What if I was Gay?

Sophie are you gay? If I see that question, I immediately feel like my heart is in my throat. One thing about Sophie that you would learn a lot is you cannot tell me something is right over all. I never understood that concept. I can immediately imagine my mom's heart breaking into. You're this, you're that good for me. I can hear it in my head. I know it's coming. Welcome to Am I Too Loud. I'm Sophie, aka The Audity. Are we really? Nope. Oh, this is gonna be such a shit staring episode. Hey, hey guys, welcome to Am I Too Loud with Sophie, aka The Audity. All right, intro's done. I love it. My intro is short because by the time I upload this video, I know, I know, I know. I know you're here for the team. I know you're here for the scoop for all of the, I just know. Okay, and I appreciate it. I also appreciate if you're watching this video that you're going to engage with the conversation I'm about to make with respect because you know the Audity. You know how we get down with respect each other. We're talking each other's choices. We respect each other. I'm gonna say that four times. The goal of this episode is simply to just respect people. Okay, all right. Welcome back to the episode you guys. I actually, I've been wanting to do this episode for a really long time, or at least just talk about it, but I've never been sure how I want to engage in the conversation. And finally, I decided why not, especially because I got a DM the other day. And this DM was actually two parts. The first DM was someone that you're going, I think they sent me the DM, I think a year ago or two years ago. I feel like I was in 2021. What's that? Two years ago. Two years ago. Two years and one was what? Three years ago. I posted a video on TikTok. And this video was very slide. In that video, I was, they were asking me like different things. And in that video, I insinuated that I might swing in different ways, right? Or I think I just clearly said it. Well, like, it didn't, like, it was just like a random video that I did. I'm going to try to find that video where I felt like it's like all the way down in my TikTok. And so the person like sent me that video and my DMs and said, Sophie, are you gay? And I remember seeing that. And I continued reading onto their recent message. And they sent me this really long message. They're a Nigerian. So an African woman living in Lagos, Nigeria, and they're currently having feelings for their best friend. Who is a girl? And they basically were trying to explain that. They saw my video and they're so scared to come out. And I put them out in quotes, come out to their family and their friend, or even to lose that friendship with the best friend out or something like that. They're actually so scared to come out to their friend or tell their friend and by their feelings with the don't want to ruin the relationship. And they're asking me what to do. And they also asked me and said something along the lines of, well, God punished me. And it's sort of incinerated in not wanting to be here anymore if they lost the relationship or the friendship. That generally broke my heart. And the whole point of my mind, too, a lot of this podcast is for us to have engaging conversations with respect, but also not necessarily with a lot of knowledge. And I'm going to say that because I don't think I am a gay rights activist or I am like this person who is constantly sharing some agenda, right? I don't think that's the case here. I think I am simply just going to be sharing my opinions about this particular situation from my background as a Nigerian immigrant living in New York City, what that looks like as a Muslim living in New York as well, but also not necessarily putting religion or morality or any other isms or things that you guys would bring into the conversation. I am simply asking the question or I want to answer her question through this medium. Okay, I've yapped, yapped, yapped this intro. And I feel like this is clearly a really messy intro at the same time. Well, let's talk about it. Am I gay? Is it right to be gay? Is it wrong to be gay? Is it? There's so many, so many people with different opinions about that. But I'm going to start with my opinion. Mind your fucking business. Is it hard? Is it hard? I'm so confused. Why is the fucking question? Why is it a damn question? Why is it a question in the world where it matters who I spend my nights with, who I am engaged to, who I like? Why is it a damn question? And I know that sounds like such a privilege. I might look at me already getting frustrated because I felt at the end of the day like I feel like I'm yelling this into the void, but I hope I hope I hope I hope I hope to God that this conversation has someone out there actually asking themselves the same question. Why do you freaking care? Okay, so I'm going to tell a story and when I'm done with the story, I hope you can get something out of it. So I went to boarding school. And when I was in boarding school, of course, like the girls are in one dorm and the boys are in one dorm. But particularly why is this important to know is because it was a bunch of girls living together, right? Especially it was like 32 girls living together. And I know I had, I'll call her Gloria. It was a girl called Gloria, right? And I think it was like just common knowledge that Gloria was gay. And why I say it was common knowledge is because we just all, you know, like you just all have a perception of someone. And you know, like, oh, they definitely don't give a fudge about guys. They really like girls. And I did not give a flying fudge about it. And I remember those, the criteria conversation I was having, and this was like, I was like, I think nine, 10, like first year in school, we're sitting now. We're all having conversations. And we had another person. I don't want to give names because it doesn't really matter in the story. But there's another person we're having a conversation. And Gloria came, came up and we had this girl who said, like, oh, that's disgusting. That's weird. It can never happen love, blah. I don't understand why she's a weirdo. And I remember not understanding why I had to care or why like they felt so strongly about this person being a certain way. And so I called my mom at the time. And I was telling her about my friend and this and how people were talking about her. And my mom was like, oh, yeah, like, that's wrong. And one thing about Sophie that you would learn a lot is you cannot tell me something is right or wrong. I just never understood that concept, especially with human nature and humanity and understanding that we're on a fucking floating rock. Okay. And this is this is Sophie being so honest with you. This is how I thought as a nine year old. We're on a floating rock. Whatever is dealing with whatever someone else's dealing with, I wouldn't I wouldn't rather eat poop than have to understand or try to decipher or explain why that should matter to me. So remember my mom told me that in nine years open. I was like, oh, what does that matter? Like she's who she is almost like, no, that's no what we're taught. That's not right. And I remember thinking why isn't it right? And that's been the biggest question of always asked myself throughout life when everything ever like happened to me or there are choices that has been made was what was deciding what right overall is and how what does that matter. And so Gloria finally actually left school because there was a lot of bullying that was happening. You could tell like she never felt comfortable. The girls were really mean to her. The guys were really mean to her. And that's been a lot of pattern, especially when you grew up in a society that villainizes people based on their social orientation. And I can sit here as a damn hypocrite because I am from a country that in prisons folks for being who they are. I think you get 14 years in prison for simply being or just in or identifying as being gay, which again, I don't know how the fuck you're gonna figure that out. How? What are you gonna do? Watch me. I'm so confused. But I remember that sort of like been my guiding principle as I interact through life. So here's where I come in. I'm gonna go back to the question the DM I asked me, which is am I gay? And honestly, if I see that question, I immediately feel like my heart is in my throat. The fact that this even the question itself affects me in that way breaks my heart in so many ways because I'm always I'm always in awe of people who exist in the space in the world where they're demonized for simply existing. And I feel like I'm able to stand in that balance, but I'm also scared to honestly come on and be like, yes, or maybe no. You know what I mean? I think Bordance was the first time I actually looked at myself and I was like, hmm, what is what is here? And who do I like? Who do I don't like? I think my first crush, my first crush was a guy. My first crush was a guy that I really, really liked. However, I did have a huge crush on another girl, who I also really, really liked. And I remember navigating those emotions when I really think I saw how that diary entry, where I was like, oh, I really like this girl. Well, I think that's weird. So I'm not going to like her. I'm just gonna like this boy instead. I'm gonna double down. Well, she was always in my life as that like person for me. Does that make sense? And I think that was then. It was like Bordance school in high school in Nigeria, where I've always had not feelings, but I always didn't think it was a big deal. I just always just simply existed as me at the same time. It was one time when my mom was really, really unhappy with me about something that was doing in America. And she made a comment and she says, I regret sending you to America. And I remember, I will never forget hearing that because I understood what she meant. I think moving to America gave me freedom that I never thought existed. Like it gave me the accessibility and the choice. And I know that's really hard, especially within the political climate of this country and the issues that this country still faces, but in comparison to where I come from. There's a lot of acceptance in this country that isn't there where I'm from. Right. And I think that's just what we have to deal with. So I know in Nigeria, like even having this conversation, I know I have a little Nigerian listener. If they listen to this, some of them are either checked out. Some of them are already like feeling jucky. Some of them are already drunk conclusions. Some of them are always like, what the fudges they're saying. And the others who are like, finally, someone is talking about it. And I think I can sit here in New York City and talk about it more because of where I am. And I think the cultural difference there is huge. Like it's a massive gap was also the reality is there are people who exist back home in Nigeria who are ostracized who feel like they have to hide in part of themselves who are on the DL because of because of who they are, who they love versus me here in America, who I feel like I have the luxury in a way because it's also like again, the political climate here is also very different where I can say I can exist as one thing versus the other. If I do go back home, is this conversation going to happen? Are people going to what are people going to take in this conversation? And like, what are they going to be asking me? I'm so curious. I really did not think this through when I started this podcast. I thought to myself, hey, I shouldn't have podcasted ever so called. Am I gay? And as I'm selling into this conversation, is it really loud to say I dare I dare anyone to question my choices of who I am because of what reason? Like who are they in the in the grants who are things usually in regards to my life? So yes, it's terrifying to think about it, but also like I feel like the vulnerability on the intensity of how I want to present a peer online, I need to talk about this. When you're straight or when you like a girl, there is no time you realize your feelings. You know what I mean? It's just there. And I've always been the kid or the child who just understood like society tells you exactly certain things and you just exist that way. And if you don't follow the grain that you're different in some weird way, but with this particular reason, I can't sit here and be like when I was nine years old, I looked into eyes of a woman and I thought to myself, oh, I think I would not want anything else in my life but this or when I was 15, it was when I don't think I could ever say that. And I'm not negating anyone who was ever felt like that. I am simply just saying from my lived experience, I have never felt like that needed to matter. And I hate that the discourse around sexual orientation and like people's choices is always around when they felt it happened. Because for me, it's a natural occurrence because it existed in people. Now, there might be a lot of, I don't want to say terrible people because people have been choices. There might be a lot of people who listen to this episode and immediately feel so strongly that's weird or that's different or that's odd. It's not your business. That's the whole point of this conversation. That's the whole point of even me existing as the oddity is it's not your business and it shouldn't be. It shouldn't be anyone's business. It should simply be the person who's existing as themselves. And so for me, when you ask me that question, I feel so strongly that I don't know and I've never thought about it because for me, it was just the norm. If I like this person, I really like this person and I never had to figure out if I had to make a choice or choose not to accept it when I was in Nigeria, of course, because society is already telling you, this is wrong versus this is right. Because I think identity identity is a big word. That's a big buzz word. We hear identity a lot. And what's funny is I think you hear identity more in America than you do in Nigeria. I think you lean into identities here a lot more because there's a lot more identities here to choose from. I think my real broad story, I'll tell you what I mean by that. When I first came to America, right? What was I told I was? Where I'm coming from? I'm a Eurobar woman. African if I'm thinking around the huge continent. For the most part, I'm a Eurobar woman because it's most existing in silos. And maybe sometimes just a Eurobar girl, you know, I mean, that's the vibe. And when I came to America, I was African. I wasn't immigrant. I was international. I was black. I was dark skin. I was bald. So my identity went from two to six. And even then within those identities, there was like different constructs and rules and regulations of how you need to exist in those spaces. And I've always felt weird and frustrated by those limitations. And so when I think about even, oh my god, I was Muslim. I was Muslim. And that was a big part to play in the conversation. And we're not even going to get into religion in this episode because I think I want to do a whole episode where I talk about religion. And that's going to get me dragged by my scalp. I'm not even my hair with my scalp. But I was Muslim too. And in all those identities, again, people always try to tell me what to do. I hope in this episode, I'm not you're not listening to think I'm giving something to take away from this except for the fact that you have a choice in how to exist. And even if it's not the norm or it's not an idea what's the side of things you should be existing in, you have the choice, right? And it's frustrating when especially when you're you live in and you live in a country or a space that constantly tells you this is exactly how you're supposed to behave. I think that that's unfortunate. I think that's heartbreaking. Being African as a different kind of weight to coming out because it feels like you're not just going against your family but an entire community's expectations. Yes. So like I still have me to say, was that why I should be doing this episode? Yeah. Go ahead. As you guys, people are going to be looking at me as like a voice. So we're talking about communities that exist in Africa. They like this, they actually exist. Yes. But they're not able to come out and be like, hey, this is me. Yeah. Right. But you've been able to live there and you've lived here. Yes. Is this hard? Like this moment? Yeah. Is this hard for you? It's terrifying for me. Why? Because everyone, I think at the end of the day, every human wants to be accepted. And I think we come from a culture, the African culture is controlled and ruled by shame. Right. I think a lot of this is a very broad statement. A lot of things that we all believe in, the factor in it that makes you want to stay within the constructs of bounds of what they're telling you is because of shame. Like you're shamed, you're ridiculed, you're it's frowned upon. So you want to just stay in that lane that people are telling you to do so. Think about it from like a religious standpoint, from friendships from this, from now all the experiences you make, I didn't have the day like it's guided by shame. And within the African society, that's it's huge. Our entire society is around the idea of like you're ashamed, the familial, you know, construct, you're shaming the your family, your mommy, this and that, based on exactly what you're doing, even if it simply exists in itself. So I think even with that call, you just said about being African, I think it's unfortunate. I think it's sad, but I also feel defeated in a weird way because I don't know, I don't know how this video is going to be received. If at all, it's received good or bad. But I think they need to be conversations happening about why we're so ruled by shame and how that impacts our success even as a country, as a nation around dictating what people can do, what people can do outside of even sexual orientation. Oh my god, this is so hard. You don't feel the fear of being rejected by the community, right? Because I think that's who the oddity is. Yes. Right. Period. What would you say to like someone, right? Like someone who, I think I feel the fear. Okay. I think I feel the fear of being rejected because honestly, I'm still going to answer the question. I won't answer the question yet. But I think based on everything you're listing, you're going to, you're going to come to a conclusion on your own. Ask yourself why I want you to ask yourself why it matters, right? You're probably wondering why I made this episode in the first place. That's the point. So I want you to understand how intrusive that is for you to be so curious about who I am, how intrusive it is for you to want to know the answers to that question and how it impacts how you view me, right? Because I could have lived my entire life without sharing this information. And I think that's what I really wanted this podcast to be is how loud can I be by sharing some opinions that some might see as too much. Like we don't need to know that now. I liked how before she said this. I liked how before I knew she was this, you liked me. You liked the person who, you know, you had a certain idea where they were before you learned something about them that I know I've gone, I might have gone along with what your idea of them was supposed to be. And then you find something that's slightly where I've said, that's wrong. And you're like, I don't like them anymore. So I'm going to answer the question because I'm not going to answer the question. I don't think it matters how we exist in the world, especially around, you know, sexual orientation, religion, about identity and any capacity. I really, really don't. And I think that's such a privileged way to live life. I think that's so, I think that's so selfish of me. I think it's frustrating. I think I can sit here in New York and be like, yeah, I don't care how I'm going to be received. I care, dip, dip, dip, dip down inside. I care. But I hope you, if you've ever followed me, you understand that you have so much strength. You have so much power in who you are in your thoughts and your identity and your feelings that that fight, that tussle is exactly what I hope you get out of this. I simply want to exist as myself on a shamelessly, like, unapologetically. The idea is to be unapologetically yourself in every aspect of it. And I feel like that is why this conversation is important to me for me to even just talk about. Let me draw your own conclusions of where we are in this particular conversation. But yeah, I feel like that's really honestly why I wanted to like have this conversation. But at the end of the day, the whole point of the oddity is to be unapologetically you. So for me to be unapologetically me, I want to come out and let you have your opinions on who I am in this particular space. I just feel about guilt. Do you feel guilty? Do I feel guilty? Yeah, like with your mom. Because your mom has all these expectations of you. And I pray that we're advocates here. Y'all look at me. I feel like family has a huge influence on me. I think my family's going to think my family's going to be confused. They're going to stop fast enough for you. You know, this is always there. I love like the episodes are always there for me. Because as we start talking about different things, I am a hybrid. And I've always also existed in like dichotomies, right? In dualities is so many ways like, you know, I'll tell you this story. So I wasn't high school. And typically in Nigeria, when you're in high school, you either take Islamic religious knowledge or Christian religious knowledge, right? And I say this a lot till I'm asking where I am the way I am. And I remember like I signed up for CRK. It's what we called it. And I remember my mom called me on the phone. I don't know how she found out that information. I think she started a report card. Either way she calls me on the phone and she's like, why are you doing Christian religious knowledge in Muslim? And I remember going, yeah, that's why I'm doing Christian religious knowledge. Why would I do Islamic religious knowledge and learn about Islam when I'm already learning about Islam at home, in schools, at the mosque, everything. Wouldn't be the whole point of being a well-rounded person, understand the other opposite. Like wouldn't that make me smarter? Because then I understand why I am choosing the other side. And she was like, damn, she gave us the first stop right kid. Because I think for me, that was always been my thought process. It's like, if you're telling me to do this, why? And if I'm asking you why, I want to answer that makes sense to me. And I studied CRK and she was not happy with it. And it was a huge fight. I was like, that's where I'm back to study. I always still like study the Bible and all that stuff. So like just sort of learn, right? And I think that has always been why I've sort of existed in the spaces I'm in today. It's like, I, I hope we start living in a world where people ask questions about the things, the things they fear the most. And if you're not, if you're listening to say you're going to watch in the video, I am using my air quotes for fear the most because the thing about human beings, especially, this is very broad, especially Africans, Nigerians, is that we get very scared of things we don't know. And that's where the shame factor comes into, right? But what does the world look like? Well, I allow yourself actually open up to understanding, because understanding is huge in any sample success story. I will not be here today if I wasn't understanding, if I wasn't respectful, if I didn't try my hardest to understand different types of people, because forgive me if I am wrong, I am usually never wrong. We all can't be the same. I don't think that's how human nature should ever expect. I don't think that's how it works. Like we all are individuals for a reason. And so being where I am today, it's helped me think and be more successful because I'm looking around, I'm going, there's no way this is exactly how it's supposed to be. There has to be a difference to it. And if one person is feeling this way, then I have to be valid because that's their reality. And so for you, if you're listening to this right now, I ask you to look at people around you. It doesn't even have to be around sexual orientation, but around different things without education, religion, all that stuff. And actually ask yourself, have you ever been open to learning? Have you ever been open or curious enough to respect the other person enough to ask questions that you were just told never to ask in the first place? Because I'm telling you, once you start asking those questions, your worldview changes. It has to. Because that's what understanding comes in. You cannot look someone in the eye and tell them they're wrong. Because based on belief, that's crazy, isn't it? You guys, I had a friend who was a morphobic. Who's this friend? No, because, okay, I went on all boys, secondary school, Niger. Yes, right? I want to hear this part. Yeah, giving your opinion. Going up in Nigeria and being in that school, the reaction, I mean, Catholic school, right? Yeah, yeah. The reaction that we get from, from when we get like a boy, you know, sleep in that boy, like 3 a.m. You go to the bathroom and you start hearing noises. Honestly, you know what's crazy? I'm just talking about, I don't mean to interrupt, but like, do you know the reception of like being gay as a guy versus girls is very different? Oh, yes, for sure. Even for guys, right? And that's the crazy thing, right? Because a lot of like, and I'll say this, like a lot of boys were getting beaten, right? We're getting beaten, we're getting expelled, shut off from school for because of their sexuality. Yeah. And I lived in that and I came all the way to America and I would see, you know, the two guys. And as a good Nigerian man who is like 18, I'm walking to New York, I'm like, what are you doing? Like, I want to, you know, that's my reaction. And then when I was in some school, I had a friend who was gay and we would talk and I was like, you know, I fuck with this guy. Just I'm like, I love that we're having this conversation in this way because I think, first of all, I hate that this conversation is a thing, but I want to throw my voices to the ring. And question the why, right? Like, when Donald just mentioned behind the scenes, that's so right. Like he once he finally knew who the person was, it was just like, okay, that's my guy. That's my person. Like, doesn't matter. But how many people allow themselves open their mind up to the idea? Like, that doesn't matter. Like, I can see here right now and go, I'm gay. Like, I want to get married to a girl. I want to spend a rough time my life with someone. I want to do all this stuff. I can immediately imagine my mom's heart breaking into it. I can imagine my uncle's going, I told you, that's the worst child you've ever had. You had this, you had that. Good fuck. I can hear it in my head. I know it's coming. The fact that I am dropping this episode right now, it goes to show you that, like, it's not like I don't have any folks to give because I do, but it's more so that I hope it can change the conversation. A friend just got arrested the other day in Ghana because they're gay, right? How? How? With all the issues that we have going on in the world, that's your priority. I think, to me, that's first of all, disgusting, but also frustrating. I don't have an answer. I don't want to understand why I wanted to make this video in the first was, honestly, if you're watching this, generally, I remember when me and Donald were brainstorming about this episode, and I'd go, I really want to make a comment. I want to do an episode about Amai again. He was like, hey, and I called my first face and I'm like, you guys, I think we should, I want to, my first episode for the podcast is going to be, I think I'm gay. They all thought I was crazy. Every single person, all thought I was crazy. And these are people who know me, know my lifestyle, know how I live, and they even felt, don't do that. I'll dare you do that. So for you, Matt, like, who do you think you are making that bold statement and making that stance? You're going to get in trouble. Well, your mom say, well, your family say, I think that's that's the world of about the power of media, right? Yeah. Because a lot of the things that what made America easy for me when I moved here was that I watched a lot of TV. Yeah. I watched a lot of like seeing women in power, you know, white people, black people on TV. We had seen those things. Those things are not foreign to us, right? But you don't see a lot of conversations like this happening online, like even the reactions from our community, right? Yeah. We're talking about it. No one wanted to make this episode. Like, what? This was supposed to be the first episode. Yeah. The fact that like we're having this conversation, I think it's powerful. I have adjusted on the seat 20 times. If you're watching this on the video, I'm sweating. I am sweating. Don't bad, bro. I am asking myself, am I a spokesperson? Am I going to start being tagged in this? It's that blog nine. Jack going to carry me as the shader. I'm going to do a video about me. If you do at me, link the podcast that people can listen to this shit too. Am I too loud the podcast? I am sweating because I was like, oh, maybe I didn't do enough research. I should have done a research on like the laws and the this and that. But also the fucking point of this podcast. That wasn't really the point. The point was for me to like hopefully start a conversation about the fact that it's none of your business. You're a fucking business. I want us to live in this really, really shiny world where people just generally respect themselves and understand each other. And I feel like Kumbaya. I'm like, if I was existing in a world, that's exactly what would happen. And I don't think that's the case. I studied peace and conflict in school, right? I studied wars and conflicts and now they impacted the society and all that stuff. And I remember every time I'll be in class and the professor would say something, I'll be like, well, what if they just did XYZ and we'll be like, that's not possible. Peace isn't a reality because they have to be conflict for peace. Peace cannot be a reality. People kind of just simply exist because there's always going to be conflict. And I look at that from even this perspective because as I sit here right now and I'm like, I want to share this story. I want to at least take away the fact that like they should really just mind their business and they should really be respectful and they really shouldn't be penalized. People shouldn't be going to jail for simply existing as themselves because nobody is gone. Nobody's a judge pressing here. Do you do your own thing? I think we're existing in the own way, respecting each other. And it feels like fluff. You know what I mean? It feels like I'm just talking to Yap because it doesn't feel like I can make a difference in saying this today. But my goal is if you are someone who lives in one of these countries, if you're a some guy who used to existing where they used to beat people up for being a certain orientation, if you're existing right now as someone who has been told you can be who you are and your parents have ostracized you and you're existing simply as yourself. But you know, you're people are unhappy, you're isolated. I am so sorry. I am so sorry that you're going through that. But I also hope you know that you are so strong. And I hate that you have to be strong for a society that's tried to deem you as anything else but who you are. But I want people to understand that people are humans in this entire conversation, especially my people who are of African descent. If you're a Nigerian, listen to this because I know my audience is also larger than a Nigerian. I hope we start understanding each other a lot more. So I think a lot of our issues, especially in that country stems from a lack of understanding. Place that I issues too. That's one of the biggest factors. And it's a fight. You know, it's a fight that we have to continue to fight every day. Because I, like, after my father under the bus, my dad told me he doesn't like Obama because Obama was the one that give people gay rights. Yeah, gay rights. You know, my father said, I'll say it. He said he likes Trump and Vladimir Putin. Listen to those words. My father is crazy. But that's my father that I also got right. So that's the word we live in. I wonder why. I wonder why we live in a world like this. You know what I mean? I wonder why it affects us. And I want the conversation in the comments. I'm going to be reading the comments on this video because it's going to be a lot of comments. I know it's going to, ah, you already got typing. I said, you're listening to me right now. Your fingers are going to, I can't tell. Okay. But I want you to tell me why it affects you. Because even when you talk about or you see how to a friend who I really, really thought was educated and it's not a, it's not a, this is not an insult. But I thought I'd say educated in terms of if you, if you are educated and if you've read or you've learned, you tend to be a lot more understanding of respectful of people's choices. To say as facts, if you are educated, well, how to friend who is pretty educated, who, um, said the kids, their kids are not going to watch, any of these cartoons or shows that have the depict certain things. And I remember being, my friends say, I'm always looking for trouble. Also, if you're always on this staring stuff. And I remember going, ah, all kids don't know what all this boy, young boys pushing girls down, saying, always because he likes you, that's why he's hitting you. Always because the boy likes you, the boy, that little kid, you know, oh my god, the fitness and fur of the sister having the biggest crush in that guy. Like I don't want my kids to see crushes on boys and girls. They're like, no, shut up. That's not, why is it like a number? I need to know. I want me, I want to stand here and say, that's not normal for me to, I want the opposite. If you can't exist in that somewhat actual reality, and you feel so passionate about it, I want you to ask yourself, why, why is that the norm for you in different places? And again, a lot of folks can bring up, you know, religion, you can bring up. That's pretty much it. What else can they bring up, besides religion? I'm curious to see in the comments what else it can bring up, besides religion, on this particular conversation. I feel like because we're black, right? It's just religion. I think it's more than that, because I know people who are also not religious, who also still feel very strongly about that. A lot of, that's it. I don't think so, though. I really do. Really? Yeah. Who's not religious? Because I didn't think they might not be religious. They might not be fully into it, but that's where they draw a lot of their morals. Their moral compass is due to off of reggae. The moral compass, the idea of what is right or wrong with humanity. The guiding principle that allows us to exist is the way we exist, even though that was also made by other humans to detect how other humans would live. And living, what you just said, too, right? It's like, do you want to live? Or do you want to be miserable? I think I call the people. Yeah. It's so different to how to love it. That's so interesting. This is like, this is the kind of thing that you have, like with your friends, no cameras, no audio, no thing. I hear it. So if you go sitting there on YouTube and Spotify everywhere, stream all my podcast episodes. Yeah. And that's the fight, right? It's the fight. We talk about the people in Nigeria and Africa. Some of them, they're not able to live today for this extent. And the ones who we see, who we can like, oh, like, I see is because they've chosen to live regardless of the consequence. Because at the end of the day, you also have friends who are dying. Honestly, but what a call out Africans and how hypocritical they are, too. It's so interesting to me. Honestly, our people, because when I see, and this is like a whole different podcast episode as well, oh, so many coming it on the pipe. Well, you guys, when I see black men dress up as women a lot for skits and comedy, the drag, I like that drag queen idea. That is huge content within our population, huge, and it's entertainment, right? I use it. I'm calling people out. It's a throwy shots. Okay. When they do that, I always curse. And then they're also the ones who are so vehemently homophobic, vehemently like, that's wrong, but they're all constantly in drag. They constantly been making this feminine idea, right? Oh, I see, like, a lot of what we think about like the barbarous skis in Nigeria, the James Charles, if you're not Nigerian, then like Google these people. And now they have so many huge supporters who just choose to not be homophobic when it comes to them in a way, right? Like they just, I'm not saying these people identify as anything other than themselves, right? So I don't want to like, throw more eyes into them, but they just kind of choose to just let them exist and they find them as entertainment. Well, how much of our entertainment and comedy is our reality of the cover? Like I'm going to say we're actually like saying it's actually supposed to be like, we really just want to be okay with it. Well, we're not going to, we're going to, cause of shame, we're going to say we're not okay with it, but we're going to laugh. And I'm not saying that for you to not be like, oh yeah, no, never mind. I'm not going to enjoy this kind of content because that's bull. Okay, that's bull, you know, and numbers don't lie. Numbers don't lie. So I, it's so hypocritical about community to constantly, constantly be so hypocritical about people who are doing amazing things because of the sexual orientation. For what reason? I don't know, y'all. The conversation always frustrates me and I've always went to make a podcast topic about it, but I always also didn't know what angle to come at it with, but also the idea, and again, I'll say this of a mind too loud is to have these tough uncomfortable conversations with humor, with understanding, with respect, because there are people's lives of risk, and I cannot fathom a world where I think I just need to have someone else's life in my hands, because it shouldn't be my business. And I hope we get to appoints game human nature. And I think we are, right? Like the new generation coming up, I think we are with regards to how we show up as, you know, as people, for other people, how we enjoy humanity and so on. So you're probably wondering, Sophie, why this episode, why this conversation, why this topic, especially because I bounced it back to my producers, I bounced it back to me, because I really wanted you guys to feel like you were part of this conversation. And especially when we talk about being on a politically and authentically yourself, these conversations have to happen. And I'm not shading anyone for choosing a certain route or feeling a certain way or being anything other than themselves. What I'm saying is I hope you take one thing from this podcast, and that is to generally respect and understand other people, respect other people for what they want, who they love, right? And again, whenever I say that, I feel so mushy, feel so weird to say that like, oh, I don't want to say love other people and love yourself, because that should be common sense. But I don't think it is for a lot of people. I don't think it is for a lot of people in a nation. I think it should be. I think the entire idea of sexual orientation, of discriminatory things, of homophobia stems from a lot of fear, and I say that with my chest, I think it stems from a place of a lack of understanding. And I think on us is also selfishness, because at the end of the day, it really shouldn't matter who someone else likes or loves. The idea of like, oh, don't bring that to my side, oh, don't talk about this this way, don't do this way. It always stems from those places. So I want you to ask yourself, if you've ever been someone who was curious about this conversation, before I did this episode, did you like me for me? Did you know me? Were you a huge fan? If I told you I am gay, would you think of me differently? Why? If I told you I wasn't, would you breathe easy? Would you not? Because I think your response to all those questions should say a lot about your character, not mine. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Am I too loud with Sophie? AKA the Audity. Those are a hell of a loud episode, but we're never too loud in this conversation. I think there's so much more questions to me had. I love you so, so much. Don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe to my YouTube channel. And I will see you in my next episode. Bye, guys. I'm not going to get canceled.