Surviving 2025, and Am I My Mother’s Worst Nightmare? | Ep. 15

Welcome to Am I Too Loud The Podcast. Hey guys, welcome back to Am I Too Loud The Podcast with Sophie aka the Audity. That was such a stiff intro. Oh my goodness. You guys are having a visitor here. If you're watching a video, then you see this decopoo. This decopoo has been with my ex for like three, four months now and we finally like, he finally sent him back to me. So my baby is back home. I was traveling a lot at the later end of last year. So finally I'm like, okay, I could be a dog mom again. Bring my baby here with me. I'm going to train him and I don't have to fly. But he's like so, just a grumpy boy. Like he doesn't like flying. If you're wondering who Mr. Cobu is on audio, that is my dog. I have the Havanie's poodle. He looks a mess right now because he needs a room. He needs to be deep. Did you just park down the room? You like, I'm telling you all. Don't love the tension. Like you just want me to, you want me to intro you the first 10 seconds of the video. That's your problem. It's been 60 seconds. It's been 60 seconds. Hi Mr. Donald. What did you say he was? How apprenious? How apprenious. He's very busy. He's a Havanie's poodle. Anyways, guys, Mr. Cobu is here. He might get bored after a while and then run off. But for the most part, he might just lay on me. I miss my baby. I forgot how nice it was to have someone else in the house with me. That wasn't just me. So anyways, hi guys. Welcome to, I think this is officially the first podcast of the year. I feel like that's the vibe I'm giving. Because the first podcast we actually posted was, my gonad at the December recapitum, vlog, video, thinking part episode. And today, and then the last, okay, English is so hard right now. And then the second, Donald is attempting to chew. No, I'm loud. And it's something to chew. Am I true Donald? No, I'm telling you I'm not true Donald. Do you really? Okay, Donald. Chew the damn thing. I'm not sure. Chew the damn thing. I can't hear you. I can't hear you. I just see you in the bathroom. You don't see me that chew like silently? Yeah. On the easy food. I hear you gulp. I can't hear you chew. Because I had a mic right now. No, you don't hear me. But I did not hear the chew. Okay. I feel like technically after the part episode, which I just did, if you don't know, if you've not caught up on the podcast yet, my last episode was my tripping with tart episode, where I talk all things like tart cosmetics, brand chips, and influencer exposing all the tea. That was a fun episode to recap and talk about. And so I feel like this is officially like, oh, 2025 is in. We're fully in the year now. January is still not fing over, babe. Like, I feel like every year, January is always the longest year. Yeah. Like, the longest... Did I always feel like the longest month I'm tired of it? Because it's still January right now. Like, I recorded three episodes and it's still January. Yeah. Which makes sense, because it is three years. I go meet Smell. So good, right? So many distractions, bro. For comment things, we record my podcast on my couch in my room. And my apartment, sorry. And like, I'm currently cooking some goat meat. And I got my goat meat from Costco. So random. So I'm gonna let you all know that. And I'm gonna tell you right now, it smells delicious. Like, I'm about to eat this goat down. I'm gonna eat this goat ass. Like, cheese. I'm gonna suck on the goat. Like, that... I just know the board is gonna be sucking it. The way it is smelling right now, it tastes so good I can tell. The point is, there's a lot of distractions right now. What I'm trying to say with this intro is, this is our first, like, Sophie 101 with a pod fam, like, talk. Like, debrief about, like, my year, my year goals, what I wanna do with my life. Don't know this is not so here. Just because I don't know why. Don't know this here, but it's here. It was gonna talk a little bit about his life. Like, I'm just, like, excited to chat with you guys. There's nothing, like, crazy gonna be happening in this video that I know of. We're just gonna, like, chat. Like, if you're open to chatting and talking with me, then, hi. Hey guys. I'm just hot. It's still fit. He's with me. I miss you, too. I'm like, you've not, like, seen anything. It was just, like, you know, we have a connection. We're bond. We love each other. We, like, vibe, right? We wanna fuck each other. It's wrong with me. I think I'm horny. Hey. That's really what it is. I've not had sex in a long time, guys. I feel like I've noticed that a little bit of it definitely has been just very sexual. What's your problem? You just brought it up. No. And I'm curious. You guys have a curious. It's been, like, two weeks. Happy New Year to you, too. No, three weeks. To technically, you've not done it in 2025. I have. I guess it's two weeks. Yeah, two weeks. Yeah, it's been two weeks. Okay. That's a long time. And I'm ovulating right now, too. So I feel very, like, wired up. And y'all, for context, like, I never used to talk about sex in relationships online. And I feel like the floodgates are open now. And I just want to jab. So you're going to hear a lot of that. I feel like sex is like an important part of the human body and, like, anatomy and soul information. I also love to make Donald uncomfortable. And every time I bring up sex, he feels like he wasn't shit and shit. He was retesting the mic earlier before the episode started. And I went into the body. And I was like, huh? And Donald was. Donald. I think he almost puked his mouth. Anyways, the point is, I'm horny. It's a new year. New episode. The world is going to sh*. Happy New Year, Donald. How are you? Good. Yeah, how have you been? What's going on? What's new? Not horny. When I said, you have sex, Donald. Hmm. When I said, you have sex, Donald. Very active. You're going to ask a lot of questions, because you're my mother. You are sick in that. Yesterday? Two days ago? Hmm. Three days ago? Four days ago? I put you to fifth. Donald, that's a boy. I have to put you to fifth. If you don't answer the question right now, I'm sure you're not going to talk at the entire podcast. Hold on. Sidebar. Right? Do people in relationships talk about when they have sex? When the other person is not dead? Yeah. I was like, that's open. Is that like, do you think, okay, you know what? Answer. And then we could cut it out. If she says no. Oh. Yeah. Because we have the power to cut it out. That's normal. Yeah. What would you say? I don't want to picture that. Yeah. Take it out. Hey. Okay. You wanted it. Did I regret it now instantly? Well, you guys don't want this active of not. Oh, man. I'm active. Oh, but you're also active. Two weeks ago. Two weeks is a long time. I don't think I'm. I don't know. Shut up. Okay. Okay. Sorry. I still have a cold. I feel like I'm tired. I don't know what this is. You're sick. I am sick. You've been sick. I feel like my friend Sonia got me sick. F-U-C-K-V. I love her so much. Love her down. But F-U-C-K is a Sonia. Because why am I this sick? I don't know why. I'm just so sick. Because now she's got a band thing across New York. And like, I'm over here struggling. I'm very sad about it. Oh, she's better now. She's better now. How you sure she's on it, like she's sick? Because we were making out during the time trip. And she was coughing before that. Is this true or not? Yeah, it was. Why? I'm just asking. Yeah. Interesting. You've got all your friends. Sometimes. I feel like Lipson is not crazy. That's true. Yeah. I feel like it's okay to Lips. Sonia is going to kill me. Like, I just get... I can imagine the FaceTime culture and also be one of the fudge. All right, y'all. Anyways, I'm trying my best to feel better. I feel like starting off since I'm 25 with a higher, the way I did. Like going to Ghana, having the best time of my life. And then coming back and going into the tar trip. And then just like doing a bunch of brand deals. And like, it started off like a really high high. And usually I realize like my years start off like really high. And then I just... I tend to start slowing down in the middle of it. And my goal for this year is not to do that. Right? Because I feel like I did have the day. I want to maintain that momentum. And we tend to sometimes like forget to revisit our goals and our resolutions for the year. And I really want to stay on top of it. So me and Don't Have Like Plans. Also, I feel like we've never actually talked about what me and Donnell's relationship is on the podcast. I think this is a good time. Like episode 15 is a good time to actually talk about... That's true. I don't think we've ever talked about that. Oh my God, that's true. We never talked about that. Let me tell you the story of how me and Donnell met. So I'm like a New York Bay finest f dancing on the dance floor living my best life. And this man like comes up to me at the club. I'm partying, dancing, taking shots. And he looks at me. He's like, hey sexy. And I was like, who the f are you? He's like, oh, hey called stuff. Can I get a number? And I'm like, no. He's like, well, I used to f** your friend. I want to f you too. Okay, we connect and talk. And I'm like, who is friend? And then he tells me like, he used to f one of my other friends. Okay. And I was like, really? And he's like, yeah, he tells me the friend's name. And I'm like, oh! Me and the friend are friends anymore. But since you used to effort, I want to mess with her. You need to get my number and let's be friends. And we've been besties ever since. It's my go overflowing. Turn the fire down. This is such an African podcast. It's crazy. My go at me is overflowing with the pot. Just like turn the fire just down a little bit. That story is not true. Okay, tell us your version of this story. I'll tell you my version. I'm a creative director at UNIT agency. So I'm always out here trying to network. Right? So on a sunny night. It was one of those nights where you have the red... The red moon. The red moon is crazy. Yeah, so it was really bright. So I already knew it was going to be an odd day. I go to Newcastle and I'm chilling with... Because I had some friends... Newcastle is a restaurant in New York City in Manhattan. Times Square. Yeah. And I had some friends coming from Canada. Honestly, since that day, I've never seen you around any friends at all. So we need to talk about those friends. Are you still friends with them? Like I said, they came from Canada. So they're not here. They don't leave here. So I had friends in town. Okay. So I'm in Lagos. You know, ordered some bottles. I'm turning up. I've never seen any other bottles before. Again, since that day. Let me let you see you, sir. Go ahead, go ahead. Again, those friends were from Canada. I don't have a lot of friends in the area. Hence why you were seeing me with Syri. Syri is crazy. Syri is crazy. Syri is crazy. Syri is crazy. Syri is crazy. Popping bottles. Okay. I look and I see my friend in Australia. And I'm like, oh! I'm going to go see Height in Australia. And I go up. I was there too. Yes. I'm such a terrible listener. So that's the problem of going to Newcastle, right? And that's why I don't like going there. You see me put it, you know. Especially if you're not in the street. Why are you running away from people? Why don't you want to see me? You know. Anyway, I go and I see Sophie and I'm like, wait. I know this girl from somewhere. But I'm not sure. I'm a famous bitch. But then I remember it. I was like, oh, this is the girl. That this other girl, not the girl that I used to. That girl I used to talk to. Right? Very casual. Very casual. And I was like, oh! This is her expert that she didn't like. And she always used to say bad things about. That B-I-T-C-A. So what I did is I went to Sophie and I was like, hey. We have a mutual enemy. That's what I said. That's what I remember. And she was like, who is that? First of all, I have the best like lines. Like when I come up to someone, I don't do it often. But I'm good. I like the mutual enemy. Yeah. That is true. Because usually when I'm out, I don't entertain anyone talking to me. Also, apparently, I have like RBF. And I'm like, are you pumping your pecs? No. Oh my god. Someone told me that that thing happens. What's going on? I don't know. No, no. I saw you probably. You know, yesterday, that tick-tock that I posted. Yeah. Like, people were like, oh, why am I doing that? I'm like, no, I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. Yeah. I just... No, that she spoke for you. I don't like it. No, no, no, no. I was hilarious. But... That all cities came for me. I'm not sure what I'm doing. Oh my god. I have a condition. I'm not sure what I'm doing. Anyways, guys. He says we have a mutual enemy. I say who is this BITC? He says that we connect the dots. And so we start talking. And I find out he has an agency. At that point, I'm looking to like, get help with my content. Like I've been doing the content, editing, creating, posting everything all by myself until that point. And then he was like, I run an agency. I can get you editors. Some know people I can eat all these things like come work with me. And I was like, you know what that and we just started working together And we you know what I like to say like me and don't are like creative soulmates You know what I mean? Like someone who like just gels really well with the other person when I was running my marathon My aunt came to visit from Texas and she like loved it She was like I'm so glad you have a Donald in your life because she saw how like we're just so insane creatively like I didn't have to know like I didn't have to talk to Donald to know exactly what kind of a content He needed what kind of face he wouldn't for me like if you see us like working and brainstorming like we're so insane That's why we're like we stuck together, man Like he's my G I'm his G. We go to get a real bad all that stuff But yeah, so that's how me and Donald sort of met and we've been friends after like what two years Two plus two plus is crazy. Yeah, we've had our ups and downs I was one adult and nothing my mom won't from the airport so we didn't talk for six months And I certainly don't probably thought I was the craziest day. I was so bad. I get it though. I was living But we you come together against our differences We're closer than ever basically. So yeah, that's just random about how me a little bit so guys It is 20 25 and I feel like this is our first technical episode of us chatting I want to reflect on the past 15 episodes of the podcast and see how far we've come I feel like I started the podcast on a high with like breaking my silence and sharing what I went through in Nigeria And that was such a special episode to front kind of film and take my power and then secondly doing like my My gay what if I'm gay podcast episode as well. So like sort of like start just on a politically be myself I think following those episodes have just been me sort of like sharing my life in little bits and pieces But I'm just I feel like the goal for this podcast is always I also have that space for myself to just share and vent and you know just Inspire inspire to have a space where you can see more and the things that You might not want to share it everywhere. Yeah, I feel like that's really the case here. Thank you Donald That's why we're insane. I think like just remember the whole point initially in focus because we have so many conversations We have so many conversations, right and scary because I feel like there's certain things that we I'm a terrible Is there go ahead? Okay, so we have so many conversations and I think one big thing about us is like we've always wanted Like capture those moments and I think like even now like learning like what episode should we make on the podcast like what Should we discuss like we're still trying to find that's like for teams because like what are the things that you really want to share? I think like it's easy when you're talking sidebar once you turn on all this camera is like I'm lying everything then there's like so much pressure, right? I feel like we're getting a balance deal with it And I know there's no other comments wherever you're listening Spotify YouTube Apple music all that stuff because right now Am I too loud is Sophie and Donald sitting down with our editing team and just like brainstorming ideas of what to talk about like this episode It was like okay like I I usually start my new year in February first like for me Generates like my gay life together geesh together kind of vibe and then we just go crazy from February and As we're talking now, we're like oh we're brushing up because I want to talk to you about Donald And I want to talk about different things and it was not gonna be a pop culture podcast not gonna be a commentary podcast It's not gonna be very Specific but I feel like the other team has never been sort of like a specific thing or niche It's just me and how many chaotic things happen in my head, and I hope you guys enjoy that and also the goal for this year for me For my biggest goal is for me to sell the podcast because this is all like the lights the camera everything is all me and Donald Like where the ones posting everything online trying to figure it out And I am pouring on love money into this podcast because I really think there is a space for Both our voices, right like I identify as a by Nigerian african Yoruba Muslim woman living in New York City who's a content creator who you know aspires to be so many different things with ADHD and anxiety like I in my head want to be the next I keep trying to tell myself where my goals are like I want to be the next me or Kevin Heart, I want to act I want to sing I want to be on TV. I want to be in movies. I want to buy a house for my mom I Want to do so many things I have these big dreams for what the audience also like I think the biggest is for me to like Get to a point where little Sophie who couldn't even dream of what she is now would be like only shoot We built this incredible life ourselves by just share passion and grit Right, I think I don't know this the same thing for you, right? Yeah, I think like one trying to be one of the biggest creators mill creators in New York, right? And I think being a voice For the generation of people who are in Africa, right? Like there are a lot of young creators like myself It's just in the filmmaking industry. I was on I had a really good conversation with a friend Because I have a production company back in Nigeria and he's making his first film in December with a million dollar budget I heard that and I was like oh my god like being able to like inspire. I just like chase your dreams I think for me is like I've always been behind the scenes I think like this also is an opportunity for me to just like you know what's funny since I started doing the podcast I have this like I don't know what was worth to use like just just to show up right? It's like document like I asked myself last week, and I came up with a word and the word was blogger And I was like I feel like I want to be a blogger. Yeah, just document Document a lot of stuff. I think you I think you've been wanting and I'll tell you all this from like my When we're talking about the podcast I always had it and it's like I don't know if it's the way that I'll do to use Well like every time I thought about my podcast I always said like I wanted to be like a Jimmy Kimmel with Guillermo, right? I wanted someone who like you can banter off of who you knew was ridiculously funny And like Joe really won't you right and honestly we don't hold I'm not gonna call you out here I didn't want to know that's a co-host because I felt like it will put too much pressure on you to show up Yeah, and I knew that Tricking Donald technically is he just being like you know, you're not really on camera But like you kind of are yeah, like add a little bit But you're also in control with the production I knew that if I did that he wouldn't take it too seriously Right and he was still just a half fun with it And I feel like we're going into where like people want to hear both of us banter together now People want to like hear both sides of the story people like you're your videos are biggest videos so far on Reels and TikTok when you're talking about you love like that's I'm like I when you all see the Donald I get to see without the camera is like he's hilarious, and I'm never gonna say this a good I'm like I'm taking it card that clip right now Um, he's hilarious so funny so driven so passionate. He's a he's a little artist and creative at heart And like I see how big he dreams and I'm like my biggest thing with you And this is like I don't want to say feedback but like one thing I know is like because you dream so big You tend to not execute because you're constantly dreaming and I think Our goal for the year for the both of us is like to dream still but execute more so like if we have an idea Instead of thinking and having in our heads and like creating the idea over and over and over again Do it once and it doesn't work out do it again until we find you know what the idea could look like Because if no, you never actually like try and then they're always in the same spot over and over again I mean, I think this is like a Representation of what our relationship is we're constantly trying to know better people in the videos I think it works out. I'm really excited about it. I had a thought but I forgot about it now Are you being emotional? You're so dramatic. I'm so glad I'm waiting to shit No, for real because like I texted you this morning. I was like yeah, he did yeah As soon as so anxious this morning for no reason. Yeah, you know, that's what random you lip quiver Quiver No, but we were just like I was so anxious this morning and I think no why you know I had to like meditate and stuff I remember driving. I was like, oh my god I hope I don't have like a anxiety attack as I'm driving. I was just like missing to Hamilton like chillin Well, you just said like that really like helped me and So thank you. Thank you for sure. I say thank you And You know moving forward. Yeah, what were you talking about? Yeah, I think that's the whole point of like the year of doing I think it is I feel like y'all for context me and don't have we terms do this thing What we have like phrases in our heads to guide us through like what our goals are for the year So last year was like do it afraid so everything we're scared of we tend to just want to do and this year It's kind of like the year of doing which is like you might think we put out a lot of videos Which we do what I'm telling you the videos we put out the videos that we thought about eight months ago that we're finally putting up Yeah, we're like we gotta not over think this anymore. Just do it So I like to say we never actually think them through enough Because we like are so rushed by them and this year It's like we're taking it one step at a time. I'm just doing as it comes. Yeah, for example This episode I was like I don't know everything this is gonna sit on the camera and talk and let's just see where we go And I'm like I love this conversation. It feels like feels like me and don't know like just yeah And this is kind of what I wanted for our first episode So like chat with you guys and see what our heads are all at as we continue this podcast But yeah, we're into the year of doing which is basically us doing everything we put our mind to like my biggest goal this year Is to again, I can say like sell the podcast the production company not because I want to sell the right So because like financially I want this to like be on a bigger scale and again Like don't almost run his first marathon which we're doing We're excited about that. I'm happy to support. I'll be doing a half and you finish the rest That's the that's the deal. Yeah, unless I end up just signing for the full thing We'll see I also want to like be my first show in some capacity or like Act in some way so like the little things like that I would like you know We've been say want to do this thing so actually put our money where I'm off is and our talents and passion where I'm out So then just do it because I was talking to about this earlier People just like do things you guys like this male robbing is a podcast because I wanted the biggest people for a Cost is right now and everything she says is just like It's everything we know We all just like over think ourselves into not doing it Like if I say I want to work out I can't just work out like I can just do it I can start if I say I want to write a book I can do it I can start It's executing and getting to the point where you actually put pen to paper To go to the gym to put on the clothes those processes and things that like always have us struggling right because you always tend to like Not end up doing it. So if my goal for the year is to actually take things for the time But also every time I think of something I would choose to do it. Yeah, so like right now today I woke up and I was like I need to go grocery shopping. I was like maybe I should go tomorrow with maybe a better That's a cold rain snow fell yesterday. I said no. This is all excuses because tomorrow I can do other things tomorrow And I got up and I swear I went to four grocery stores this morning I told them I was like I've got a productive morning and I feel a lot better that I actually I did that and executed it properly And I'm like oh tomorrow I can read a book. I can do this. I can do that. So you're doing I'm really excited about it I feel like it's I feel like 25 is my year to Just try everything that I wanted to try and see how they go and I feel like not also be ruled by shame Because I think with me the difference right now y'all with like who we are and I'll force in the podcast spaces We're both immigrants who came from Nigeria and we both live in New York City Who are both chasing our dreams as creators and why I think that's different is because we're both like we're not Ninjas who live in Nigeria or I freaking who are born in America who currently live here are a lot of our sort of like Lives before 17 18. I think for me and while you was 20 something, right? I was 19 19. Oh, yeah, I was 17. Donal was 19. Yeah, was all back home in Nigeria And then we came here and we have to start like all new lives Different sort of like identities to make ourselves like survive in America in different ways like if you're ever End up hearing Donald's story of how he survives to live here and like my so you already kind of know my story Like you see how like important is to have our voices in this space because our group is so different and so she because From my perspective, like I have a single mom right and like don't know parents are like don't have so how many siblings for three siblings for four siblings And they're all sort of fending for themselves and fending together and it's just so interesting and everywhere the podcasts out there Not that I'm knocking everyone is like, you know, it's as fun as pop culture is relationships all the stuff But the niggity weird stuff is an often times said and something like we all just like brush over and I want this space to be that for that weird immigrant kid that weird Nigeria who was born in America the Nigerian who lives in Nigeria the African who lives in the continent the African who lives outside of the continent I hope you can find something from the both of us from our podcast that you can either relate to you can enjoy you can Escape into you know what I mean like that's the goal for the podcast. Yeah, I think for this year Every episode we put out I hope there is someone other who could relate to some part of the episode and not just women I think that's what I want to download here to like let us remember men to like this is fun We want to talk about everything because I think we bring such a unique perspective Around like our lives right like because we also both really assimilated into America versus so like other We know like we're both very much in tune with the American creative space as well as the like African creative space So it's interesting how we're trying to breathe like app here like this shit We talk about with like other creators, and then now it's just cool And it makes it makes it hard to because it's like It makes it hard to figure out where to fit like I was at a shoot other shoot last week and so I was like oh like You just moved to America 2016 outside. Yeah, they're like oh, they had no idea. They thought I was born here. Yeah, I was like no, I wasn't Because they're making a lot of references, and I'm like I have no idea But even picking back for what you said like with like the entirety that had today I think came off of a conversation that had with my other sister just surrounding like Like my parents. Yeah, like my dad for example hasn't I haven't spoken to my dad since his birthday under 24's Oh December yeah, and like he didn't call to like wish happy new year And this is normal, right? It's like this is not something that's like they don't reach out as much And I've never understood it But I was looking at my younger sister and I was telling you because when he says 22 And I was like they really just like shipped her here at 17 You know and for me like the feeling I felt was disappointment. Yeah I felt disappointed because like It's like the parents that I knew They disappointed me like how do you like have children? And just like to me you should be obsessed if you're like an African parent Like you should be obsessed and it made me start to think about like like a film that I made right And I have a short film called Daryjimi which is a big part of how I'm able to be in America And it's a film about a girl who loses her boyfriend due to a curse placed on her by her dad right And when I made that film in 2017 the entire thing I was thinking about was How a lot of parents actually African parents make a lot of decisions for their kids I was going to make a tick talk about this and I was going to talk about Is I been thinking about making the future and the approach because when you watch that short film It starts at a campsite where the girl is with her boyfriend who is white and she has sex with a guy and the guy dies Right which is But and the reason why she didn't know that because she had had a conversation with her dad and her dad It made her promise that she'd keep herself to a marriage Right, so this is this African man and you know this girl who was born in the US And I wanted to expand shades on the relationship of why he was super protective Right talking about how like her mom died of cancer We're even like trying to understand why African parents even like like parents in general, right? Like in the next like six years I would probably have a son or daughter and I want to have a daughter right Yeah, you know, it's like so like we probably be like parents And I'm like how do you not go wrong? How do you not disappoint your children, right? And I think it just sucks because like to me and that's what's a big part of anxiety Because I also saw a video on tick talk yesterday of some lady who was like your parents are not going to change I saw that same content And like I think that sent me on a whole spiral And I was just like wow, okay, so they're not gonna change and I also have this attitude of I think that's what the America has done is like I have this thing where like once I don't care I don't care And the fact that like I can assign that part of my brain to my parents and not care scares me yeah, I want to bring out what you said about like our phrase not change because like I when I saw that It just made me think what crochet I've been having a lot with like my friends to Of like me and my identities because I think that even in the conversation where having now We're also sort of like following That same path like I have friends right now who aren't far off from our parents, right? Who aren't far off from like the behaviors our parents did that we all complain about And when we do complain about it, it tends to be like oh your American now or your change or you You're like you don't understand. Do you come in from a culture? And I'm like honestly, there's certain cultural practices that shouldn't be they're not part of culture They're part of society and the mix of what that culture and whatever else you're trying to put into it is And that was a big part of it because I feel like I'm so disappointed in a way still with our generation and how we're Moving towards still those same behaviors. Yeah, so when we identify the thing amongst ourselves because When you were talking about how like you're so similar because you're thinking about your sister. I was like oh my god In my head, I thought that's so nice that you're thinking like that. How many men Right think about like oh my dad I'm never vocal enough to say I wish my dad spoke to me more right I wish he had that connection with me and I think there's little things like that that I hope to change I know like when you have a kid like you want to communicate with your child You don't want to give that like off-hand approach as I from me African dads when I was growing up always the same thing but I don't have a dad Right that's just so mean like you never would actually like care about you I never saw like a solid mill figure in my life. It's just so interesting I say that you don't so much to like unpack there, but not this episode Yeah, cuz you started talking. I know I just started thinking about it. I'm so glad. I'm wearing this glasses You're feeling emotional. You're my eyes are tearing up. Yeah, but it's like because it's so frustrating, right? I think you reminded me of the thing that you said when you remember what you said you told your friend I was gay. Yes, okay, right? Okay, I remember the story. Those are those are oh okay So here's the thing I remember I posted the episode episode on this channel was what if I was gay And I posted it and I think I spoke with a friend and I kind of know what the conversation was What's something about marriage? No, I don't remember I was getting my nails done as all I remember and I remember like It came up and this is my friend is like older than me and like I this is like a sister and I've been a friend And I remember that came up and I was like what if I was and they were just like you're off the devil and I was like What they're like oh, yeah, y'all that's very evil y'all the devil and I remember like Thinking what you know me like you know like you know like you know me like you know my character You know who I am I really think like the first thing you thought of when I told you something that might have been For you like jarring to understand which is crazy for me because why you like why would you even think that? Anyway, it was crazy man. I remember thinking oh shoot like there's a lot to still unpack there right about people's identities and what's crazy enough is Even with that episode there's so many of my friends who I thought we're gonna be okay with that episode coming out And the ones who I thought were gonna be okay with it were not like the ones who I thought were like oh They're the cool ones who like wouldn't be upset about it at all Where the ones who actually were like I don't want to speak about that. No, like don't do and the friends who I thought were very like strict and stiff and we're like gonna be so upset with me We're gonna be like something like homophobic or anything. They were all very cool about it They're like oh like it's not our business like I'm one of my friends shout out to her She's actually pregnant right now. I love her to death. She was like if you weren't as fine like I'm not doing sleeping with you And I was like yeah, like yeah, I appreciate that and I feel like it was so interesting to see like that happened to me because I think My heart is being so fast. I think what I'm learning With me and me vocal online is I have no had a lot of Persecutions about my identity Mm-hmm like or I have not cared enough before like people talk about like oh, I'm bald and so like I's like a eff you to like They're established me. They're like I'm so powerful But like my physical character is sick. It's always something that And no one could come comment on like I never cared or when I did like it was an insecurity as a child And like I just I made sure I worked through because my understanding of my body is it's my body my choice And also my body is only like I only have this body. Like I was born this way. That's it Nothing I can do about it. Yeah, like if I was if I looked any other way my goal would always be I may be this a privilege in saying this my goal will always be to be the healthiest I can be So like even right now when I talk about like working out or like doing the best things about myself It's usually always I want to be healthy And if I don't feel healthy, I don't feel good. Then I'm gonna adjust it like my hair My appearance is all that's always just been for me to be healthy and the best version of myself I possibly be With my identities or that's been different because I think the only thing was ever like being more slimmer in the hijab And that was like people would attack me for it when I used to wear the hijab Well, I've never had Sort of an identity that was very like all seen as like the direct opposite was society accepted And so when I posted that episode and I was like what if I was gay like What would the African community say? Well, like my family say what my friends say all that stuff I started realizing oh people tend to actually hate you for something that It goes directly against what they believe and I know you have heard that I've seen that was other people But I've always just thought oh, I'm too like it's me Yeah, like you can't hate me like what are you talking about? It's me But no, they can't like even your friends can't do like it's heartbreaking like it happens But also like to live in this world the only life you ever get to this one Like I would always want to live out lot only when I'm apologetically and that's one thing I'm always gonna stay like true soon. It makes you realize how strong people's beliefs are too. Yeah Like and the thing is the belief people's beliefs are They take them more than themselves. I love having this conversation with Christians I'm especially Christians who like Believed that it doesn't matter if you're a good person because my argument to Christians is if you're a good person And you die in there is a heaven you make heaven and they're like no, it's not enough You have to believe in Jesus Christ and I'm like that's exhausting Right, but and like people who stop talking to you lose friends because of these beliefs like Generally like if someone believes that being gay is of the devil You've gone against gay religion. Yeah, and gay religion is like it's bigger than them. Yeah, so like it's not It's not like nothing you can do. I think I grew up And maybe I don't know Why it wasn't this way So I grew up very Muslim like my family is like I want to be like here where I said how Muslim like I want to be like I finished the Quran back in front. Okay. I was very like that's like the classes, right? Yes, the classes So then the Quran like here was like mostly classes and they like family all of that like my family is very Aslamic very Muslim and my mom's in a larger like that's very very me. Now here's a thing My belief when I studied and I also like studied the Bible the Torah in the Quran when I was like 14 to like 17 Because I just was no see and I remember thinking religion just teaches you To believe in something other than yourself, right? But humans I feel like I don't I'm not a preacher here humans. I feel like weaponize that belief To put down other humans because it's not in a desire to one of each other Right, and I think that is of the devil because my issue with a lot of identity politics Even like thinking about the Trump presidency we'll talk about that in a second. It's like you can believe something But your need to put down other people is where I can never get behind right or your need to make other people Hate other people or have that negative emotions other people. It's something I can never understand like negative comments negative opinions hatred is never a good thing in any aspect like I don't even think Whatever God you serve would ever tell you to do that and who are you to be the judge and the executioner? Right for someone who is bigger than you. It's so many ways. You know what I mean So like I for me it's always been no matter what if someone tells me they are X Y Z they're this is that Acceptance because that has nothing to do with me And then I think people's arguments is always like oh, what about laws that are changing societies are kids and stuff And I'm always like feel like any of these things matter directly to you that you vote for that law This and what you think and let everything else happen Like you've been an advocate you just spreading hate you spreading all these things It just feels very like exhausting and doesn't feel very like religious or very like christianic or is thamic or you know Anything just like negative anyways just random thought I don't have we go here, but I'm glad we ended up here I think it's always always come down to religion for me for me is like because it was funny I believe in religion. I've ever told you the story about it. I feel like I want to save that for a never-ending religion Yeah, the mission. Okay, never mind. Because you can go on it if you can go on a tangent Actually like the fact that like you're born muslim and I was born Christian Yeah, his mom is like my mom's a pastor, right? It's an Elijah like my mom. Yeah, my mom prays faster. My mom fast every other day like I am where I am People the mom is fasting like be white. May about what my beliefs are religion. I know that my mother's Just okay, you know, they put both of us and they put our parents behind Why do you see them? But I know it's pray for us. It's interesting. I don't know. I love her for it though Like I understand how religion is her like her belief is him is what helps her survive And I just I would never take that away from her I understand it and then need for that too like I like to say like when so I fasted during Ramadan last year I'm planning on fasting again this year and I think I always feel so good when I fast Because being human is such a scary phenomenon like I don't think we talk about it enough like being a human means like You're trusting that you little piece of sand dust and whistles and bones Matter in the world of a seven billion of us on this like floating planets of whatever like you need to grasp something to survive Like you need something so you don't go crazy or mad and if that is religion for a lot of people Okay, you know, I mean like and the month where like I'm fasting and I say in shahla I want this I'm praying for it I feel a sense of peace because I have told my brain If I just hold on to this person this this entity I will be okay Right, and that's strength that that gives me it's something that it's hard to describe to other people So when I see overly religious people I understand it yeah, because I understand that feeling like The needs to just understand that something has to be something bigger than Me being the mouse or whatever or like I smashed and then the big bang happened and I'm yeah, I have a I have a book wreck. Yeah, for everyone. Okay. I mean reading this book. It's called the body A guide for occupants. Okay, that's right. It's by Bryson bill okay, so really interesting book quick highlight of the first chapter It talks about like how much does the body cost like how much is the body worth and some people say it's like 30 dollars Right because a lot of the things that the body makes off like the oxygen and all the major components You can go get it in the store, right? But a lot of the other things like the organs and the things that like zero point zero zero zero zero zero zero One percent that I hidden in the elements that don't even make it to the periodic table Our things if you want to get the cost like $80,000 So the entire chapter ends with like the bodies worth around three hundred and twenty thousand dollars And I think like that perspective of like looking at your body as like I'm worth almost like half a million dollars If someone was to make it, but even if someone had all those ingredients They couldn't create something that could literally heal itself over and over again and I breathe like and start it from scratch. That was like Yeah, it's just yeah, so anyways religion thoughts bodies We'll be back we'll be back about religion in the other thing Yeah, so you've been talking about like this second episode You know being gay and all that Okay, yeah, yeah, so you out Um Yeah, I don't know. Okay Yeah, I think I am it's so weird because okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna ensure this segment this way Because it's a little bit like I wonder I think I have a lot of friends Right, who are part of that community? I think we say it's like that's kind of weird That's I'm saying is weird. Yeah, I think I'm trying to understand like where would you place yourself? And is this like a I'm here or are you just like on a journey? Hmm, I want to put this episode like this We are not going to share this part of the clip on any teaser or recap rules or anything I think I wanted this to be for just the listeners of the podcast even though I know this wasn't gonna go different places I just want you all to know that I'm actually just sharing with you guys. I date both I've dated both men and women and I remember telling my brother recently and like coming out to my brother um I literally just did recently. I was like hey I'm gonna let you know like this is something about me Because I've had a lot of people ask all my other friends like we've seen so these episodes like Is she gay? Is she not? And I'm like first of all, I don't think this was business But it is because I've been bringing it up a lot I think it's because I want people to understand where my head is at right now in terms of like how I want to start Representing myself in the world like I just want to be me and like this my life with like relationships and companionships like This is a part of my like my life that I'm like learning to as I go When we're talking to my brother about it recently I'm telling him like hey, what if I was he was like first of all I kind of assumed That you were which is cool to hear him say he's gonna have to like before the episode after the episode After the episode okay, he was like oh like he's no surprise and he made a comment about how he's no surprise because He says I have not had any male figures in my life and that's why he thinks I might be leaning towards like ending up with someone who's a guy and I was like, I don't know how true that is Yeah, that's a curious Response from you about trying to explain. It's a great hypothesis. Yeah, like I'm like. I was interesting that that's the first thing he thought of But then he said something that Is why I said this will only ever stay on this podcast now if someone who is psychotic like the size of cut this clip Supposed about it somewhere else then Thank you, but whatever. I know what I'm doing back. Oh say anyways. He said as long as you don't Tell Your mother before she dies. I'm okay with it and I was the first time someone had directly told me My reality, you know, I mean like yes all fun and games that like you're posting about these things online and like you say And I feel like my mom was kind of a scene videos and I just heard videos She's probably just gonna be like this gun is just talking nonsense. Whatever. It's not gonna be a reality And I think in my head. I'm like I'm not directly talking to her or anything like that Because you guys know my history of my mom. I remember he said that I was just like a big ball crashing down like hmm And I don't know what to do about that. So I'm gonna leave that there But it is something that has been sitting on my chest a lot because I think it just feels like to be the oddity It feels very real now like when I picked that name I knew why I picked it at that point in my life But even more so now it feels even real like to be different and it's so So so many people who are like me who's filled the way I feel who look like me Who are going through the exact same thing I'm going through right now. I see you. I love you I hear you and that's why I'm okay talking and sharing this It still just feels a little bit too real to always share like online But I have made a decision to simply exist as myself and talk all this shit. I want to talk And that was why did this podcast so I'm gonna leave that there I'm just curious to see what I end up doing and how that impacts me Like in the future. I think I think you'll be fine Don't such a breezy answer. No, it's not the because I was gonna say you should tell her. No, no, why feel like no Yes, you should you absolutely Well, like also, I think I think you say that because you know, I'm gonna be okay. That's right That's you I know However, apart me still wants the relationship I have with my mom to not change and I know it would change I don't know if it's gonna be good or bad or just indifferent But it is operating from a place of fear absolutely right? No, honestly It's fear but also like damn like she's been through enough with me I didn't really like to say I am my mother's worst nightmare. I don't think so. I think so I am very sure I get what you're saying Yeah, I understand that concept. Yeah, I would and this is not so great title. I am a mother's worst nightmare I'm so sorry. There's a story. That's a great podcast title Y'all really she has to take a commercial break because my goat was burning as we're cooking it But yeah, so I feel like to do what I feel like I was born on this earth to do I feel like that's the Cross I'm going to bear now. I can just see the comments from a lot of ignorant men Like ignoring people in general or people who just like think differently than I am and I hope they understand that I might too lot as a space where you're able to comment your Descent like just understand that you're not gonna convince me otherwise because if anything It's okay to have difference of opinions. I want to just respect you as you respect me Is it bad? They're like in this case a difference of opinion is like It's also a difference in IQ No, no no no. Don't know like No, no no no genera right is a difference in IQ that like it makes sense like if I see someone who's like Oh, like how can you be like this? I encourage you. Yeah Yeah, it's like the fact that you can't comprehend why another human being would want to explore like one good space Yeah, right people you know if you don't get it is an IQ team well if you don't get it You don't get it's an IQ thing from Donald well, but yeah guys. I'm excited for where this podcast is gonna go I like when we don't have chats like this because I think it's really cool to just see what's in our heads and I think There'll be more episodes like that. So I feel like I want an episode of anxiety I forgot a big thing that we're gonna be getting up to it But also we're gonna do fun episodes two is we like introduce segments as a podcast as well But it's definitely gonna just be a random punch What do you guys prefer fun episodes or deep effort because we can also be fun though Like this is fun. We just think each other in between Should you know there's been no insults today I'm very surprised we usually are like very like Yeah, I think also this year I'm gonna excited about like love and friendship and companionship and just like yeah growing in that part of my life I think for the past couple of years I've been very focused on growing with work and I feel like I'm in a good place now where like night I want more in my like emotional parts Basically, I just I'm enjoying pouring into my personal relationships. There we go That's what I'm really excited for for this year so in terms of my year of like personal relationship personal quote As well as career courses always because you know, so we're gonna go into some odd news kind of but like not really because it's not really odd It's just like things have been happening because y'all as y'all are listening to this. We are recording January 20th So Donald Trump was inaugurated in office today. I don't want to talk a lot about him and his presidency because we're what immigrants don't know One thing I don't understand is why this happened on MLK then I don't know what he said. He's going to make MLK's dreams come true I'm telling you what both immigrants here just in case just in case like no, no, I'm just saying because we we don't understand it's okay That's true. We can't say anything I'm telling you I will I I want to let's do this because you have to be careful that I want to push forward my Black brothers and sisters would be passports. Y'all hold this bite down for the next four years. Yeah until I get to your spot Until I get to where you are at right now enjoy. I'm telling you I am y'all enough. You know where I stand However My life is no balance right now And I'm going to lie for myself in this country. I can be easily taken away but we're not But yeah, so Trump was just sworn into office It's gonna be a crazy four years in the past couple of hours He's talked about taking away birthright citizenship How like the tick-tock CEO is now and him are like gonna work hand in hand his entire front row for his speech was like all like the tech billionaires All I know is the next four years a lot of people are going to get rich. Yeah, that's why biggest thing the rich get rich art We need to be one of them so I can give back to other people. Yeah, that's exactly why I want to be rich By the way, I promise. I know this myself is just by general. You mean it. It's just interesting. I feel like again I have nothing to say on this matter. This can be a whole episode It could be a whole episode, but we're not gonna do that because you should go surviving America episode No, baby again because we're gonna wait for four years. Okay, you stick with us for four years Or we have a blue file. Yes, and for those who don't understand you don't need to understand what we need Okay, let's just give it a day why don't You sort of more hot. Okay. Here's the thing tick-tock was also banned for 12 hours So this happened so you're gonna listen to this and feel like I hope We found some more information and then you'll let us know in the comments We'll probably talk about the description in the comments But I think it was also banned for like 12 hours and a lot of your favorite influencers were saying a lot of crazy stuff You know, you know, if this is gonna be our last post on tick-tock here is a secret that I want to share And I realized I'm not doing this social media thing right. I'm too honest. I'm generally serious. I think I I talked a little about it. I'm like don't know we're not fabricating our lives enough We're because you guys I think I could be famous if I was a liar. Yeah, and I think that's my issue I need to lie more and I wouldn't practice now. I love to know Trump Hashtag mother Yeah, you were in red rock Hashtag my god. What do you think? I think America great again Hashtag hill Trump hashtag Trump for president hashtag Trump won the 2020 presidency hashtag poses on tick-tock right now Because I'm telling you The lies that were being shared out of context that could be crazy Yeah, you know, it's crazy to me You know what I mean because like when I post content. I'm thinking of what I am doing Yeah, many what my my what I am doing I don't think of fabricating so I was like oh remember the card that the guy gave me it was my car I'm out what you need I'm telling you like oh Y'all and I'm looking at my don't imagine like the test like you bought you fake it. Yeah, so you do waste money You also go to the same engagement right like why am I in this apartment? Why am I paying rent? Right? I'm gonna just pick a fake apartment toy. I'm telling you. Yeah, we're doing it wrong. I said I need to be liars That's my goal for 2025 to lie because I saw that I'm like my mouth dropped because I'm like If it's three times we're like oh, we fake the whole story time you think how do you remember to the you remember the lie like it's Follow up and follow up again. I think going to the gym you fixed running like what it much if it's a marathon. What did I run? I don't know who would have found out No, it's crazy to me. Yeah, anyways, um, so we just realized that like we're doing poorly as influencers and we need to lie more We'll keep you guys updated on whether or not we lie better than not Okay, so we're gonna end today's episode with a scenario because I was watching Trevor Noah's podcast and on his podcast He did like a sort of like if I if I was in charge of the world or something What is a rule that I would in states and so I wanted to do like an odd scenario Don't also want to tell me it like one of the odd scenarios. I can imagine right now. We'll see how we can like imagine something cool Okay, so if England is invaded the earth Yes, okay, it's an odd scenario if aliens I feel like aliens are real first of all I was at New Year's with a friend of mine and she was like oh like her mom believes the earth is what I was afraid of talking about and I can see I would jump off my balcony. No, no, we we we it's what we do aren't I don't know because I will kill myself. Yeah, but if I ever got an alert that says if I got an alert that said There's a tsunami coming or hurricane coming or whatever. I will kill myself first trigger warning suicide warning I will kill myself. Yeah, but that's no fun though. Why we need you to be alive. Why in this world You have the power to be alive. Why why they will fuck me I have a really good head cuz think about it, right? No Who tells your story? Who tells your story? What do you mean somebody has to tell your story with you jump? What story? Yeah, cuz if they have quartets with you that means Imagine the child you and an angry picture it The picture the child. Okay, who that thought who that thought where would they go and I'll give you options Okay, New York Legos Harris, no, I feel like aliens will only land where white people are so like we have one time Yeah, I feel yeah, I feel like like in a desert or something because I really feel like if they learn like in legos or something No, but they always come to the city They come to the city You Well, it was good enough boy fight against each other though. I don't know cuz you know like a lot of movies that we see about The million is like he's Mars like other planets are hotter than earth Yeah, but I also think they're like what did they have like Some of them you know what you seem like you know cuz that's a disson no mechery Venice and yeah, they're all colder. What are you talking about earth is like the one in the middle? That's where we're able to live here Not in the middle we are I know but like what middle is there are nine planets when number four. We don't bet three. We're four. We're three Mercury Venus Mars Earth. No, yes, no Whatever before No, Mars is for Sonata wrong. Okay, so they're learning where you said Montana. Yes, okay So let's say they've taken over they've invaded the earth How did you make money if there was no such thing there? How do people make money? Not to you How do they remember you? Who then how would they spend money your business? I feel like it depends on what the aliens are here for either here to colonize or the year to live with they It's like engage because I feel like I'm a very welcoming person. So they're here to live with us Oh, then yay like hey, how do you think we'll react? I think like for me if there was an alien who is like moving next door I'm very welcoming as well as you know like you're not like slimy. I feel like it's the texture thing for me Like I think I'll be down with it like with the alien look like Groot we look like rocket from my garden of the galaxy. We look like the guy with the ugly skin Let's say the guy with all this game. That's fine too because you're solid. I don't want slimy aliens though I feel like that would be my issue on group. I don't want glue. I feel like glue might be too much because I was gonna clean it up That's gonna be money though, and I'll be gonna be like subservient I'd be gonna be underneath the aliens are gonna be above them Because that's also different because you know human beings like we like to fight. Oh, Trump safe. I think Trump wouldn't be around for it. I think Trump will go in a bunker Yeah, I think they'll run away. Yeah, I would again I think he was that side bro. I did not Um, yeah, United America But yeah, I feel like Trump and like oh, I think I think Elon Musk is a wind I don't think he's gonna fight but if he does fight, I think he would like he's like Wars, I don't know. Well, I know I will be friendly. I'll be nice I think that if I don't kill us, we're gonna be 5b then I think we'll be fine. What about Intergalactic marriages. I didn't think we'll feel about it. I feel like I'm open to it Like I wonder like what parts they would have though. I guess it's tentacles. Oh, is that penis? Three movies three boobs would be lit. I love a titty. I love a solitaire. Why this soft hard gooey titty like it depends to I was like take myself out of my self-humans. I think about alien like what does my ideal alien look like? Mm-hmm What's my ideal alien look like I think a nice mouth a solid mouth not a lot of slubber a long tongue Bigger small lips. I feel like a like my lip would be fine. It's that big or small my lip. I don't know I think for no I have a medium lips. I want retractable tongue I've always wanted retractable I wouldn't retractable tongue. I feel like I'm not sure about the hair because I'm not really a I don't have a thing for hair Well, like a scaly scalp is fine Like something that can rub my hands through Like a braided in oh an inside braided scalp. I love it inside braid You know when it's like the like a scaly voice like I could feel it from the Science-y Hulu program. I forget the name But he had he was the one the planet where there were only two males I forget if you all know what I'm talking about in the comments and then I think the body Crystal solid mass body. I think I'll be fine with or like a robot body like a feminist a Thanos body Yeah with titties three titties and then a penis and a hole for like an Appointed thing Is on a penis, but a gadget that can fit into holes and a hole. They're pretty much the enemy with the f himself Yes That's my dream alien Oh my god, because someone like draw that Be the near end of the code. All right. I don't know. I think that's the end of this episode So you're gonna end it after I'm using the I'm gonna end the episode there because I feel like we went I do honestly that was a crazy ending to that episode you guys I'm thinking about that. That's not fine. I want that. I want it so it's gonna make a toy like that. What's fun about them? I don't know. Love just thinking it'd be good of a foot Hmm Yeah, cuz you know like in those like dystopian world like you're walking all around think about like red light district Like the new Amsterdam Like with Indians in it You know like when you walk through red light district You have like the windows with like people like Themselves. Yeah, kind of like the box in New York. Have you ever been to the box? Anyway, guys, thank you so much for listening to today's episode of my tool out the podcast I think this was a really funny. So I'm gonna be one of my top 10 episodes top 10 top three episodes. Maybe top two I think this would be right after my did to December episode because I really like that episode What's your favorite episode so far to record? Yeah We have good ones though. Oh, let me see. Let's end it. What's yours on all two? You gotta tell me and I'll tell you Oh my god favorite episode Let me see No, I'm looking to right what if I was gave my my tall favorite and a close second is my death to December was crazy Cuz I feel like I was so chill when I came back. That was just talking. Yeah, and that was fun for me Cuz I feel like I don't yap enough online. I want to yap some more. Mm-hmm. I think my favorite was alcohol. I know it is Yeah, my favorite was awful. It was a really long episode But I was good if you haven't listened to episode nine Minus you know you plug in your episode. I want to plug mine Um, oh, I said our podcast on it. It's our baby You guys were so proud of this baby. It's gonna be a fun episode We should get someone to cut these clips really far. Let's end the year. I love you all so much I'll see you in the next episode There doesn't know what kind of comments and topics you want us to discuss in our comments and we love you very much like thank you for listening Your pod fam forever man like y'all like if you listen to this all the way through you just like enjoy it like like it rate it like I think we're some doing something really cool here that no one has ever done especially for our communities and where we are in life So shout out to y'all for sticking with us. This is only a bigger and better Hopefully unwell picks us up. Hopefully Spotify studios maybe picks us up. You never know. I love you so much And I'll see you next week Bye guys hashtag pod fam in the comments and I'll send you a gift