LET'S TALK ABOUT JEALOUSY!! | AITL?! EP 53

Hey, OddFam, welcome. What? Not me about to actually do my fricking, um, vloggit show. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Welcome to a My To Allow the Podcast. You know what? That's how you know I've been cheating on the podcast by being the vlog fan for a bit because I have been consistent on my vlog channel but I've not been consistent on here. Why it doesn't matter? Because welcome back to a My To Allow the Fricking podcast so if the aka the mother fricking audity, oh, I'm so sorry. I am. Well, should I say I'm sorry? Let's talk about it real quick. Hi guys. We are a bit late. Okay, I did not post an episode last week and honestly, can I just, can I be honest with you guys because I should, I'm trying to do this thing where I give you guys the immediate blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I want to be coin size. I want to be direct. I want to be all these things. I'm tired. I made some match up for the first time to, well, not for the first time, but I made some match up today. Hold on. I should have put more sweetener in. Oh my God, I'm so obsessed with the color green. Okay. Where do I start from? Guys, guys, guys, this shit is hard. Okay, okay, okay. First of all, this episode is going to be about jealousy. Let's start there. It is going to be a deep dive into jealousy. So if you want to get into the actual video where I'm starting to talk about jealousy, I'm going to like do chapter markers so we know where jealousy starts from. But before that, it feels like I'm just, I'm just not going to dive into the episode. And I'll talk about the fact that I disappeared for a whole week and what's going on. I kind of hinted at it on my vlog channel, but your girl has been sort of dealing with a lot of shit. And you know what's crazy? I was going to do a whole vlog episode about it, but I feel like if I keep blabbing and blabbing and blabbing away on the vlog channel, then it's going to be a whole thing. Like I just need to actually start. Like instead of talking, talking, talking, I just need to start doing the things I want to do. But somebody gave me the energy, the copta, it's how it is, the strength to talk about this. So I'm going to talk about it for a few minutes before we get into this episode because honestly, right now in the season that I am, I am feeling so much jealousy. I am feeling so much jealousy and I just need to be honest about it. So we'll get into that. First of all, I just watched Marvela's video. If you don't know, Marvela is, Marvela is an incredible creator. She's just amazing. She's one of my favorite people on the planet and she reminds me so much of myself when I was younger. Simply because like she, I feel like we have such a similar stories we're both Nigerian, we're both European girls, we're both very energetic, very hype, all that stuff shout out to her. She also is the owner of Marvela Cosmetics so she's killing it. And she recently posted a video in her TikTok where she talked about not making money. And as a creator, as an influencer, which I will also do a episode on life as a creator, what I wish I knew, what I wish I learned, I guess. I think I'll do that soon. Maybe that'll be my next episode. But anyways, she did a video and I was like, oh my God, I am not alone and it's so crazy because I didn't tell her this but it's so crazy how, I've definitely watched a lot of people who I consider my peers in the industry doing so well and I've been feeling such jealousy and I'm like, what is my problem? Why am I doing things differently? And I've kind of hinted at it a little bit in different episodes but I'm gonna talk about it in this episode so I can feel like I can move past this and try to figure out how to make my life work now. Okay, so I am the most successful person you'd ever meet. I am the person who I tell people all the time that I never get a denial. Like I am everything I want I get. Like I've never been, I've been through lots of shit. You guys, if you know my background, you know I have been through so much nonsense. But at the core, my qualities or my hard work as always paid off. Like I knew for a fact that if I studied, I would get this result. Like it was just always a thing that I knew. So for the longest time, success was always my thing. Like I was just always been successful because I just worked really hard for it. Except for it last year, okay. And I think I've hinted at this a little bit but last year around October, right? After I decided, you know what? I knew just funny because when I started telling my team that I wanted to start traveling, they really were like, Sophie, there is no money in travel. Like unless you're creating content about travel and these travel brands decide to like latch onto you, there is no money in travel. You need to keep your apartments, still do beauty and skincare content. And for me, I was like, no, I can do it all. I could not do it all because I think immediately that happened and I left my lease and I started traveling. From like October, I made zero dollars from brand deals. Like if you guys go through my content, I have not had a brand deal in so long. And I feel like I've been so ashamed to talk about it because I am always so successful. And I don't even think I'm ever going to talk about it online because I feel like, you know, this thing of where all my enemies are watching me, I can't be saying this thing out loud. She didn't be saying, I'm gonna say it out loud because it really has been fucking with my mind. So I have not, I did not make a, I was, I went from working with Delta Airlines to hearing nothing. I went from working with Amax, to working with Airy, working with Savage X Fenty, Victoria Secret, to nothing. And for me, I love the conversation then was, oh, you know, you have too much of a Nigerian audience, you need to come back to America, you can't travel, you need to do this kind of a content. And it started feeling like the life that I wanted, I had to switch it around to be successful. And that's kind of what I'm currently dealing with. And it is so crazy that I thought I was the only one when we actually forget that we're not the only ones. There's so many people going through pretty much similar shit that you probably wouldn't talk about. So Marvella posted a video on her TikTok when she talked about not having brand deals even though she's constantly posting content, having a whole business, but you know, her source of income has been stopped, like not being successful as a creator and just getting overwhelmed and exhausted by it. And the fact, the woman I saw that, I just went holy smokes, I'm not the only one. And I'm actually gonna FaceTime I write after this or probably later on in a few days. To me, it felt like the story I had been putting in my head wasn't true. And this is where jealousy comes in. And again, I'm gonna connect the dots really soon. But I wouldn't say I was ever jealous of Marvella because I don't think it was specifically her. But I remember like every time I would scroll on TikTok and I would see creators doing all these things and traveling and doing all this stuff. And I'm like trying to sit back down and look at my business from within and I'm firing people and hiring people and being more strategic. I'm like, I just wanna live freely. I just wanna be happy. I just wanna live life and create content that I enjoy. And I'm so jealous of the idea of what a successful creator looks like. I forget that like we're all human beings going through very, very different things. So I say all that to say that that's kind of where my head has been. So I've not gone a brand deal since, yeah, since October last year. And it's been really scary because I've had to come to terms with the fact that things are not always going to be so great for you. And this is someone who is working hard. Like I'm constantly putting out content, constantly entertaining people. I'm constantly doing all these things but it's just not working. And for someone like me who's always had friends who will come to me for advice on how to get brand deals. I'm the one who's going to them now. I'm saying, hey, how do I get this? Like how do I talk to these brands? Like what am I doing wrong? What am I doing right? It has been so heartbreaking. Like I'm not gonna lie to you. Like just recently I got an offer from a brand. I'm not gonna say the brand's name. And I sent in my picture and everything. And I was so excited, oh my God. It's gonna be my final breakthrough. I can't wait. And the brand said they're gonna go in a different direction. And I was like, I didn't even want to walk with you in the first place. Are you ever telling me, no, how dare you? I think that's kind of how I've been feeling recently. I just, guys, it's been hard. It's, it's, but it's like, it's been October. So I'm nervous a bit. I'm trying to figure out if I'm the problem. And I think with our content and like as a creator, because my personal life is my content, it always feels like it's me that's doing something wrong. And I think that's the biggest issue for me. It's like, why am I, I was telling my friend the other day, I was like, what am I doing wrong? Like, what am I doing wrong? Well, why am I not getting this? Why am I not getting that one? Why am I not being successful? And she was like, Sophie, you can't keep saying, what are you doing wrong? Cause you're not doing anything wrong. It's just, it might be the industry. It might be the time. It might be you're just pivoting and trying something else. So I think I'm not gonna lie to you. That's why I missed the podcast episode last week because I got the news from the brand that I really wanted and it didn't work out. And I just broke down because I was like, I just feel like, I went from this high, high, high life to now feeling like I'm not doing something right. That being Nigerian is too much. It's no market value. Being myself is not curated enough. It's not aesthetic enough. Like I need to be the likes of a certain type of black girl to make a certain amount of money. Like it just feels like I'm being police to be a certain way. And I just, I swear y'all, I had this whole episode planned about womanhood because it was gonna be the beginning of March and March is a woman's history month. I had all these things planned and I could not show up for you. I could not show up for myself. I just needed a fucking minute. So I got the minute. I'm back. And nothing has changed. If you're a brand watching this, my email is Sophie at theaudity.com. And I'm just gonna keep going. I just, I just, guys, I'm mentally exhausted. I've thought about every single thing. I have tried so many different things. I have pitched, I'm like, is it because I'm talking about Palestine? Is it because, you know, a ball? Is it because I didn't look at you in my camera one time? I have tried to. All right, because I'm like, are you bad? Do you know who I am? I should be getting all the brand deals in the world. I am, I am success personified. How dare you not see that? How dare you not see how great I am? So I also have a cold. So it's been a rough couple of months, especially, I think I'm battling personal goals versus work goals and trying to navigate that, but I will tell you this, everything I am going through right now is necessary for my growth. I think that mindset is what's keeping me sane. It's because I know that there's so many things I took for granted before that I would never take for granted again. There's so many ways I acted around the deals I used to have before that would never take for granted again. I, I think I underestimated, I think I, I wouldn't say I took for granted what my life looked like, but I definitely didn't, oh, sorry guys, I definitely didn't take, I don't know, but anyways, I'm still doing a lot of soul searching, a lot of like life searching, especially around family, support, life, goals, dreams, everything like that, especially as an entrepreneur. It is so hard being an entrepreneur. I also look very pretty right now. Sorry guys, I'm all over the place. Anyways, we're going to get into today's video. That's all I wanted to share. That's why I was off last week, but now we're back and we're better and I missed you. Hi, hey pod fam, so let me some love in the comments. We're doing it. We are killing it. We're doing it. We're gonna keep going. We're just gonna keep fighting. I think that's essentially what I'm gonna be doing. And I forgot that oversharing is my superpower. I forgot the vulnerability and authenticity is my superpower. And I feel like God, why am I choking? Hold on. I feel like I forgot in some way that, how do I say this? I forgot. I like to say like comparison is a thief of joy and I definitely compare myself with the people and I look at other people or sometimes I'm like, okay, they don't talk too much. Maybe I don't need to talk too much, but then I don't like it. I don't like not sharing. Like I just, I don't like not sharing. I like you to know what's going on in my life. I just do. I love bringing people into my life. I love the discourse. I love, I want young women to see the mess in my life and to see the growth and see the best as well because I think I don't, I never had that. I don't have a sister who's going through shit. But you know what I mean? Like in my head, I'm thinking about it from the perspective of I wonder if I'd posted a video talking about what I was going through with brand deals and being an influencer and all that stuff that Marvela would have reached out to me because she's younger and would have had a conversation that would have been bettered us together. You know what I mean? Like it's so interesting to see how perspective works, right? Like I saw her posting. I was like, wow, I'm glad she did that. And for me to be able to see that, I'm able to relate to that. And I went through her comments and I saw so many young black girls talking about how hard they're working with social media and how hard it is in this business. And I was like, Sophie, what the fuck? Like what the actual fuck so? Like why are you comparing yourself to all these other creators when you know what your market is? I know that I told you guys when I first got my first brand deal, when I got my last brand deal, I told you guys, when I got my apartment, I told you guys when my mom was being annoying, I told you guys every single thing about me and that's what put me in the space I'm in right now. And I think that's what makes me special. And sometimes I feel like the thing that makes me special is what's holding me back. And I think that negative thinking is going to constantly affect me until I take that out of rotation. So I'm working on taking that out of my freaking rotation. And I'm starting to realize I'm very much a negative thinker and I don't know where that started from because I used to be always so positive. I used to always think that good things will always happen to me. And for some reason I started thinking, I think it was just the fear of everything. Like I got so successful so quickly and I was like, whoa, like this is crazy. How did I go from buying secondhand clothes to being able to shop at freaking anywhere and pay $7,000 for a dress to attend a Met Gala event? Like for me, it all happened so quickly that I think I underestimated myself. Within that process, I got so scared of failure and now that it feels like, and I'm not failure, but now that I felt like, okay, things are crumbling down or maybe what I wanted wasn't going the right way or maybe I didn't make the right decision, nah, I'm struggling. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's not true. So if you're just, you're growing, this is all what I call growing pains. Anyway, so that's where I've been and that's why I did not post last weekend, send me some love in the comments. I'm a bit like, I don't know what the word is. I'm a bit, I'm feeling a lot more introspective. When I tell you guys, I've blocked so many people and friends that were taking advantage of me. Oh, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay. I'm not gonna get into that. I just, I've just done a lot of self work. I have done a lot of breakups and makeups. I have done a lot of soul searching and growth things. So you're going to see a difference side of me moving forward. And I hope you're proud of that person. And I hope you're proud of that person because that person did her best. Okay, this girl sitting here right now, the shit I have been through that I keep smiling through and I keep telling you guys, it's going to be okay. Like right now, I did not want to record this episode. Today is Tuesday. This episode goes live tomorrow. I do not have a producer because my producer was, let me know if we get into that. But I've seen a lot of comments from you guys about, how that relationship was, how much you enjoyed that relationship. And I'm telling you, there's so much on camera that you do not see. Leave it at that. Love him down, wish him the best, but leave it at that. It's just so much that I could share with you guys that I just, I have carried so much on my shoulders. And I let people take advantage of that so many times and then enough is enough. I am almost 30 years old. And I refuse to let people walk all over me. I refuse to still be a people pleaser. I refuse to not chase my dreams. I refuse to only do all the talking and never actually doing any of the doing. So this is my era of simply just doing things. So today, for example, like a very tangible example, I woke up very late because I was so exhausted and I had a bunch of meetings and I just did not want to put makeup on. I did not want to film this video. I did not want to record another podcast episode. I was going to get 1,000 views when my mates are getting 20,000 views. And I didn't want to record. Like I just felt like I didn't want to. And I swear on my fucking late father, I got a DM from someone who said, Sophie, I hope it's going to be a podcast episode tomorrow. Who the fuck do I think I am? Here I was, while wearing a self-pity, sitting down, going, I can't film this, I can't film that. I'm the same person that I've seen I did not get a brand deal the other day. So how do you want to get brand deals if you're not posting? If you're crying in bed, telling people, oh, you're so sad, huh? How the fuck do you want to increase your views? If you don't keep posting, so you can see how to get better with your content. How? I'm listening to you, I'm talking to you too, wherever it's listening to me, and you're trying to do something but you're so scared of doing it because you're gonna look messy. This episode, I really have, let me show, I swear to you. My iPod is here. I had, I was gonna say, can we be honest? I was gonna start the video, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but that's not me. I wanna yak with you guys first, and I'm learning. So what if in two years when I start the episode, I'm probably gonna be in a fancy-ass studio interviewing Michelle Obama or some shit, and you're gonna go back to two years where I was in my friend Justin and Annie's house in Justin's frickin' studio where I put up this light in the background, move some, if you're watching some video, move some suitcases around and move all these things around so I can record because I am still going to show up for myself. And I sometimes forget that. I forget that all I need to do everyday is show up for me. No one else, no one else, just me. That's the best thing I can do for myself is show up for me. That's the best thing you can do for yourself is show up for you. It doesn't matter if no one else is watching as long as you're showing up for you. And oh god, this is why I feel like this is the perfect episode for jealousy because I can say all this shit, but the industry that I'm in, everything is out. Like you fail out loud, you succeed, out loud, you're visible, you're seen. So that pressure to post can be so frustrating, can be so embarrassing, can feel shameful, but look at yourself, focus on you. Focus on you and no one else. That's the goal, that's the beauty, that's the dream. Anyways, okay, so what else did I want to say? I think that was it, I think that was it guys. I just, yeah, so sad, and I'm not sad anymore. I'm still sad when I'm figuring it out. Oh yeah, I was all saying, what's ADHD? So I, I did no one to do any of this, and I remember there was a Kevin stage video that I watched that says, sometimes I don't feel like making videos, sometimes I don't feel like shooting content, but I just continue to do it. I just post it, and that's my goal now. It's even when I don't feel like doing it, as long as I do it, I'm fine. Like it was one time I didn't want to go to the gym. I went to the gym for 10 minutes, but I still went to that gym, I went to that gym. And I think that's the beauty of living life, essentially, is try your best. Just keep trying your best, no matter what. Like, you can't feel if you're still trying. And I definitely felt like a failure last week when I didn't post, because I felt like I could have really posted. I could have come on here in a row and just talk to you guys about the things I wanted to talk to you guys about, because it doesn't have to be perfect. I mean, yes, my peers are in fancy podcast studios, and I used to be in fancy podcast studios. But the meat is still the same. My brain is still the same. This is what I can't do now. And what's funny is I hated those podcast studios. When I tell you guys, if I can ever be honest, I hated those podcast studios. Like, when I used to travel and find podcast studios, I wish I could just put my camera up in a room and talk to you guys, but I always felt like I have to be presentable and clean and fancy in this. And that's what you guys will listen to me. And I realized, sometimes that would be cool. And I feel like maybe one day down the line when I build my own studio, that would be interesting. But if this is what I can do, as long as I have a really good quality camera, I have my mic and my audio that works, then who the fuck am I? I'm looking at my thing because if this thing is blurry, it should be blurry, and I would beat it's hope. If this camera is blurry, oh. Sorry guys, I had to issue my camera quality the other time. So I'm still very much feeling raw about it. Anyway, so as I was saying, sometimes you don't feel like doing something, and that's okay. As long as you just keep trying, that's the best thing you can do. I've also been learning about regulating your nervous system. I did not realize how much you're, let me tell you something. If you've been sexually assaulted five times like I've been, I know, I just dropped that, that's really crazy. But if you have, if you've been assaulted called terrible names by your family, if you've been broke, if you've been left to die at this point, on a mountain because your friends were terrible people, if you've been pushed out of a moving car because your friends were terrible people, if you've been bullied, if you, I can tell you guys so much, if you've done all that shit, what was that going with that? God damn it. I had a whole thing in my head, oh, hey. No higher, drunk. Guys, oh nervous nervous system is like, I'm not gonna edit this out. You're gonna keep this as me. If you've gone through all that stuff, your nervous system will be like this. I swear, you have ADHD and anxiety too. Forgive me for having to over explain myself because when I tell you my mind is constantly moving, I don't know what peace looks like. Oh, I didn't, it's good for me. I know what peace looks like now. I didn't know what peace looked like. I was constantly functioning like something the ball was going to drop. I didn't realize that. The past six months now, this is the first time I've actually slowed down. Within everything I just told you guys, I still took a break in December and I did not realize how, I didn't have to wash my face so quickly. I could take my time. I didn't have to rush to do my makeup. I could take my time. I didn't have to get anxiety over a call. I could breathe through it. I could take my time, I could meditate, I could journal. I could take my time. And when I tell you deep breaths have been helping me, living life going outside, taking walks, working out, listening to music, I am becoming. I am becoming. I don't want to say I'm becoming a new person. No, no, no, no, I'm just becoming. I am finding myself and it is messy as fuck. It is exhausting, but I'm enjoying every bit of this. I just want you guys to know that. There's always going to be light at the end of the tunnel. I'm still in that tunnel, but I can see the light. And I'm just gonna keep working hard. So that is why I'm showing up today. So let me know how you show up for yourself because if I'm showing up today and you're having to listen to this episode, you better best believe, you better be showing up too. We're showing up together, okay? Okay, now I got that all out of the way. Let's talk about jealousy, jealousy. I'm gonna play the video that I inspired this entire episode where this girl, what she did, she did a video. And I'm gonna play the video for us to watch. And it's a six minute video. I don't know if I'm gonna play that shit though. It's a six minute video. There is a jealousy within friendships, but not as in, oh, my friend is jealous of me, but no, I can't watch it. Let me watch this video and come back real quick. Okay, because I just how you guys know how much I love you because I really just watched that six minutes. I did put on two X. So now, okay, now I understand what she was saying. So this girl goes on TikTok and she talks about how people talk about jealousy sometimes, but they don't talk about jealousy from the point of a jealous friend. And already when I saw that was like, ooh, this is very interesting episode because a lot of people acts very self-righteous online. The act like, oh, no one is ever jealous. And if you're a jealous, you must be so terrible of a person blah, blah, blah, we'll get into that. So she says she's been jealous. She had a friend that she was really, really jealous of. And because this friend had everything in life that she really wanted down to a tee. The same, maybe the apartment, the job, the life, the clothes, everything this friend had. And for her, she also felt like she said this that she felt like the friend also did not have to work for it. And the friend held such a casual regard for the friend. The friend had a casual regard for the stuff as a friend had versus her who looked at her, like you don't even know what you have. Like give me all these things, I want it. And so she felt like she was very much jealous of that friend because she was like this friend at everything. And then she said she also like wasn't mean about it. She wasn't like she was very caddy about that. She just recognized to herself that she was jealous of this person. Then she said the end of the relationship on mutual terms. So they're all good, but she just wanted to like share that. She was jealous. So now here's the thing. Here's the thing, my beautiful people. My issue with that in many ways, first of all, I want to say issue, I went through the comments and people were like, oh my god, you're so brave for sharing this. We put them talk about being the jealous friend. You're so brave from sharing, there's a lot of conversation around being brave for sharing. And then also people were like, oh, you're so messed up. You're so jealous, so let's first start with this. What is jealousy, okay? Jealousy is defined as, where is it? When you feel threatened that something you have could be taking away, a feeling of fear, suspicion, or insecurity over the possibility of losing someone's attention, affection, position, or advantage, right? Which is interesting because what she says doesn't actually describe jealousy. And I think that's why she kind of lost me a little bit because I think what she was feeling was envy. And we talk about people, a lot of religious people talk about how envy is a terrible influence, emotion, because envy is when you want something someone else has, a feeling of discontent or desire caused by someone else's possessions, qualities, success, or love. Jealousy is oftentimes used interchangeably with envy, but I oftentimes associate jealousy with like the milder version of envy. Like I don't think I'm envy, it's because we think envy is such a terrible emotion to have. And it's demonic and it's terrible. She should not be envy of anyone. Again, self-righteous people, I think anyways. So I like to say maybe jealousy is like that fun emotion that you have. It's not really envy because you're recognizing, you're not doing anything catty or negative, but you're still feeling this emotion of discontent and whatever. So people describe envy as like I want what you have and jealousy as I'm scared of losing something being replaced or being less than what you have. So people oftentimes attribute jealousy to relationships and partnerships and so on and so forth. So that to me, I believe is you're towing a thin line then between envy and jealousy when you feel irritated by them. And that's why I come in because I like to say, oh, I get jealous. I sell this to everyone. I think I'm upset before in a few videos. I do get jealous, but I've never felt, except for two, I'll tell you about the story. Except for a few instances, oftentimes when I feel jealousy, it's generally not from a place of feeling irritated by the person. It's oftentimes from an internal frustration with myself. And I think this is where I often, I oftentimes ask myself this when I feel that I'm ocean. I'm like, okay, what exactly am I jealous of? That's the first thing. What does this person's life represent to me? Do I want the thing or do I want the feeling I think it gives them? Am I inspired or am I threatened or am I grieving something? Is this jealousy exposing a dream I've been too scared to pursue? And that to me has always been curious. The first time I ever felt really, really jealous was with my mom and my brother. My brother is 10 years older than me. And he has, dare I say, the best relationship with my mother. Like they are two peas in a pod. And when I was born, I was born 10 years later. I was born on their very interesting circumstances. So I grew up seeing their relationship on partnership. And I always remember feeling so jealous. I wish I was that close to my mom. And that to me honestly was very unhealthy because I realized now that I ended up pushing myself away from them, especially away from my mom because I just felt like I couldn't ever have the relationship she had with my brother. And as a kid, I didn't really know where this emotion was coming from. And usually as the last child, we oftentimes don't give a fudge, right? We just do our thing. But I oftentimes realized that maybe me acting out as a kid was oftentimes because I was looking for the attention my mom gave my brother or I was looking for the, because I remember like, there was one time I was supposed to be going to high school. And my mom forgot I was supposed to go into high school. Like she thought I was still in the school I was in. And I literally was just home and she looked at me. She was like, why are you still here? And I was like, oh, because I'm supposed to be going to high school and she's like, you are. And I remember that point, like, how did you not know you have a child that is not supposed to be at home? Like you're so busy with this other kid that you don't remember me. It's just two of us. So I used to feel such, oh, why you guys? I used to be so jealous of my brother and my mom. And it was never like just jealous of my brother. I used to be jealous of them as an entity. And I remember now that, if I asked myself why it would be because I was jealous of that relationship, I wanted that same relationship my brother had with my mom and I never had it. Now, as I'm growing up, I feel like because of that, a lot of my behavior, especially being the last kid to around jealousy stems from me wanting attention from people or me wanting something I didn't have. That's the best way to explain it. I remember in high school, if I ever felt jealous about something, it was oftentimes like friendships. I really wanted to have the girl group friendships and I would see people who were with friends with people and I'm like, oh, I wish I had that. I've always been the, I wish I had that person and I would always caution myself to say, why am I saying I wish I had that? Is it because I don't like that person, I'm irritated, I'm da da da da, or is it because I want what they have? And I think a lot of people feel this emotion too. And I think we like to pretend we don't. I think it's absurd to tell me as a human. You don't look around you and go, oh, I want that. And it's not necessarily having to be a negative thing. It's just a thing. Like we're humans, we are going to compare. Now, how you take that emotion and how you use it is what's important here. I would never go and say, except for these two people. I'm gonna keep saying that. Cause there's some girls who I start to today. That jealousy I have for them, oh, I just, yo, I want to tell you about it. So I used to always struggle with that because I knew from the beginning, I did not ever want to be someone who was just jealous and then I did not do anything productive with that jealousy. Like imagine being jealous and then sitting in that jealousy. That's what envy. If jealousy is for, envy is 10 or 11 on the scale of wanting what other people have in my opinion anyways. Okay, so that's my first time ever feeling jealous about someone. Now, let me take it to the first time someone actually looked at me and I and told me they were jealous of me. Now here's the thing about the few takes that I have seen on this matter. People come from a very self-righteous perspective. I have seen so many people who I know for a fact are jealous people and who are not the kindest people or the nicest people who are like, oh yeah, this bitch is always jealous of me. Oh, this person always jealous of me. He's a lie. I've seen those takes and I'm like, people came to see, oh, everybody now is talking about how, oh yeah, someone's always jealous of you. You've been jealous of people too. Please go sit down. Okay, go on, sit down. Am I too loud if I say that? No. Okay, so this one is actually real. This one's actually jealous of me. So as a friend in college, we're gonna call her Kate, okay? I knew that Kate was jealous of me and I knew that Kate was jealous of me and it was affecting her mentally. And I swear to you, I think because of my understanding of what jealousy is and my understanding of who I am as a person to, I never faulted Kate for that. I hope this doesn't make me come off as me sounding uppity because here's the thing, I think this is just emotional awareness, I guys. People just need to be kinder more. Maybe nuance is important here. Maybe I just need to step more boundaries. I don't know. I don't know. I'm just me. That's why I'm the mother freaking audity. I just, I behaved the way I behave. As I thought I was all saying. So this is how it was me and Kate were in the same school and I always noticed that if I did something Kate would want to do it too or she would do it too, or we had very similar interests. Now I would say because of Kate's background, a lot of the things that Kate really wanted to do, she couldn't do, but I was able to do. And then over oftentimes felt like because Kate saw me succeeding in the things that she wanted to, and mind you, I also did not help matters. Okay, like I was the most loud, I told you guys I like attention. I am loud, I'm present of this, present of that, I am doing dance, I'm applying to this, I'm doing all these things. And this is somebody who's my friend who's a bit more, maybe a bit more quieter. Who I could tell really wanted things that I had to, but maybe they didn't have the proper support, they didn't have the proper mindset, all those things. And it came to a head when we would always have fights because I knew she was capable. I knew she was capable of doing the things that I was doing. And I never faulted her for not doing it. I just knew that I think our backgrounds are different. And I think this thinking has also helped me, I'll tell you why in a few minutes. This thinking also helped me because with Kate, I realized, oh, she was the one stopping herself. Like if she just let go of this emotion, she was feeling and put that into the things she wanted, she would actually do it. She would actually do the things I was doing. And I didn't feel that that was to be in competition with me. I just knew that that was the thing holding her back. So if she wanted to study political science and this is the perfect example. I knew, and I feel like she's going to know it's her when I say this example. So hey, baby, we talked about this, I promise. That's how I'm even able to say this out loud. So I knew her and I knew that she would do so well if she was a political science major. I just knew it. Like she just, she had that thing. I knew that. And the way her family was set up, her parents would not let her do police side. They would let her do. They would really want her to do, I think, biology, and they're saying, which was important because imagine you wanting something, right? And your parents would not let you have it. And then you're best friends with me. And my mom wants me to be a lawyer. So it made sense that she would celebrate me doing police side. And I was the president of the political science club, dissing this, and so not. And you were so, you're being held back because you just can't do the thing I'm doing. So I remember, like, she came to me one day. And we had some fight because I think we wanted something. And I didn't understand why she was so frustrated at me. Now I could think about why. But then I was so frustrated at her because I'm like, just do it. Like, fuck your parents. Fuck up. Just do what to do. Like, why are you whining about this thing to do the job? And I remember, she told me she was like, I can't. You have the luxury of having your mom in a different country. She's not paying your tuition, you're on a scholarship. So you can actually make all the decisions you want to make. But for someone like her, she was dependent on her parents for financial support. She was dependent on her parents for so many things. She could not go against her parents. So for me, it was like, I thought it was common sense. She could easily just do this, do that. But she couldn't because she had other things that were like holding her down. So I remember we had a conversation and she literally went, hey, oh God, y'all, it was so crazy to me because for me to remember in that conversation now, how she looked at me, she was just like, I can't be friends with you. Like, I'm jealous of you, you're holding me back because I know the life you have is what I want. And my life is stopping me from getting that life. So I can't even succeed in the life that I'm able to live because I'm constantly looking at you and comparing myself to you. And I need to give myself some space. Hey, I remember hearing her say that to me and feeling so defeated. Because for me, I'm like, no, be friends with me. Like, let's fight your parents together. Let's do these things together. Let's be friends. I also appreciated that she took the step back that she needed and realized that being friends with me wasn't healthy for her. And I think it's oftentimes unfortunate that people have to do that. But it's a reality of a lot of people. And I honestly, I might say a lot if I say people who say, oh, this is so dramatic, I can never do that. Well, thank God, thank God you can never do that. But the people who are going through that. And if you're going through that and you're listening to this, I promise you, it's okay. It's okay to see that, oh, I can't be friends with this person because they're not helping me fulfill my dreams, fulfill my goals, fulfill the things that I want to do. So I have to leave them alone so I can be better for myself. And one thing about her is I really appreciated that. I always never felt that she would sabotage me in any way. I just oftentimes felt like because of her proximity to me, she would always just feel like she was never going to succeed. And it was okay to let her go and it was okay for her to let me go. And we found ourselves later on in life actually and we spoke and she actually like did another degree in political science and she's doing better for herself. And she definitely still had some self esteem issues and I just knew that being friends with me was always going to affect that. And that was okay. Cause one thing about me is I do have self esteem. Oh, shits man. And I'm not one of those who would ever rub that in your face, but if you're going to be my friend, you have to be able to like, I'm never going to dim my light to make sure you can shine. Ideally, I would love for my light to be able to light yours, but if you are not able to accept that my light can light yours, I also respect that I want you to grow. So that's usually how I think about these things. Now, let me talk about the time I was jealous of somebody and I think, oh my God, I think my issue with jealousy is if you take two routes to go about it. Okay, so this is some tea. Grab some tea. Let me drink my water real quick. Okay, guys, so the year was some year. I don't want to give you guys too much because if you can put two and two together, but there's a creator who when I first started, went viral around the same time I did, there was three of us that went viral around the same time I did. And this creator in particular stole my content and stole another one of my friend's content and then they got bigger. And imagine this, imagine you are the pioneer or something and you do something and someone else does the same thing and you guys, the only thing does better than your thing, how that would feel, right? Okay, so this creator ends up like legit living the life I wanted. Like imagine me creating something, right? And because I created that thing, I hoped I was going to be on this show, getting this amount of followers, getting this amount of brand deals. And I looked to my left and I see the creator who took me, my personality, my thing, my voice, my words. Took it, I made it theirs, succeed it. Okay, now let's talk about how there was three of us, right? Loosely, so the three of us were doing sort of similar content, right? The let me call ABC, I'm the creator who stole the content is B, creator C, also got her content stolen, right? So A and C are looking at B and they're like, oh my God, like B is going and succeeding. Now I'm A and I think why I feel like I responded differently to that particular situation is I recognized immediately that I was jealous of this person. I remember vividly watching their content and feeling such anger, such frustration because they had the support of their family, they had the numbers, they had the brand deals, they were getting, I will have meetings with managers who would compare me to somebody who stole my content and they would tell me to behave like the person I'm like, the person who's me, the person stole my shit. And I used to feel such anger towards that person and I'm not going to lie to you. I was deep in that anger for maybe two years, maybe two years. I could not create, I stopped creating that kind of content. I'm not going to lie to you. That was one of the reasons I stopped. I just couldn't because to me, I'm like, if this person could literally replicate something that was so me in a way, then it wasn't originally mine. They can have it. Look at me and my stupid self. I imagine now if why I would think to stop my shine because somebody took my stuff, like that thinking, I wish I didn't do and I would tell you why. So this is me A, right? And that's how I responded. So I remember like, I will post content and I'll be so sad and here you guys go supporting, tagging me in this person in the same comment section, going, oh my God, you're just like this person. I love it. Oh my God, you guys are so great. Oh my God, I'm so inspired by you guys. I'm looking at you like, don't tag me with that person. I don't like that person. I don't like this person. That was me. Oh, I was filled with such envy. I remember I was filled with, I was so angry. And I felt like my anger was justified because this person was getting so much success off of stepping up with people's backs. But now here's the thing. Yes, she did that. Yes, this person did that. Yes, this person that's still in the content. They've still in the content as they've gone. Now this person is successful. Now, two, three, four, five, six years, seven years later, this person is still successful. So in many ways, at what point do you stop feeling envy and jealousy and continue to live your life? Because bad things happen to good people, bad things happen to bad people, good things happen to bad people, good things happen to good people. Like at what point do you stop feeling envy and start taking control of your own life? And for me, that was how I switched my thinking because I realized I was so stuck, yo, I will go on this person's page. I will look at their content. I'll be like, wow, oh my god. I thought of this idea. How are they doing this idea now? I thought, oh, I wanted to work with this designer. I wanted to work with this brand. I would spend hours. And I remember those one time I was in therapy and my therapist was like, oh, the time you were using to scroll through their content. Why didn't you just use that time to brainstorm your content and post it? And I was like, oh, because what if my content didn't do well? And then you post another content and another one and another one because you're a creative, you're a star. And I had to go like, oh, that's right. I could do my shit too. Now, I brought up C for a different reason. So creator C also got her content stolen. We're all friends loosely. And creator C did not react the way I reacted. And I see the impact that jealousy can have on you and how negative of an emotion it is. Because I realized that creator C always blamed creator B for their lack of success. And this was something that affected their mindset, their growth, their potential. Because if you constantly look at somebody else and say, I want what you have, you stole my shit. You'll be left in the dust. Because that person is still going bad or good or they still need the content they've gone. And you're still stuck there reliving the moment where they took what you considered yours. Because you can always create again. Because you are you no matter what. So I remember actually me and creator C had a big blow out because I tried to get them to understand that it's okay to feel jealousy and feel anger and feel envy towards this person because he has this person that you dirty. By the end of the day, how you use that jealousy, how you use that emotion is what is most important. And most people don't realize that that's the issue with having certain emotions, you know, villainized. Like, oh, you can't be jealous, that's a bad thing. You can be jealous. People feel the emotion every day. What you use the jealousy to do is different. Like with me, I immediately went, okay, I've sat in this for two years. I'm still looking at this person's content. Now this person has over a million followers. I'm still a hundred K followers. Who am I deceiving? They don't remember me. They probably don't remember that they saw this content. And karma would always happen to them when it is time. I have to just live my life and move on. And creator C has to do the same thing. And if they don't realize that this person has moved on and they need to move on to, they're going to be stuck in that cycle where all they're doing is feeling jealous and feeling sorry for themselves. And you can't live a life where you're constantly sorry for yourself and even though you feel like the universe should, you know, do it staying and champion your cause and make you do do do do do do do. Sometimes it's just how the cookie crumbles. Sometimes that's just how life works. And then what? And then what? They're going to be more people who still your ideas. They're going to be more people who make you feel less than. They're going to be more people who have the thing you have. But they're not you. They are not you. And so honestly, I think what I remember, there was one time I had had enough of me. Like I had enough of my complaining. I had had enough of my comparison. And I remember, you know, this is so bad. I remember going to that creator's page and I was like, I went and I said, okay, let me ask myself the same question and ask myself, okay, what exactly was that jealous of with this creator? I said, I'm jealous that they used my content to become successful. And I said, okay, what does that mean? I said, okay, well, this creator is wearing the clothes that I like. This creator is working with the creators that I want to work with. This creator is working with brands that I want to work with. And then I said, the next thing was, what does this person's life represent to me? And this person's life represented the dreams that I wanted to achieve. Okay. All right. Do I want the thing, or do I want the feeling that I think it gives them? And then when I said, I want the thing they have. I want this dream, like this dream that they're doing, this is lively living. I wanted, because that was the life I wanted to live. I might inspire Threat End of grieving. And this was the thing, because I was all of it. I was grieving because I thought that was the life I was meant to have. I was also feeling threatened because I felt like, what if I created something that someone else stole it now, what? But then, funny story. I ended up meeting this creator in person. And we hadn't met before this deletion happened by a medicine creator in person. And what's so funny to me is, I remember seeing this creator in action, like she was doing her thing. She was working the room. And my lights didn't dim beside her. And it's interesting, I say that, because I could have dimmed my lights. I, because no one can dim your light. Only you can. If I'd walked into that room, and I decided, oh my God, she's here. I'm going to go hide. I'm going to go be sad. I'm going to suck. I'm going to be in town. Then I would have dimmed my own light, because no one knew what was going through my head. I don't even think she knew what was going through my head. I was the only one who did. And I shine so bright that night, I'll never forget. I shine so bright that she wanted to be my friend. She was coming to me. People were coming to me, right? And I remember feeling that we could both win that. Yes, she might have stolen my content, or she might have done this shycy thing to me, or she might have not responded in the nice way. But I had to let that grief go, let that threat go, let that feeling go, to give her, notice I'm even grace, to give me breathing room to soar. And I would never forget. And I kept telling creators to see that when we had conversations, I was like, yo, once you meet this person, you realize why they're successful. Everybody I've met, who I'm jealous of, or inspired by. When I meet them, I'm like, oh, that's why you. I see it. I'll never forget, let me tell you this. Guys, so I remember this person's going to invent me one too. Me and the creator B were talking, and she showed me a notes app. And on that notes app, she had photos of influencer managers and brand PR reps that she was making sure that she would see them, so she could say hi to them. Meaning she did her research, found the people she needed to talk to at this event, and she was working, they were making sure she got all these boxes. Ehh, I wasn't doing that. I wasn't doing none of that. What, I'm terrible in names of faces. I don't remember none of these people. So I remember when I went home, I had to be like, ah, that's why she's successful. Yes, she might have stolen my contact, maybe she did this or she did this bad thing, but whatever leg up she used to get to where she's go, she wanted to go, she's maintaining it. She's working hard. She's doing her thing. Maybe she even stole that from somebody to it. That's a motorcycle, she's killing it. And if I would spend my entire life looking at her comparing myself to her, but I'm not doing half the work, she's doing to be in those rooms. If I wanted to be successful, I could be doing my shit too. I should have made sure I remember PR and eggs, but I didn't. So she's deserving at this point of everything she's getting. That changed my perspective. And I remember telling creator C that if you think like this, if you see this person, you're going to realize that, this person is not the evil wicked, which of the West. Like this person is someone who might have hurt you in the past, but you can't. You can't let past trauma affect you from your level of success that you're going to get to. And this is such a different tangent, but this is the same thing about people weaponizing their trauma even in the future, like wanting the present to, like people will say, oh, because my parents were divorced, I can't have a happy marriage. Are you mad? Yes, you can. Sorry, I didn't mean to say are you mad. Like, oh, I've been heartbroken in the past. I never want to have love again. Yes, you can. What? Oh, I just, I, someone did this to me. So I'm never going to trust anybody again. Yes, you freaking can. The past doesn't matter. It's what you do in the present that matters. That's where your future comes in. You're laying the groundwork for that. If you let things that happen in the past dictate your future, you're going to be stuck in the same cycles over and over and over again. When I tell you, when people tell me, oh, I have daddy, it's just because my daddy left me. Yeah, I did know I'd be dead. Then what? Then what? I know it's my sound so cold, but I'm telling you, when I faced that fact that, yes, this shycy thing happened to me. Yes, this person was a cause of it. But if I don't move on from this, if I don't move on from this feeling and act on it, I'm always going to be in this same position. And so the girl who was talking about her jealous friend, like, to me, it's like, if you feel like you can't be friends with someone because of how they are, let them go. And that's okay. Like, let them go. Go for it. And it's not a bad thing that you're no strong enough. The decisions you even let them go is strength. The decisions recognize that, oh, I'm feeling jealous in this moment. Even for me, the decision to realize that, oh, this person might have done something harmful to me, but they're working hard for their life. I can't fault them. We don't have to be friends again. We don't have to interact. We don't have to be in content together. But I can respect what they're doing now because they're working hard now for the life they want. And if I keep comparing myself, I'm just going to continue doing that, comparing myself. And it's so crazy because if I think back now to us, three creators, the creator be is still so successful in what they do. I'm really so successful in what I do. And I hate that I'm going to say this, but creators see is still struggling in many ways because of this idea that they're not doing well enough. And everything they had was taking away from them. And I'm telling you, I wish, I hope she's listened to this, that the moment she shifts her mindset from this was taking away from me to, I'm just going to keep focusing on me and winning. I'm telling you, her life is going to be, she might even be more successful than me or creator be. But she's so stuck in this cycle of, someone took something from me, I'm sad, I hate this person, that spirit of anger and envy and upsetiveness hasn't left yet. And I think that healing is such an important thing with regards to jealousy. Okay, the goal is not to never feel jealousy again from me. The goal is never to not feel jealousy again. In fact, I think the goal is instead to always use jealousy as an emotion to reroute the things you want and turn it into something you do want. So for me, oh, if I'm jealous because Marvela has a business, why am I jealous of Marvela having a business? Do I want a business? Probably not, actually, do I want the attention she's getting from her business? I can't say that because people might take it the wrong way. No, I'm going to keep this in because I don't want you guys to take the wrong way. This is an example. No, not that either. Oh, then why am I jealous? I'm actually not jealous. Okay, moving on. Do I, am I jealous of Jackie Aina? Yes, why am I jealous of Jackie Aina? I really want her abs. Okay, I want Jackie Aina's abs. What do I do about that? I need to go to the gym. I need to start doing Pilates. Do I do gym and Pilates? Maybe, do I do it enough? No, okay, so what do I need to do? Get into the gym, start eating healthy. Am I jealous? Okay, it's fine. No one needs to ask. No one needs for more examples. You get the point. So I think that's where my head is at. If you ever feel jealousy, recognize what that emotion is and do it. And never, ever, ever, ever feel like your hands are tied. And the only reason you should ever feel like your hands are tied is when you really can't control the circumstance or the outcome. So remember I talked about my friend Kate. Kate had to stop being friends with me because she really could not control the outcome of the circumstance. She knew that the life I lived with something she could not have in that moment. Right now, she's seen it in her face and getting slapped by it every time she chose to walk away. I missed her. She missed me, I hope. But she just understood that it was, it was not the time. And for me, through that was the same thing. I, whenever I feel this emotion, I'm always, oftentimes, always asking myself, why am I feeling this and what do I want out of the situation? All right, now let's talk about some Reddit reactions because I've been loving Reddit and I've been telling you guys to send me reactions on the website and you guys send me voicemails as well. I love that you guys have been sending me voicemail but I'm going to say you right now. You can't send me a voicemail telling me you love me. Guys, I need voicemails of you asking me a dilemma, asking me something, telling me some tea, something, an opinion, something that can react to. I know you love me, I love you too. It's something like, tell me your deepest, darkest secrets. It's only me that listens to it, I promise. Or if you want to send an email, send an email to Sophie at theaudity.com. I'm going to know who reads it to or a podcast at theaudity.com. If you have a dilemma you want me to solve or go to mytoolah.com and there should be a page where you can send something if you ever have a dilemma. I'm going to make sure that is still up. But y'all always dexay be like, oh my gosh, I just want to let you know I love you. I'm like, girls, I love you too. But like, send me to lemma. Okay, so we're going to talk a little bit about ready reactions. I'm sickly jealous of my bestie. I love my bestie so much and I generally want her to win in life. But lately everything has been going on so well for her. I don't have a problem with that. It's just that I would love the same for me. Right now it just feels like my life is stagnant. My best friend just got a big promotion. She's recently engaged and even has a mass following on various social media platforms. She's also going to be getting her MBA leader this year. In short, she's thriving and I loved that for her. Meanwhile, I am jobless. The worst part is that I haven't even figured out what I really want to do. I've never been in a serious relationship or long term relationship. I like social media and I want to build my own community but all my videos flop. I feel stuck. I wish I had my shit to get a look my best friend. Is it bad that I feel this way? Now here's the thing. Is it bad that you feel this way? No, I don't think it's everybody that you feel this way. Is it bad that you don't seem motivated to change it? Yes, because here's the thing. Everything she said, there wasn't any self-accountability there. Right now you're saying, I'm jobless and the worst part is I haven't figured out what I really want. Figure out what you really want. Your jealousy comes probably from a lack of direction. If you know what you want, you are going to. You're going to, I promise you, your life is going to change. And then also talking about how you want to build your own community, but all your videos flop. Probably because maybe your motivation is misguided. If you're motivated by what this other person has, which is what you have, you're probably going to feel stuck. You're probably going to feel like you're not doing the right thing. You're not in the right space. But I did it today. I think if you focus on you, you're going to get it. Like guys, comparison is the thief of joy. Comparison is the thief of joy. You're like, right now I look at what she's saying. And I'm like, okay, you're secretly just on your bestie, but you don't have a job. You're not trying to do anything. Your videos stuck. You feel like shit, but you don't seem motivated. Like you don't seem like, oh, because she has this, I want to get this to like you seem more. So I hate that you have this. And then you decide, I know, no, you can change your circumstance. So just change it. Okay, next one. I'm insanely jealous of my boyfriend's best friend help. My 21 female boyfriend, 21 mil has a female best friend. Let's call her Kate. Okay, I had no problems with her in this sort of a relationship. We've been dating for a very year now. She's actually really nice and we get along quite well. However, a few months ago, I would notice how my boyfriend would always say things like, Kate is so funny, Kate is so good at driving. Can't such a good sense of fashion. He would also always compliment her outfit and then look over to me and say, you look really good to it. As if he just said it doesn't make me feel bad or something. One night we were hanging out with Kate. I went with her friends passing a journey around. And my BF skips me in the circle and hands it's okay. This upset me because I felt like I was being overlooked. I spoke to him after this and asked if there was something going on and there's something in the past. He said something minor happened when they were 13, but nothing since. I don't have any reason to believe he's lying. I put a bit of weight the last couple of months so someone might close him fit in more. Kate has a perfect body. He brings myself a steam down even more. The last moment my jealousy is just going out of control. I feel this deep hate for her and I know I shouldn't. She's nice for her friends. I have dreams about my boyfriend cheating on me. The last three years with Kate, I feel like I'm a psycho for getting jealous. I don't want to feel like the same anymore. I'm pleased if anyone is going through the same thing. How do you get over this feeling? Leave your boyfriend for kids. I'm sorry, okay. Well, I feel like we've been talking about jealousy from like a career, friendship, point of view. And we've not spoken about jealousy from a relationship point of view. I'm a jealous B-I-T-C-H. Do not play with me. Okay. Also, fun fact. I am the friend. I'm the female friend you never have to worry about. And I say this with my chest. I'm like, this is not pick me up. This is facts. I'm a girl's girl through and through. Every single man who's my, who's my friend, best friend knows I don't play. Like if you have a girlfriend, then I'm not going to be best friends. And in fact, if you guys break up, I probably will leave you for her. That's how I move. So, when if I see conversations like this happening, I always oftentimes say that the man is the issue. I support women's rights and wrongs. The man is the issue. Because if the man is not putting boundaries in place, that's why you feel jealousy. That's why you feel envy. And you just need to walk out of that situation. You don't need to, I don't know. I'm sorry. She didn't say she wanted to leave. I'm just saying. Because for me, I already, already get jealous. Okay, so I was talking to this person, right? And they are really close with most of their exes. Like I mean, close as in like, they're going to the exes house to sleep over her. They're hanging out with their exes. There was one of my exes at the time that, he had one ex, well, not really an ex-boy, a friend, a female friend who, she's talking to him on FaceTime and she's in a towel rest now. Me stuff, I have towel. Me stuff, I want to move my, I swear relationship so feels so different. I am so possessive. But to me, that was a lack of boundaries on both their ends because you don't need to be putting me in that situation to feel jealousy. Because no, absolutely no, let's not play, let's not play, get. Anyway, so to her, I say, I think your boyfriend is the issue. It's always the man. Because I don't think, from what I'm seeing, Kate is not doing anything. It's mostly the guy who's making these conversations, mixing, it's only the guy who's making this issue even a bit more than it should be. So maybe you have a conversation with your boyfriend where he needs to set that boundary or make you feel better, reassure you. Because I think that's oftentimes what it is. With my girlfriend, I remember those guys who I'm really, really close to, that's my twin. And when he had a girlfriend, she was always very cautious of me because me and him were very close. I mean, we're FaceTiming for hours, we're traveling together, we're hanging out, he's sleeping over in my house. And for me, if that was my guy or that was my girl, I would want to make sure this girl was okay. Because at that point, what's going on? So I made sure I was friends with her, I would face to whenever he was there, call your girlfriend, let her see where I am. Let her see what I'm wearing, let's see what I'm doing. So she feels safe enough that like nothing is going on. I'm very active and intentional about making sure if I'm the extra girl in the relationship, especially my male best friends that they feel comfortable because I think that is important. And for me, with regards to jealousy and relationships, I think there's healthy jealousy and unhealthy jealousy. Jealousy in the sense that I think we talked about this earlier, let me find the definition real quick. Because the honest definition of something is I'm scared of losing something being replaced or being less than what you have. And in relationships, that's oftentimes what it is. Like from jealous of my, you know, my girl talking to someone is because I'm like, I don't want you to think they're better than me and leave me alone. Like, no, I don't want you to do that. So I'm jealous. Or you're telling me about some ex used to have who had the best kuchi and you're like, oh my god. She was so great. I'm like, okay. Mia, gubap kuchu, it's not like that's a kind of vibe. I be on. But then I have to realize first of all, I'm irreplaceable. If you want to go back to someone, go back to the person. Because then clearly, let me tell you something, I'm the best you would ever have. And the story, I'm the best you would ever have. So if you're thinking of going back to someone who you've had in the past, go for it. Go for it because you just lost out on me and that's none of my business. That's how I navigate jealousy relationships. I do get jealous too because I love jealousy as an emotion in relationships. I think it's sexy. It's very possessive. It's like, who's that? Why are you talking to her? Why don't you snapchat? I might talk sick a bit, yes. Please, I can say balance. This life, nobody's mad at my Mary Magdalene. I don't know if that's the right thing. I'm not really religious like that. Anyways, but yeah, guys. So yeah, that's my whole stick on jealousy. I hope you learned something from this because I just got for a really long time. I think jealousy is a natural emotion and how you use jealousy or how you take your jealous feelings and use them for good is what's important here. So if you're the jealous friend, if you're the person who oftentimes struggle with jealousy, someone who struggles with envy, never sit in that feeling, learn to navigate that feeling and figure out how you can make it better. Most of the times, if people you're comparing your life to, they have their own shit going on. Like you can't tell me that, oh, this person has what you have, but that person has four family members and you have one. Well, that person has joined their life and you have zero joy. Oh, what I'm saying at this point. My thing with jealousy, especially is you can't keep comparing your life to people's whose lives you don't really know. So you are constantly doing yourself a disservice if you think somebody else has something you have because they probably don't. They probably have their own demons, they're wrestling with. So take the time to just simply live your life. Okay, fuck jealousy. Take charge of your own life and never, never, ever, ever, ever, ever let anyone dim your life. Okay, guys, guys, I never mind too loud. The podcast is Sophie, aka the motherfucking Audity. I've been told that you guys like my voice, so for the rest of my bear, yo. I have a cold still, bro, it's okay. I'm in traveling between Philly and New York so my cold is so bad. But yeah, guys, send me lots of love. Let me know what you think about this episode in the comments. I love you guys so much. Like I didn't know once you recorded this episode and after I recorded it, I just feel like this was a really fun episode to record and I'm getting into my own person. So I love you very much as always and I'll see you guys in my next episode. Talk later. Bye, guys.