser, I think that would be my definition for that and mind you, I'm a huge fan of Mr. Beast. I don't necessarily him as a person, but his work ethic is something I admire, especially like the work he does. I am somebody who at the core of it would always admire somebody who just works hard and hustles. So at the core, I saw that I was like, why would he even care? Like, why do you care? But and then I'm just like, all of us have the same. 300 million followers, 1 million followers, 10 followers, two followers. I think if the everybody's still feeding into recognition, you want to be known, you want to be seen. No one is gracious anymore. No one is excited truly for the arts and the creativity of it all. They just all want to be seen. And this was just a clear example of that. Best message because everybody saw what he said and then he had to apologize and he responded with like, after this, I watched some of the stuff he's on and he's actually really good. I did said the tweet, I don't want smoke, but you shouldn't have set that in the first place because I didn't have the last look creator to numbers don't count. That's where the conversation about influencers and content creators come in, right? Because here's my take. And I feel like I've said this before in the podcast episode. A content creator is somebody who wants this to be their job. Like you create content for a living. You wake up one day and you say, oh, I want to create content on social media, on TikTok, on Instagram, on all these things. You pick your niche, you pick your platforms, you pick your logo, you do marketing. You are a content creator. And influencer is not somebody that's going to say they're an influencer. That's not how that works. Instead, an influencer is someone who happens to have influence. What that means is an influencer is someone who is sharing their passions and people just follow to follow. And it happens weird, right? Alex is a huge white influencer. But she started as a content creator. She was creating content lines. She was doing dance videos with no views. She was doing makeup videos, she was doing all these things. And then finally, she started gaining popularity because the thing that got her to blow up wasn't the makeup or the dances she was doing, but more of happenstance of like, oh, she was going out clubbing people. So this Miami white girl with no living her best life on this, let me follow her and then start growing influence. More name like Michael is an example of that too. She was a content creator. She used to drive with me to nursing school. This is what I want to do. She was teaching people stuff about her passions, about her life. And then she happens to gain influence because I think she used to do like slow more videos and fun throughout family. People started latching onto that and then they go from there. And the people that I think like Jackie INR is an example of someone who is a quite the core of it, both a content creator and an influencer. Meaning Jackie creates content. Like she sits down, she has the clean camera, everything is set, but she's done this for so long that she has had influence on generations of people. That's why I see this. So when I think about, think about Scrazy. So when I think about Mr. Beast, right, I think Mr. Beast is somebody who is a content creator and his influence is oftentimes on YouTube, right? People see his stuff and then they want to copy it. People want to buy his stuff, he's doing it because he has a lot of stuff to be following, but he is just a content creator who's big. And then I see people like Caleb who is definitely an influencer. Meaning he's constantly just influencing conversations, podcast hosting, all these things that he's doing. He's influencing it. That's why you could tell the difference and people saw that and they're like, look at him sideways, like, huh, what do you mean? And if you're watching something and you're like, you know, you don't even know who Caleb is, but you know who Mr. Beast is, it doesn't matter because the internet is so vast, like, it doesn't matter. Like even if somebody's not known, doesn't mean they are irrelevant because you don't know them because they're still known to other people. Does that make sense? Okay, apart from all of that debacle, I feel like I don't think there's anything else on my side of the internet that's happened. On some sad news, essentially, I don't know if you guys have heard about this, but I felt really weird bringing it up on the podcast because I felt like it was a weird thing to talk about in the first place, but now that she's actually posted a statement, I think now, in some way, I want to address the conversations around it, but this is a really, really sorry story, by the way, just letting you guys in front get into it. So there's another creator who I love and admire. She's the sweetest person in the entire world. She's our name is Emily Kaiser. And maybe two months ago or a month ago, she lost her four-year-old T. John in the pool in their house. And there's a lot of conversations around how he died, how the family is responding all that stuff. But if we're talking about social media and people's relationships, for example, Emily Kaiser is somebody who posted every day about her life. I met Emily on a tar trip and she was really sweet to me. And I remember I was scrolling on TikTok one night and I see a breaking news article that said, oh, influencer, a child drowned. And then the comments were like, oh, this is her house. And I remember I saw that comment and I went, I went and got for a bit and I just kept scrolling. And then like a few hours later, more people won't take talk again with the negative things. People kept talking about like, oh, it really is her house. People were going to search for the police report. Before she even came out to say, she lost her child. Her child, her child. So again, it was very dramatic, very traumatic, very sad. I just was like, first of all, this is, I hope it's not true, it's sad. Maybe two days later, it comes up that it's actually true and she lost her child. The thing pieces online about a mother losing her child would always haunt me. And I have a lot of friends who are mothers and I've always heard them say how the toxic, the most toxic side of the internet is parent talk, right? People were parents who were judging other people for how they parent. And there's so many things that could be avoided with a little bit of that. I didn't have the day, this woman just lost her child and her family is dealing with in whatever way they can. And the internet thought it best to create thing pieces about how somebody else's family needs to address the situation, needs to behave, needs to move. And even now, I feel like a couple of months later when she finally posted a statement, which I'm gonna put here, essentially you could tell like she's blaming herself for what happened, but she's also telling herself she's gonna pull back from social media because it's crazy that this is people's reactions to. I mean, she has to make people not go search for the police reports on how her child died. And I remember sitting here and I went, the internet is really a crazy place. And the fact that this is my career scares me every time because I like to tell my friends that I don't even think I'm grown yet. Like I think I am still 0.001% of where I want to be. And everything I tell you guys about myself is my reality. Like, there's a lot of things that are private for sure. And the other things I just, you guys would never know about me, but at the core of it, my sentiment and like my life is just me being me. And it terrifies me that at some point, maybe the internet is gonna turn against me or people are just gonna be mean and terrible and just hurtful and all these other things. And people will just never understand boundaries. And that's just exactly what it is with the situation. People just do not understand boundaries because they're one of the people that even with the statement are like, oh, how dare she make a statement and then come back. Do you want to understand that? Let me know, shout. Let me know, shout. Because just to understand something, this woman, this is her job, this is her livelihood. There are people, families who work nine to five, who lose even their entire family, God forbid, knock on something. They have to go back to work. Sometimes they don't even have bereavement leave. They don't, they don't get to breathe. They don't get to fucking breathe. They have to come back to work. They need to live. She had a child two, three months before that. She has to feed her child. She has to come back to work. At the end of the day, I think we forget the parasocial relationships here. Like because she's online selling your products and talking and getting ready with me is showing you how to stock up your cabinets. Doesn't mean that's not a real job. Because we've made it her real job. The social media is a real fucking job. And I am so over people, belittling creators, all respect and how hard they fucking work. If it was easy, you think everybody will not have 20 million followers? You think people will be, you think, oh, guys. Maybe I am a bit cranky today, Erin. Is it just something in the air? I don't know, but I think it was really frustrating because a lot of the sentiments are like, oh, how dare she come back after their loss? Did she have a fucking choice? Maybe she did, maybe she didn't. But where do we lose sight of supporting people? Am I too loud for saying people need to mind their fucking business and just give grace, give understanding, show up for people? And I get it sometimes where we want to be critical. But oh, everybody wants to be a critic nowadays. Well, let's see who is not seen. Let them cast the first fucking stone. Cause there's someone who were so up and see about, this is why I would never do this, I never do that. McGonnellese being our shoes. Oh, no, I was about to insult somebody. I mean, no, curses, I'm one like that. So yeah, but that was really disappointing and sad to see people's response to that. But that's also something that I wanted to address on the podcast. I just like say that. I just sent so much love to Emily and her family and just all the respect and she's so strong and the internet is such a scary place. Guys, like, it is a scary place. Like I don't think you guys understand it. Like putting yourself out there is a terrifying thing to do. I just came up from Punta Kanna and I was on my trip and it was about seven girls, three guys. And the conversation is a lot of people have when they see me with my camera. I was like, oh, you're so natural with the camera. You're just posting because I have my vlog channel. And I love questions also like people who are like, oh, they're posting, they've taken all this content, but they never post. Or people were like, oh, I can never post. I'm just taking it from memories. Or people who are just like, oh, I don't know how you do it. So feel like I'm shooting every time you're scared. No one is going to see this till later. There are people in this world who don't have a choice. Who's lively who is dependent and posting a TikTok every day. And maybe that might sound like a fourth world fucking problem. But there are people in third world countries who still survive off the fucking internet. Like, let's not pretend like this is not changing people's lives every day. The people who started from nothing. I started from nothing. Guys, what are we fucking talking about here? Let me be talking about myself. I started from nothing, nothing to get to where I am today. And I'm not even anywhere I want to be here, but I'm so grateful that I had the opportunity and I have the, I guess courage and just strength to navigate what the internet is. And people oftentimes forget that it's not easy to tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, and share your life. I am literally sitting in a fucking airport in the lounge brainstorming here, which had you be a notion trying to figure out how to entertain and how to learn how to host. I'm taking acting classes, hosting classes, having dreams, telling you all my dreams, wanna do a live show, wanna do this, wanna do that. I'm traveling the world, I'm doing all these things, and I'm documenting at the same fucking time. It's not easier. And I'm not saying I have it harder than everybody else in the world, because so now I'm gonna say all that problem, like, oh, it's just complaining. I'm not complaining, I'm so grateful for my life. But we oftentimes forget. We oftentimes forget to empathize with people, empathize, empathize, empathize so important in the world. And I hope you're listening to this, especially my part from, I love you guys, some of you guys know that. I hope you're listening to this and it gives you strength. Strength to like chase your dreams and not care what people say, because I know I'm saying a lot about how like the internet is scary, please, and you guys are like, yeah, this is why I don't post. But also I never want to respond to such behaviors with cowardice or with like a fear, because the fear of looking stupid is the only thing I would ever hold me back. The fear of shame, the fear of what people mean to me online, be mean to me, I'll just off my phone and carry on my deal, go touch grass. That's the new thing, that's the trend that the kids are saying now, go touch grass. I'll go on a flight, I'll go to the beach somewhere because God is good, you know what I mean? So maybe I do have some strong fears about the internet. I didn't realize that, I didn't realize that till now. But yeah, so I just, again, I went, go back up and went to kind of for my friends birthday, her husband planned this incredible, incredible trip for it was really, really nice. And then let me tell you all my plans, because it's pretty crazy. I just, I'm really excited for each episode of the podcast because I never know where it's gonna take us but you guys just get to listen to it anyways. But I have a really, really, really, really exciting announcement that you guys get to hear here first. It's gonna be a special entry that we're going to be let you guys know about really, really soon. I am going to be going to Nigeria. I am so freaking excited. So excited, so nervous, we're really excited. I'm going to Nigeria, but before I go to Nigeria, I'm going to be in Atlanta for something called AfriCon where I might slot the podcast. It's going to be co-hosting a live show with my friends Justin Uji and any cash, the broadband show of the broadband show in Atlanta, September 18th to the 20th for this AfriCon conference. My first live show ever, and that is in preparation for my actual first ever live show. That would be in Nigeria. Dates to be determined. Time to be determined. Guests to be determined. But I want to let you guys know that. I'm coming to Nigeria in Nigeria the entire day of October. I miss home so very much. I've not been home in two years, which is long enough for me. I ended up making Ghana my home at this point and you guys have been cloning me for being in Ghana for so long. So I'm coming to Nigeria. I want to connect with people. I want to see y'all with the part fam. So I'm going to be hosting a live show of the podcast and just of a live show of just awesome. We're going to be hanging out. It's going to be a really good time. I'm so excited. I'm really, really nervous. This would be the first time I'm going to be putting myself out there out there like that. Like guys, you kind of dream more. And then never act on it. Like that's the one thing I'm learning about myself. The dreams I've said I want to do well and done it. I keep saying I want to host. Like I want to be like Ellen DeGeneres level, Kevin Hart level host. I can't do that if I don't host shit. If I don't post shit. My friend Shire is a big inspiration for this for me because I see her just take the world by storm and I'm just like, I can do that. I can take the world by storm. I can just be myself and things will fall into place. So it's really fun. I'm really excited. I'm really nervous. But it's going to be our first live show. It's going to be us in the room together. And you guys just hear me yapping talk and just, you're going to submit questions before the show. We're going to answer it on stage. It's going to be filled out, of course, because I will trust y'all, but I'm really excited for it. So you heard it here first. I might see a lot of the podcasts is going to be hosting her first live show in Nigeria. And who knows, maybe after that, I might host a show in New York and London and then live in Dubai. I have followers in Zimbabwe. I don't know why it says Zimbabwe. But I remember that being a statistic. So Zimbabwe, I'm so I'm really excited too. So stay tuned for that. OK, now we're going to go into what I like to call my loudline, which is going to be like a segment where we talk about like listener questions, listener callins. Like I you guys, there's a voicemail. You guys can call callin and leave a voicemail for me for me to play on the podcast. And you can go to my slot.com for that. But you guys had some questions about Xs so we're going to answer those. So let's see what you guys have. So first one is, is it petty to block my X, my X is an asshole? Yes, I feel like it is not petty. Sorry, no, yes, that's what I meant. Is it supposed to block an X, my X is an asshole? No, it's not petty. I just, I blocked people for everything. I don't know if you guys have heard about this. I posted a text book about it the other day. The other day, let me give you an example on Snapchat. Snapchat, this is a reason why I block with somebody do. So the other day on Snapchat, one of my followers who is a long time follower, I knew that. She commented and she said something along the lines of like, oh, I really prefer you without a wig. My Sophie's always bald, blocked. Why are you talking about my parents? I didn't ask you for that. How dare you? I blocked people for the most random shit. Cause I was like, no, there's another person who said the same, excuse me. There's another person who said the same thing. And then I actually DMed her because I saw the dead. She had a response and she was really sweet. For other messages, there was the first time she mentioned a comment about my personal appearance. And I was like, hey, typically I would block you, but you seem to support me for real. So this is me letting you know that it's actually in polite to talk about someone's appearance and give your opinion and brought their appearance and maybe next time don't. She apologizes and she was like, I'm so sorry, whatever. So I said, okay, fine. So another time I think someone was like, oh, Sophie, does your mom know the like, how you dressed you a bit too wayward or something blocked? Someone just said, hello, and they blocked me. Someone just said, already, and they spelled it with one T, not two T's that blocked them. I don't know, guys, I just have trigger fingers, but I know for sure I don't block people who I know. Which is actually something I have started working on. I just feel like it's never been a thing. I don't think I have any X's blocked. I'm never blocked in X. Me too, I might, maybe, but I don't really think I'll block them, but if the person is an asshole, this is a conversation I get about the X's I brought up earlier, right? I think if an X is an asshole, you don't need to have a relationship with them because they're clearly an asshole, you don't need to entertain them. But if this is somebody in your life who you generally care about, who you guys just weren't friends anymore, I don't think you have to hate them. You know, I mean, you don't have to call them, speak to them every day, but I don't think you also need to sever the relationship in that way. So guys, do you delete old videos and photos of your X's or past relationships from your phone? Do we, do we do this? I don't. I still have videos from like, X's is like, I don't know, it's the first time I go to the phone, like my oldest phone has all my memories. I don't delete stuff. I, and I'm not saying I go randomly every day because you guys are like being the comments like, oh my God, do you just go on wishful thinking and my girl kind of have, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm gonna wake up one day and say, let me reminisce on the time I was with Cheney. No, I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that. I never like, of course I'm not gonna go searching and soul searching and be like, oh my God, this was 2018 when we're in bed together. I'm not doing that, but I don't necessarily intentionally go through every relationship I've been through and then delete the stuff I have had of them. I think those memories are just, I don't know, I think they like, they show my growth in a way and I saw a comment the other day about that and I thought to ask you guys, let me know in comments. Do you go through old videos and footage of like you and your exes and you delete everything? Do you keep them in the separate folder? Do you just throw the phone away? Like how do we do that? I don't, but do you? So having a question here, can you really ever get closure from your ex? I'm struggling with this. I realize that sometimes closure needs to come from within rather than the person. I am a people pleaser and I'm also somebody who always wants people to like me and make sure we're good and we're okay and all this stuff all the time. And after some time, I just, it goes to a point where I'm just like, I don't think life is that necessary. I don't think it's that serious. I really don't think it's ever that serious in life. And once I had to rewire my brain about that, I think closure became less important to me and more of like a acceptance of what I can control. So for a lot of people, closure comes from the fact that like, I want to know why you did what you did because I didn't deserve that kind of thing. Rather, it's more of like a, how can I control how I'm feeling? If I reach out to you for a closure and something because I really want to understand something you don't respond to me, I accept that and just move on from it. I'm never gonna force anything. So yes, we need to see closure. We talk about a lot about how closure is helpful, but I also think we don't talk about closure enough from the perspective of you just getting closure within yourself about a relationship that might have not worked out, might work out all of that stuff. Cause that's even more important. Like find closure within yourself. Like give yourself that safety and security of like, you don't need other people controlling your emotions on whether or not you can move on from something because they're controlling how you're reacting to that thing. Instead, just collect closure from it. Okay. Another question is how to stop cyber stalking my ex. I am still always stalking my ex. I've never had the problem of cyber stalking an ex. I don't, I've never been the girl who like, goes through Instagram to find out what like an ex is do. I just, guys, I don't do that. I don't know if that's weird of me or not. It's also not out of sight, out of mind thing. I just don't, I've never get out of myself. Maybe this is just like the, I don't even know cause I'm an anxious avoidant. I'm an anxious fearful. I don't fucking know what my attachment style is. But either way, I know I do, I'm anxious something. And you would think because I'm anxious, I tend to like, cyber stalk my exes a lot. And not really. I think I'm very, I like, I hate people having control. Maybe just, it's just me being a control freak. I think this is just me being a control freak because outside of that, I really don't care. I just don't want people to have control over me in any way, shape or form. It's just not my thing. I just don't like it. So I just, I just, my, my business essentially. So I just don't, I think a healthy relationship with yourself is not allowing yourself or enabling yourself doing shit like that. Like, cyber stalking an ex like, let it go. And if you can't let it go, write a note. Guys, some, I don't know if this is a pro-og tape or whatever. One of my biggest ways of moving forward or finding closure is writing things down. People don't join on, I don't love people do, but there's a lot of power in like writing your emotions down. So if I was ever going through a breakup or I'm having issues with someone, I write so much shit in my notes app because I realize sometimes that I just need to get it out. Like, sometimes I just need to talk it out or get it out and feel like sometimes I just like, type it to, I have a folder of the person's name and I just type everything I wish I could say to that person. Because once I get it out, I feel a lot better and I can just let it go even more, just deleted and move on. I don't have to send it to them. I don't even try to send to them. I just write it down for my own healing. And maybe if you're struggling with cyber stalking, you want to like find out what they're doing, write a letter to yourself about why you think that's necessary. And maybe that would help you find a way to not do that anymore. Last thing is what actually helps you move on from your ex since you have such a good relationship with all your exes. Oh, my days, I don't know. I feel like I enjoy falling in love. I'm the kind of person who I've never run away from love. I think love is so exciting. I also think it doesn't help to like, my mom is a single mom, right? So I didn't grow up fantasizing on any romantic relationships. I grew up thinking love was something you participated in, like friendship. Does that make sense? I just feel like for me, love was just another emotion or another aspect of life that you just participated in when you wanted to, when we're growing up, you want friends. You want a lover or you want a boyfriend. You want a girlfriend. Like I just felt like it was a thing you participated in. So because of that idea of love, it also helped me understand that if I can move on from friendships, I can move on from relationships to, that's how I think about it. I've never been once to separate those two. Like my lover is, or people are my relationships with, are first my friend. Like I need to like you as a person. I need you to be my friend. I need to fuck with you heavy for me to be in a relationship with you. And I think that's why I've ever like fluttered with you. We've ever had a thing, unless I'm talking out of my ass here for the most part, we're cool. Like we're cool. You're my guy and my person. I hope I communicate clearly about where I am in the relationship, where I want to be. Like I try my hardest to not make it messy because I treat my relationships, like I treat my friendships too. And I value my friendships heavy. I like guys. I found out what love was like because of my friends. My story was very, very, I left Nigeria, came to a makeup by myself, and I found family here with friends. Like my friends are my sisters. Like I'm going to DC after this to go spend time with one of my really close best friends and my god daughters. And like those are dashes my sister. Like I just, when I go back from London, I was staying in my other sister's house. And she's my friend who became my sister. My friends have shown me so much love, so much affection, so much care that they've healed a part of me that I just, I never ever thought was possible. So I think it makes sense for me that moving on would also be not as easy for sure, but I think the same way, like I navigate my friendship, the same way I navigate my relationships, right? I learn to move on. Like I treat it as just as much as I say, how do I explain this? I treat my relationship as something that, if it ends, I'm not broken, right? Because I think a lot of people too, when they start relationships, they think about relationships as something where it's like you and this other person, then if this person leaves you, you're broken. I always like to say like a relationship is one plus one equals three. May you go together real bad. We create an entity of the both of us. And if something ever happens that we break up, the entity doesn't exist anymore. I'm still whole, you're still whole. A part of me still feels like that third thing is missing or it's gone, but because it's not a part of the distinct core of who I am, it doesn't affect me in the same way. I love you, I'd miss you, I'd care about you, but I'm not broken. And I think that's how we all sort of navigate our friendships. So I think that's why I take that version of myself into relationships too. When my friendships are over, a part of me is heartbroken. But do we realize that our friendship heartbreaks hurt more, but we don't treat them the same way we treat our love relationships, like our non-plotonic relationships. And that's something that I had to learn. I wanted to switch. I wanted them to be on the level playing field. Of course, my partner is not going to be on the same as all my friends, but at the beginning, you all are going to be friends. Like, no, no, you're my friend first. Even if it's sex is involved in it, we're friends first. And then you work towards getting to the level where like it's just me and you against the world. And if you leave, that's okay, because I'm not broken still. And my friends don't lose me because you're gone for some reason, because you didn't take any part of me essentially, like we created something separate. When you move on, I'm able to move on from it too. So I think that's my thinking of relationships. That's what's helped me. But guys, I am happy. I'm just, I'm in a space right now that feels very foreign to me. So I just turned 28. My career is doing well. I, again, I'm, I'm going to say this, oh, every podcast episode, I did not resign my lease. So I just, I'm just traveling around the world. And I think right now, my passion is just podcasting and like hosting and just honing in my skills to like want to host even more. And I also want to really, really act. So I'm going to start getting into that. I want to travel some more, like document the world for you guys. One thing I've noticed is on my travels and on this journey, here's what I'll say. So one of the biggest reasons why I left New York was because one of the things I started realizing that by myself that I didn't like was, America is a rat race. It's who gets the next fancy apartment, who gets the next chi collective drop, who gets the next a knee for drop, who's seen fashion week, who's, who's an x, y and z. Mind you, I'm doing all these things too. Don't get me wrong, I love all those things. Who's going on the next brand deal? One is your next car. One is there's always something you're building towards. And I had to sit with myself and be and ask myself, what did I actually want? And if you know, so if you know, I enjoy new things. And I used to always think that was a bad thing for me to want. A lot of my friends would tell you I was restless, like they would tell you that, oh, she's just so, she's not, like she's not connected to things because, you know, she's just restless, she's, she's not social with this. And I always felt like that was a bad thing, but I just didn't realize that my energy was just going into the wrong thing. I have thoroughly enjoyed not having a home. And I have thoroughly enjoyed living out of hotels, visiting in my friends, staying in Airbnb, traveling, doing new things. And one of my favorite couples that I love to watch are Cara and Nate, and they've known how to house or a home in six years. And that's something special. I definitely know that it's a shift that I'm working towards. My goal was to spend six months without having an apartment in a house. And then getting an apartment early next year, but now I don't know if that plan is going to stay the same or if it's going to change. What I know right now is I am very, very happy with what I'm doing. I have plans till the end of the year. I know exactly where I'm going to be. I'm spending less money than I would have ever spent because I'm not paying rent. I'm reconnecting with my friends and visiting them. I'm also learning who's a good friend to me and who's not, who's showing up for me and who's not. I've been to places where the friends who have stayed at my place, who've hung out with me, don't show up for me, don't pick up my calls, act shady and just mean girls. And I've also met people who go above and beyond to make sure I'm comfortable. It's just, it's healing for me to just have fun. I love having fun. I love the life I'm living right now. I would not change it at all. I'm 28 and I have the resources and the time to travel the world and I want to do that. I don't know when anything is going to change, but that's where I might tool out the fucking podcast and that's why I'm the mother fucking audity. Because I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know what tomorrow brings. All I know is that I am happy, I'm content, I am grateful and I just, I can't wait for just so much more. Okay guys, that is gonna be the end of today's episode. It's actually getting dark. What time is it? Oh shit. Let me see one time, I'm gonna keep this in the vlog. No, the vlog, I'm gonna keep this in the podcast. Let me see what time my flight actually boards. Okay, boarding time is 925 is currently 749, so I still have an hour which is good. Also, I definitely got upgraded to Delta. I got upgraded to first class on my flight, so I was very excited about that. Shout out to me for doing that. But yeah guys, that is the end of today's episode. I'm so excited to see you in my next episode with Sophie aka the mother fucking audity. I love you guys so much, I miss you so much and I'm glad we finally got to catch up. Yeah, I don't know what else to say. I guess it's the end of it. I don't wanna leave guys, I don't wanna leave. I don't know, I feel like I wanna stay. I wanna stay and say hello. As soon as I hear from you, send me a voice mail or something, I don't know. Guys, I feel like I don't like this long distance shit that we're doing. I just, I wish it was more. Okay, I'm done. Actually, I love you guys so much. I'll see you in my next episode. And hopefully we have a guess and if we don't, we'll see, fuck it. I'm gonna see you next time. Bye guys, I love you.