I Found my Little Sister Online - Ep 28

Hey, I'm fam. Hey, pod fam. Welcome back to my to love the podcast. It's Sophie aka the Motherfripping Audity. Hi guys, welcome to another episode in Wednesday. That means I'm spending your Wednesday with me. I am so honored. I'm so excited. I also don't think I've told you guys that we've actually hit a ton of milestones on the podcast socials and just like on our episodes in general. So shout out to hitting 10,000 followers on Instagram and TikTok. Shout out to hitting about 6,000 or 5k subscribers on YouTube times of getting monetized in the YouTube partner program on YouTube as well. I love you guys so much. Thank you for watching and listening. And I hope you guys have loved our episode so far. I think the craziest episodes we've definitely recorded was last week episode we've done old. That was a fun episode. We talked all about masturbation. So that was fun. I just feel like my to love is getting into like a niche of its own. We're growing slowly, but we're growing and our building our community so strong. Like the fact that I don't stress anymore about like podcast downloads or anything. Cause I'm just like I'm just winging in having fun means so much to me. There's no other podcasts like this freaking podcast. So I am so grateful as I was brainstorming episodes to do while just planning the month. I love our guests that we've had on the episodes of all. But just been people who were like so special to me and who were connected to me. And because if you're watching this, I am probably in London right now. So don't forget to comment down below in this episode. Who you want me to interview or chat with in London that you know is my friend or you feel like I can be friends with because I'm really, really, really excited to go to London and visit some folks and just hang out with people. I say all that to say your girl is going to be in London. I'm really, really fucking excited. I'm really just pumped to like party and turn up and just hang out and stuff like that. But also I have a special guest because one of the things that makes me feel like my community online is just really special is because I think I have a very interesting relationship with people who follow me. And I think when I first started content, I just never thought that like I wanted to be an influencer. I literally was just sharing because I definitely didn't an outlet to share. And I think because of how I started social media, a lot of people who started following me before 2020 because that's important to know people who follow me before 2020 followed like Sophie, like Sophie who was in college navigating shit. Like if you watch my old vlogs and just my content online, I was very like, this is me. Like this is exactly what I'm thinking. My website still has blog posts from the girl who was always smiling, going through life as a black girl in a PWI. Like I used to be going through it. So I think because of that, I built a very interesting parasocial relationship with a lot of my audience at that point, which leads me to today's guest because the amount of comments and conversations I have about this person is so special. So introducing my adopted little sister, Amatalani Adunee, also known as Trinite online. Hi, baby. Oh my God. Hi, guys. And what is crazy is I think most people might have found out about our connection through this damn vlog. You posted it. Oh my God. Where she was like, she's going to be a PA for a day in New York for a black creator. And it was people just I think that video went super viral. And then like everyone was like, Oh my God. Like who is that? And then he was another video where you talked about me being a big sister. And we're like, Oh, you know, you have a sister. And even doing so well online right now, you have 100,000 on TikTok. Yeah. You're getting brand new. She was sitting here right now. She got a brand deal. Like I'm just so proud of her. And she's definitely like someone I really want on the podcast because she's a huge part. Are you crying? I'm stuck. You're looking good. Like don't piss me off. So it was going to be a fun episode. I was like, why not have so let me come on the podcast and chat with me for a bit. So you guys get to know my adopted little sister. Now, let me say something real quick. I have very strong boundaries for sure with fans and folks who love me. I love you very much. But I think like through this episode, you see how similar we both are. And now I could peep that from the beginning to how like we started bonding. Oh my god. We definitely like we met online. Yeah. So we're going to talk about this. So we're going to talk about this. I'm going to introduce her. So are you recording? Yes. This is the historical moments, guys. Are you kidding me? It's so random because like she was at my hotel yesterday. And I was in the shower and I hear my voice. And I'm like, what are you doing? She's like watching my podcast. And I'm like, so many of you are like everything I'm saying in that podcast. You know it was like you basically are like you live in my life. She's like, yeah, but like I still enjoy watching about she watches the vlogs. Watches my podcast out. And I think when I see my friends and family like watch the blood. It's such a weird feeling because like, why? Because you know, you know what's happening. I don't know. It's just it's just like, okay, I've heard of it. But how would you tell us like I would you tell like the friends? Yeah. I don't I'm still going to watch you. Even videos that like I helped you shoot. I was still going to watch it in the background watching the show. And I'm like, you're literally beside me, right now. Like you know exactly what happens. Which means it's also support, which I love you. And it's not like you could tell it's not fake support. Actually, it means a lot to me. And like saying you shine and thrive has been so special. So I'm so proud of you. Thank you so much. You cannot be complaining. You don't take compliments too. So exactly. I wasn't safe. I know because if I do the same thing, you yell at me. Anyways, moving on guys. Yes, guys. Anyways, I can introduce yourself. Okay. Tell them. Tell the people how we met. How we met. Okay, we're starting from there. Hmm. Guys. No, I have a voice notes to play for you guys. Your voice notes. Yes. Okay. First, I'm going to start the first time I texted Sophie was October 5, 2020. And I think she had posted something about, I don't know, 2019 was a very interesting year for you. As I said, that was a small face. So I need to say 2019 into 2020 was a very interesting time. So I'm going to read the first message I ever sent to you. And then I'm going to play a voice note that I feel like is the core of this relationship. Okay. So. No, guys, I did not. Okay, I'm so scared now. Okay. So should I do the message first? So she does just play the voice note. I should play the voice note. Oh my god. You. Is it your voice? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. I found your page. You know, I am 16, 20, 17 next week, but I found your page like last year beginning. And oh my gosh, I was so depressed. I was so depressed. I don't know. I don't know. But I cannot remember the last time I like genuinely smiled. And I don't know how I found the page because I never like followed because I just want to see the story. But you're so we popped up. And that was when you were trying to do oh, Megan, the star there on the starridge dance. And I smiled for the first time. I was crying. We didn't say anything. Sophie, you were literally just trying to do a dance. And I saw you and I started crying and laughing. That's the weight of all your work. Like that's not okay. So bye guys. Sorry. Yeah. That was what I was saying. Like I spoke so differently a couple of years ago. She had such an African immigrant who just came to America accent that you get all the time. I was trying to figure it out. That's so adorable. I love you. And come into your own person now. The background of this was you were I think you're going to like a couple of things then. But you would always like post videos talking about you and not making us proud in your story. And that used to piss me off. And like even for I sent more voice. No, I sent you like five or something like that. Yeah. You sent a video. That was like that. You sent a video. And I was like like we don't even deserve this. Like what you showed us. Like stop telling us sorry. And here's the message was basically I said I'm replying to what you said. I was like faltered question mark filled question mark. Are you kidding me right now? Leaving up to who you became successful or role model or motivation. Of course you want to be better. And that is fine. But feeling us I think not. This is not even to hype you up. But it's for you to know that you just being you is aptness to me and a whole lot others. It's just a fact. And no don't live up to what people some people want you to be. It is what you want to be. I could kill us about any other person after you and I you and you're also human beings. So we don't expect you to always be hyped because then that will actually be fake. So yes. Oh this is our ready for 2021. Thanks for reading this for. Yeah. That is so much love. But like guys Sylvie is such a core of whatever the heck I was going through 2019 because I have been falling since 2019. But I never like texted. I was just be watching every day. I'm just like wow. This woman is just living our best life smiling despite this whole BS going on in the world because that was current time. And Quanta was just it was too much. It was too much for me. And yeah. And then I started texting you text back. I'm like wow. I'll hype you up in the comments. I'll reply to your story. Your reply. I haven't put the notification up. I'll be angry if anybody forced me to comment why you forced me to comment. Like I was really complete. She was like very much like me. I was so long. Yeah. I was so long where oh jeez. And Kaffee too was that as well. Like it's just interesting to see like the relations. I've I don't know what it is. But I can always just like tell people who generally could relate to what I was going through. And especially because I don't have any younger sisters. So for me, I was always seeking out like that sisterly life or role model. And because of especially with the way I was thinking then, I think finding you finding Boussala and finding Kaffee at that moment was very like I think I even sort of followed you all or like started following like being of speaking to you guys around the same time. It was really interesting. I like the like and I don't even know how like how to be get from there. It's like you come into my house for my birthday. Great. So it was your birthday. That's so random to me. No, but here is what happened. I you mentioned in the vlog or something that you're going to throw up already. And I was like if you don't send me an invite, I'll be angry. So you sent the invite based off of I know you can't come, but I'm sending this atop. I you want to send the invite. And I reached out to Motu. And before this, you did a birthday and I told her like she needs to get you cake and I was like kind of so. So I was like, Oh, is it okay to come? This is actually insane. Like guys, this is not normal. Oh, me and my mom too. I was like mom. I love this woman on the internet. She's literally helped me to do every. Yeah, just no, you did not. I didn't speak because I came so price. Wait, really? Yeah. I don't remember any of this. Yeah. Why? And then oh, no, I'm bugging. No, I had to. I had to have spoken to your mom. There's no way as an African mother. I feel like I think I think. Oh, wait, I think I reached out to Motu. Yeah. And then she had to check in with you. She had to check in with me. And then my mom came into the picture and she had to speak to my mom. I feel like I still want to be like, yeah, so it's fine. I promise. She's okay. And it was like fun for you to come. And then I think for me, I do not invite anyone into my house of space, but I feel something so special about you. And I'm gonna say that no, I'm really special. I'm not saying I'm not saying that. But I could just like, you generally reminded me so much of me. And I think even like now we're sitting here, Donald was like seeing us interact. And we're very like, if I had like a low twin low sister, like, it would literally be telling you like, I could just tell from then on. And then when you came to my birthday, you were so respectful, you're so sweet. It was like, I wish you were like me when I first come to America. And I had no fucking idea what I was doing. And you were just like, and I just, I was so proud of how hard you worked. I was like, no, I wanted to tell you. And I feel like I always pour that into you like, you're so smart. She currently goes to school at Stanford. Like, you're doing so well. You're about to be a senior. She just turned 21. Yes. You're just doing so well. I'm like, what do you grow from? I think I'm, yeah, I met you with 17. That's crazy to be now. I'm like, yeah, I think you selfishly, you are like proof sometimes that I'm doing the right thing. Yes, you are. Yes, you are. Like, it will be like, I'm literally a living like, yeah, the voice notes. I can't you know, I think it was the voice of like crying in my cup, but like my one drop that like, guys, you're so amazing. You're so amazing. Whatever. Like, I was, I don't know. And it's just, you know, when Sophie smiles, there's, if who are you, that you're not smiling? You have to smile. You have to smile. If you don't know how to take compliments or comments, I don't know to do any of this. I'm literally physically wanting to cry. You're so dramatic. And she does that too. And so I tried to like give a compliment. She started saying, no, I'm a drama queen. And I was like, yes, I did dramatic in school. I have a watch for it. I remember this time she said, it's I sent her a picture of my award. That's it dramatic interpretation. First place. This is what I do for a living over the course of the past five, five, five years now. Yes, we sort of like built like a sister ship relationship. And we generally just met online. I think I've had a bunch of friends who have met online too. So I don't think it's like pretty much weird or strange. Yeah. It definitely like I think for me, it was in very intentional having you in my space. And I think you've been such a pitiful part of the Audities growth. And like whenever I needed some feedback around my content, I liked that like you were someone who I can like reach out to. And I knew like you would generally have an input, but also like seeing you just do so well in school, like getting into college, navigating your experience. It just made me feel like, oh, I have a little sister that I can like be like in her life and help in any way. Like I need to. So you literally just you just became my baby sister from like being a fan. I guess online too. I'm a sports baby sister. She's a very, very I'm telling you. I just anybody this well who is spoiled by me. It's it's me. It's me. It's me. I'm telling you like my mom would come and be like, oh, I was telling me does she need anything? It's okay. What's going on? Did you ask for me? Like what is happening? So even like I think of like, you know, my mom, you've met my mom, didn't care about my mom. Like I've made your mom. I'm busy your house too. Like it feel like we've actually like built a relationship past. Yeah, online, online stuff. She was just saying before this episode, this is an extreme example of what a parasocial relationship could be guys. But I don't think it's the same. I think it absolutely started as one. Maybe not. I'm watching both of you like finish each other's sentences. You see what I'm saying? Okay. Did you see that? You just made the same head movement. I think you guys can see me okay. That was behind the camera. Really? That's so interesting. It's it. Yeah. Even our glasses weigh. Imagine. Okay. This is going to be so interesting guys. I feel like we have similar, such similar. Like both your back girls. Yes. We're both like pretty like smart. We're both in like what did English is. Yeah. Like when school became to America with very interesting circumstances. Like we both have very interesting family dynamics. I think also the way you said, like once in like a little sister. Yeah. Because for me, my blood sisters are like in Nigeria. I've not seen them in like it's years. So like come to America and not knowing what the heck to do. And then I have somebody that I've gone through. It's like please tell me. It really felt like everything I was going through. You were going through too. And I might be going to like guys, we're doing some social strategy and they were like, okay, if I had a core audience in my head, it was literally someone who was tall any in like the craziest way. Like I mind you, the team, the social media team who did this didn't even know you existed. So like I don't know. I said to you the yeah, I read it. Yeah. It like came up with like an ideal and I told this to anyone who wants to be a creator that as you're starting out or you just want to share something online, picturing your head who you're talking to. Like and I think at that stage, I was especially even ever, right? I have an idea of the person I am talking to in my vlogs and my videos and my content because I know that I wish that I had someone telling me all these things. And so in many ways when they brought that social strategy, I remember me and they're like, oh my god, this is telling me to the tee. And it was like someone who like is educated or is in school who's navigating life who might have been an immigrant who's a black girl who's young who's 20 something or this and that. And I was like, oh, I literally have my ideal sort of like audience because and again, that's where my content is the way it is because of this idea of like being that big sister or being this like that person you can come to if you need anything. And I feel like you help me stay grounded. And like it makes it feel like my audience is tangible. Like because you exist in my life, it makes sense. Like when I'm doing experience, having experiences, I know like a picture you in my head and you're actually a real person who exists too. When was the time you were like, hmm, that's my little sister, when did you start seeing me more than a fan? Oh, I don't like that question. I never saw you as a fan. Actually, that's actually like I should avoid that question separately because you do not refer to us as fun. Like the odd fun in general, like we've always been fun. Yeah, it's like I don't I don't every I don't think and it's just crazy because I don't think I do have fans or maybe if I do the people who come up to me when I'm out who say stuff like, oh my god, you're oddity, right? Or like I watch a TikTok, you're oddity, right? Like I think those are my say are fans because I don't think they know me past just an idea of who I am on social media. I think folks who's refers to me as Sophie or folks who like watch my vlogs specifically, like if you sit down and watch all my vlogs and I have about 200,000 subscribers on my YouTube, but I think like at the core I might have like 5000 solid people or like 3000 to 5000 solid people who like I feel like are fan. Yeah. These people who are like on my odd fan channel on Instagram, folks who like are following me on Snapchat who like when Sophie pulls something they write diligent captions on stuff and I have responses to them like folks who have responded in DMs who we have conversations like I think those are fam and I think social media can be such a good tool because I definitely feel like I have that personal relationship with my fam like my odd family. How did you balance that though? Like because you would have stopped. I've stopped. Like I don't think I do it as much as I used to and I think I've passed that. I don't think there's anyone, I don't I don't know if this is a good or a bad thing. I don't think there's anyone now who is a new follower who might get the same attention. I used to give people now. I don't think so. I just think because like it's just a lot more than I have. Yeah. Before I think whenever like we started talking I was like 10,000, 20,000 followers and to me that was even crazy and it was too much to handle and like now like they're in certain names that like jump out to me like there's Kennedy on YouTube. There's five. Five. Five. Five. Oh my god. Five. Yeah. It's five. A TikTok and YouTube and Snapchat everywhere. Everywhere. I am her but I don't really know where her name is Philippine yours. I am her and my Snapchat. Kaffee of course is just almost everywhere. There's a carry task. You know, I mean like people who like I know they're like handles and their names like I know their stories and they're like famed to me in so many ways and I think those people are special and for you I think I think it was when you came to my birthday. I don't think I've never thought about you as a fan by different thought about you as like a younger like sister-ish stuff type of thing. When you came to my birthday and you were very intentional about like being supportive and then you weren't weird like you didn't get you know what true we're weird like it just you fit in and I also think it was big that you were an Nigerian because I think you also I have the culture. I'm also very I'm a very your back girl like auntie right now okay like I am I am very in tune with my culture I I like the way Trevor Noah is very South African I am very Nigerian. I'm able to mask that and assimilate into American culture and like put on this accent that sometimes can be mixed like I am a normal Nigerian because I come out before the most part I am very Nigerian so there's certain values that as a European Nigerian girl I have that I saw really early on in telling that she had so it also helped us sort of have that dynamic too like you're super respectful very honest very open you were very I think was respect was the biggest thing for me because like that's very huge like you come to tone yeah it says the tone for the relationship but you didn't do too much you never did it you never did too much so I think it made me even more comfortable to be like oh okay I can let my guard down and then everything I did say you never said it out to anyone that I knew of like you weren't like you didn't run your mouth and go say some shit and like I was like where did that come from I was going hi guys let me tell you real truth yeah it wasn't a matter of like let me say the T about this person it was just like you know you just you just were there which I really appreciate it okay so what is the craziest comment you've ever gotten about me and vice versa ah so for me it was the the video that I got what's called the video where it's like the video I just did I think the beginning of this year I was like taking your clothes oh um you don't see what you don't see why nobody act like you don't see why nobody like you where I'm like taking clothes yeah do it in your act yeah somebody had commented and you were like oh this is our Nigerians are they just see somebody and suck the life out of them and I was like okay delete I'm never gonna see like I'm second light of you because I'm like taking clothes from you like oh like I'm just there because and I'm like do you guys even know us you don't know us yeah but it was just like a very I was just like a who I like I was like are you I can see that everything okay at home like if you want to get clothes to you can you can ask people for give you we like don't come at me I'm so strange no I'm like the weirdest one I've gone is just like someone left a comment on my youtube channel whether like how can I be a colony and I like you better than her like I would treat you better than she does like it was just a very like long-winded like why did you choose her and not me oh oh okay yeah it was very weird I just did you said you know you do you do stuff for my account see one thing I learned about one thing I learned from you delete comments you don't like delete I block you for a lot guys like I'm not I don't have internet I did it's my phone is my audience I'm telling you like people like oh I never get bad comments I don't know I do I just delete them like I block people like expeditiously say something too stupid I'm gonna block you all right guys for today's episode the whole point wants to do like a little like big sister little sister moment bringing you my little sister on screen she's gonna ask me some questions because she's in a unique spot where like if I think of the ideal audience for the pod she's one of them or like the core of that audience so hi guys this is tolamine hello guys my name is oh what's alani and I'm 21 years old I just turned 21 so it's very exciting very exciting guys and I'm a rising senior at Stanford University double major in psychology and communication want to be a media psychologist both are content creator on the site I love making videos I love yapping to the camera so yeah that's all about me for now okay so this is gonna be fun I ask you all your questions let's get it okay so actually I'm gonna start with this one so I'm also I moved here when I was 13 so I'm an immigrant just like you so me being an immigrant that went to high school here and still I still found it hard to like find community like how did you find community and your people in college I think it was the hardest thing for me and I'm still you know this I'm still trying to find community either at the stage but I think I prioritized what I wanted and people who at equal values is me and I think it's a learning curve okay like don't rush it so how do I explain this when I first came to America I was 17 or 18 years old I went straight into college and college helps you find like you know African students association black students association all that stuff but I definitely was very interested in just finding people who were cool and fun who were interested in things I was interested in so I think I when I first got here that's exactly what I just I was just like open being open to new experiences and for a lot of Africans coming into America sometimes we're not the most open because we have certain rhetoric about black Americans white people in this country about America in general so I think what helped me assimilate and find different types of people to be friends with was I was very open so I tried new things until I need to know try anything new like we're learning so leading and I think you're at the age just like me when I didn't try anything and then I'm 28 now and I've tried almost everything and I still do it's a learning curve so I'm not like I don't yell at her for it like don't just offer to some ugly ass nasty ass kagel corn shit ass no steers terrible don't say those things almost poison my soul but yeah it's your fucking truck it looked wrong it was discussing I don't know why you said yes to it exactly you didn't want to say yeah discuss it cuz but it was nasty but suddenly said no she wasn't gonna try it and if when I was your age I would have absolutely said no and I tried it discussing would never try it again but I would try stuff okay not the same rhetoric I have for community then was I would try to be friends I would make the effort now that also means that there was a lot more opportunities for people to hurt my feelings and not be good to me to break me that I know I tend to anyways but I think that also made me stronger because I learned a lot of lessons along the way one thing about you then I'm gonna call out is you're very just like me very hyperbolic so you take one thing and you make you very very big right so like you're like oh like this friend said I'm wicked so that means all friends think I'm wicked I'm terrible person and I'm not good but it's also an age thing I think all right so when I was 21 2019 so one told me I was wicked I thought I was wicked because see that's very interesting because me I would just think you're the problem okay good that's good do you just stick to that because I'd always thought like I would I would always think like I was providing it to fix it so I guess that's like my source your star sign I'm a tourist oh I love tourists I see them but yeah I'm honestly like this happens all the time yeah a lot of people guys may I feel like may and birthdays for Sophie is like why is everybody's birthday the same week everyone is close to me is all they're all tourists like every single all of them but we go we go together real bad we do go to but the point is yes I think just trial and error is how you become into here because you don't you don't have the opportunity to have connections and I've seen how that has affected your luck yeah Stanford where you're like oh like I want kids have yeah but that's okay you don't need to have 20 I'm telling because as long as you are and I feel like you have that personality where you're like the sun see that's the thing right around you and that's okay let them hate let them hate baby girl like I spent too long I attempting to trick myself other people stop because literally the next question is do you ever feel the prejudice to shrink yourself look at you guys this is what we're saying do you ever feel the prejudice to shrink yourself to fit in and I'll get asked the version of yourself presented in college yeah it's like oh too much man like I'm a cancer I'm a cancer moon you don't know what that means I don't know what to mean guys I'm just letting my head I'm a cancer son Leo rising pices moon or something like that I've a lot of water in my chart and I also care a lot about what people thought about me would you do but I think you also like are very strong because I think you're you're not in a place where like I think it's stronger when it's people I care about yeah and I fuck it I was I mind you people I care about I didn't care what it thought about me because I knew me okay like I was like if I care about you you know me well enough to know I would never be a certain type of person but then while you start hurting me is people who didn't know me I cared so much about what people thought about me and throughout growing up I always just I wanted to be liked so bad in my terror time in college like I would extend myself to the max to try to be liked and it ended up biting me in the ass so many times because I would say things or do things that I didn't want to or I would might promise something and then not do it because I just really didn't want to but I was too scared of like the outcome so shit like that I would always I would always like do and then they always giving this reputation of someone who was like not to be trusted hmm it was only because like I was so scared to not be liked like I wanted to be liked so bad so I would shrink myself like I wanted to be like SGA president or this and that and then I have friends who say why are you trying to do too much so I'll still give me best shouldn't apply maybe I shouldn't try maybe I should just be quiet guys oh you want to be American so bad maybe I should do this so that was like a lot of my formative years in college I still killed it and I did everything I wanted to do but shit I was always wrestling with myself and you could always tell that in my social content yeah I want to say I was wrestling with myself because I knew my potential but I didn't other people would affect my potential and even like to right now like my decision of not having a place to stay I would I'm asking my community what they thought and I was letting their opinions dictate what I wanted because I also care again so much about how they what we think because the you guys matter to me but then I then I'm today I'm realizing people just would love me like yes if I told them to do what we're doing that's what we're doing if I open their doors like an opportunity for opinions that's when the floodgates happen yeah so I'll say I definitely shrunk myself a lot and I always felt it and my advice to anyone who feels like pressure especially in college it's just realized how important you are and how much you need to love yourself so you can't pour from an empty cup yes so like if you're shrinking yourself you're limiting yourself to so much more but the moment you allow yourself grow and pour into yourself and just stand your ground like I used to be so jealous of the girls who didn't let anything shake them because those are the girls I was like injured like they were so cool like oh this person would do what she wants to do and I was like wow how do you like just make that decision that's literally I mean school right now it's good yeah almost done they're gonna be almost done guys super ready to be done she's been 17 bro I'm like are you almost 21 yeah oh my god they're on those times that we'd have events to go to she was so young just wait I'm just so 17 year old baby she was such a baby boy you're like 21 are we took our first shot together yesterday that was been looking forward to that no it's not bad things guys it's like 21 things like did I tell you to go and drink it but so no she didn't tell me because you're still very like like African auntie like someone would think like how open that you are and how open-minded to train things you would think that's how you would let me be open-minded to train things but you're like oh wait he found no I've never been there that's it I just want to be there to watch it so I know what happens that's true right I got a boyfriend without I got a boyfriend and got a boyfriend after I think you do things without telling me first and this is that's my issue it's like at least tell me so I know well I come and tell her when everything crashes well you know what's crazy ask any of my friends were older than me that's exactly what I do okay who's will tell you this every time like if I look at you see if I look at what I was gonna tell you if I look you're in who does this she gets my friend's reason she's all like older than me and I feel like honestly we have the same age guys sort of relationship too and I'm telling you like I'll be doing some shycy shit and I just don't tell her and slam down and I'll be like oh by the way I did this and she's like Sophie like what's grandma at least I've told you so you can't yell at me and that's exactly she do all the time and I'm like you know I just want to know so she got a boyfriend and I was like you why when did you start getting away do you have a crush it just shook me we never discussed this we always ever discussed school and friendships and then the mind is in the situation now when do we get to this I feel like women are so we are so we are so flimsy a boy like what do you like who do you like how do you like like what's great oh it was very I was shocked I'm totally I called all my friends out there I was like yes she did she face time everybody I said the reason to understand this Tony has a boyfriend like how dare she and I didn't know about the I didn't know the I don't know what a man look like but I will say the man doesn't exist right now because I feel like if it's a good man she would have known to introduce me that's how you know that you ought to be good very true so sorry to the guy so if you're watching this I end up being Tony's boyfriend if she doesn't introduce you to me that means you're not going to last long and my friends like you know the I don't know if this is like a Nigerian then like you know when like your friends or like any guy friend is so scared of your older sister because when the my ex-guy best friend situation to happen and I think we did a video together and Sophie called me who is this guy like why is he who is this guy and then you texted him and only saw was a blue check mark he got so I guess he said who are you I tell you she's core she's core super protective and she was like oh the guy called me and he's like Sophie's in my DM and he was like yes ma I didn't know I did that I feel like that was so conscious I'm I'm not sorry she's not I stand on there mm-hmm I know that and I like it so close out this TikTok with this boy Larry I'm looking at you and I just really come out I was like what the fuck is this I need you I know so you called me that's a liar so before I said let me just but some of this time who you are what what's going on here I'm very protective guys I don't play a part I don't have on my friends too though don't understand I mean behind the camera right thank you what you say true like that right mm-hmm whatever okay moving on guys I am like I swear like I'm so protective guys I the people I love I yeah you go to war I go to war for the room for school what was the craziest roommate situation oh you experienced and how do you do like how would you advise like people to do it like weird not weird but like I guess it's been open-minded too but going to college and just having some random person you're living with asked to be insane but like you know I was at RA with most of college I never had a roommate and the roommates I did have before I became an RA we're like cool they're like normal people so I never really had that I had a weird roommate relationship after college actually or we just like it ended up working out but I just learned that like you can't only control your space and I think what I used to struggle with is I felt like I just wanted to help I just wanted to help you do I just wanted to figure it out for you I want to do this I want to do that and I realized I can't always do that for people who don't want it like you can't help people who don't want to be helped so once you give yourself that piece of mind as long as the things they're doing doesn't affect you you keep at it when it starts affecting you find ways to mitigate the situation just so you can survive it because there's some things in life that you can just can't control with college like you don't live by yourself yeah you can afford to there's so many things that just going to have to be in that situation is how to deal with it I can see your face I'm guessing you're upset and you don't want that's yeah I know it's hard like it's just the dynamic it's like having to be in an unfortunate situation just like dealing with it I feel like you do with like difficult situations like so much but I don't know you're able to like retain and like manage anger how we sorry I don't know if I can say that's I was about to say so no I feel like it takes a lot to get me hungry I would read books on your head I'm not gonna don't know because I feel like you the closest person to me like in recent time yeah yeah I've never been like oh my god guys it's been so insane talking to Sophie and Donald because any smothering it's just about age it's just age like guys leave me alone can you just be dramatic with me okay I think the thing is like Sophie doesn't care as much as people think now she doesn't now she doesn't see what before she does everything has ever done has been for itself that's a lie no no no I don't agree with that anger anger comes from like some disappointing you it's like it's so much that is so true the only person in recent time that's going to be angry is my current situation that's one of the only people in life I'm actually giving a fuck about that's so true that's so right oh my god I really don't care like I'm only ever going to anger my best friend and like like she's yeah okay all right everything else she should be angry at herself for that's literally you okay okay that's why yeah so I'm very good so that's the thing I really you're so right really don't give a fuck huh it's all the time and like I like hearing it from people who are in close proximity for you so guys were basically saying if the whole bit to hear you right okay but basically to explain to folks because I think we're just yeah we're not taking it to the podcast um I navigate anger very interesting because I don't get angry I don't care enough about people's opinions or things or like things just right off of me like I genuinely genuinely have to care about you to be angry at you and the anger at you has to also come from being angry at your dismissal of your well-being does that make sense okay to me if you're doing something annoying or stupid and I love you I am angry at you because how dare you not take care of yourself besides that I could care less like I might be frustrated if not anything on myself because I sort of tell you why not put myself in that situation that's all I would say that's all it so like I would never would I can't like because then you I'm given I never want to give someone else the power over me I think that's the way I explain it so when you're talking right now even with a roommate situation to be angry means you have power in some way over my emotions and I don't want anyone's ever make me feel like they do anymore I used to when I was very early on in college I used to give people a lot of power to give me get a reaction out of me and I know for a fact the way they responded to me and the way they treated me and bullied me in college was simply because they could not get it rise out of me like they couldn't make me do things I wouldn't want to do like when they were buying stuff for each other and like trying to get what to do this and do that so if it was not that you couldn't shake me like do bet you can beg me to do something I wouldn't do it's like so if he does what so if he wants and that's it very true guys like only people who can ever sway me are people who I care deeply about and you know I care about you if I if I listen to your opinions if I don't I don't care okay that sounds mean but it's really just who I am I don't think it's mean I think it's just like protecting your peace yeah I just and it's only my age thing I think I've always been that way and I think you you're gonna learn and I say this to her and she gets so annoyed because she's like oh I'm gonna learn I'm getting older because the other day we were talking I could tell she was in a mood and I think this is probably one of the questions you have but she was in a mood and I remember saying what's wrong and she said I'm tired and I was like of what she didn't answer and I'm like no no of what and she was like wow I'm like oh I'm just overwhelmed there's a lot going on I'm like you can't say that like you have to know what's wrong so we can fix it and I was like it's just an age thing and she was like no it's the age and then I'm like I promise you at some point you realize that and I younger like younger people like I'm an old woman younger people oftentimes forget that when all the people say always the age thing I don't want you to take that as a slights on yourself saying that you're not old enough to understand it's more of like I promise you the experience will come to help you more that's how that's what I mean by it's an age thing it's not like oh you're not dealing with what you're dealing with now it's like I want to validate your feelings right now and I say it gets better because the it doesn't get better I still feel anxiety I still feel nervous but experience has taught me that with the honor of anxiety I've had my entire life it will pass it will I'll be okay so whenever I say like oh you're gonna be okay I'm not dismissing your feelings and like oh you're too young to feel deeply it's more of like I promise you with age these feelings you you would have you know how to navigate it better so if you're any younger person to say you have someone older in your life who's always like it's an age thing and maybe they might be saying it the wrong way I hope you take it know as a slight on you thinking oh you've not lived enough but more of like a I promise you life either gets easier or life gets easier because you've begun to on you've begun to understand how to play into life a game of life so 28 now there's something that just know I'm not gonna do oh I would do like I like what I don't like yeah that kind of thing okay that makes so much and now we're moving to the education and career I've been having and you know I've been having a lot of ups and downs with this yeah so um I think okay we're gonna do like a fun one first of like because also for my TikTok I feel like one of my videos that blew up this year was like my cultural shock videos yeah so what were some of like your biggest like cultural shock in college academically and just like socially I think how easy American education is I'm so serious I don't know if I'm gonna do a podcast episode about like how to navigate the American education system because like American education is so easy because it's pretty much centered around America but if you like if you do well and you have a good relationship with the professors you're gonna pass that was my stupidity like if you have a relationship with your professor and of course you reach you have to read and learn you have to go like for the most part if you have a relationship you're able to succeed and because that's a big culture because and I'm sure you don't have those close relationships with your professors I mean I came from a place where my professor for essentially assaulted me for me to get sorry I feel like I don't know the reactions to that question but like that was my life so imagine coming from that's to being able to have professors with open office hours who were saying please come to my office hours and ask me any questions you have who are mentors to you who are role models that was so such an eye opener for me that is so like I yes and no I would say so for again I complete about this to you all the time but I'll bring it on the table professors at Stanford or maybe at like higher is it like this whatever I feel like schools I would say very condescending and racist like there are professors that I love their professors are love but I've not had I've not loved majority of them absolutely like right now I just got my first C-plus sorry she hears this on the podcast I'm so glad you guys so that reaction please keep this but here is the what what class you get C-plus in what's that psych social psych of all classes do not say anything to me especially now to become a psychologist why you get C-plus what's going you all can come you'll see she took oh oh if it's about reading do not look at me like that's guys guys a C-plus exactly those say in America C-plus C that's the thing all those all those anger I felt all those anger I felt because I did that's the thing I don't know they put so much they put they waited the that's what happened so they waited the finals so much more and then because they thought the midterm was like easy so they like changed everything like the way we study guys I studied my my YouTube I have I have I'm literally like what are we going to be doing oh sorry guys guys you see my life do you see my life I can't no I'm not trying to win it means it means this because like you can't say oh she's recording two videos wait you also chair I have proof but my other videos are proof I have I have a bunch of mental breakdowns I feel like they just want you to fail and that professor and I'm so sorry if you ever find this but I don't like you I'm sure I'm not that's the only one and it broke me like again it's C-plus I'm so it brought my GPA bad that's fine it's not IP is no matter any real world it does what lights are like someone be like a mother wow I'm so serious if I watch in this I'm no no it's my task I just I mean that in terms of like don't let that single grade affect you from anything because like your success is not going to be limited to like whether you got a 4.0 in college or not I promise you that especially even like in recent time in the way I could American education is going no one is focusing on that especially because you have a Stanford degree does that make sense it makes so much sense in the in the bigger scheme but just like the like academic gradification it dropped bad and I didn't expect that class because the class that I was super stressed about that everybody online knows I was stressed about I gotta be that was and that's the average of the class so like that's but it's anyways what we're talking about is professors like professors are already like like the psychology department of Stanford is not known to be great like it's not not to be great how do I explain this I went to school in Louisiana for the most part and I also have professors were just racist and were terrible and weren't good in those classes I didn't do well like I sold it well I just I just understood what I was going up against yes I just accepted it so it wasn't like I did like super great but I just accepted it and like the way I think about things now especially with the way I thought about school was it's a means to an end right and I think that's if for you like there's no little picture and academic gradification in the social media world is nothing because we're probably dropping out every single day in school those school matters please stay in school because I'm gonna do an episode where I'm like you guys need to stay in school at least just have a degree to use absolutely guys the level at which school matters now is not the same yes so it's okay for you I like your like oh I'm sad I go to see because that's okay but don't let it weigh you down a bother because like I promise you in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter and you also like facing a lot more isn't a lot of say than you wouldn't any other sort of like school and with the American police will climb me right now it's exhausting which is why I'm also really proud of you don't let it affect you when you say stuff like I'm tired I'm overwhelmed doing this you're giving them the power to affect you in a negative way when they don't deserve to have that power I think that's a very interesting take right tell me I say interesting so much because the idea of like not letting somebody have the power and in a situation like that it seems as if from a psychological standpoint is I'm not supposed to like now I'm battling the I don't want them to win I don't want them to win and it's not more of I don't want them to win it's like yes like if I was only doing school at Stanford I would I would be having eight pluses if only if only what I had to do at school was to like if I was normal and just the typical person I just go to school study everything but then I'm doing school I have two part time jobs I'm doing I'm doing content creation I'm trying to work all those other things that I explain I'm a fly students I do have money I'm black all those kind of things like I have so many things that is like taking away from me and the fact is just that I'm a human and it's going to affect me like it is what it is see how like you're asking my point because because you had dealing with all those things you shouldn't it doesn't matter what they're doing because you're dealing with a lot on your own that's your focus yeah it's all that should matter to you like when you because whenever I feel like when we first when you first got to school you'd call me and be frustrated you're like all these rich kids are doing this this is happening there and I was always trying to tell you that in America that thought process is what and you know it's so interesting what it's like I think because you did high school here you're in some way ingrained in that way of thinking you're not trying to say don't know in that way of thinking that like I hear I can't when I'm in first that I kept hearing that thing that I hear so much in an American social climate of they they have this much power and I'm having to do all these things that I'm so fresh and I'm so angry I have such a great story that goes with what I will interject right there do not keep that thought so she doesn't forget I went to a high school that is predominantly black but white teachers and going to going to college the literally I think I said it is ready but I was told that I applied to like Stanford this on my list of colleges and my college advice so literally looked at me like you're not guessing to any of the school and I got my first decline letter from you Miami that I did not even care about they made they curated my list like I fought that school to like the death of me like they curated my list I do not even know where you Miami is guys and I just submitted that because they wanted me to submit something so I knew I was not going to get into school but I got that first decline letter and for every decline and acceptance you have to send it to your advisor and she looked at me and she was like just expect a decline letter from every other school we had to just calling me out of my room or out of class telling me I need to apply to a community college and then transfer house because there is nowhere and immigrants is going to get into us like into like Stanford and it's like I came from Nigeria my school was like my goal school was averaged and like like all those big schools so it's like I literally was fighting against other odds where in a school that has lost so much hope because it's apparently black and apparently like over policed place like nobody in that school has ever gotten into an Ivy League I was the first in their history none of them had the like the resources nothing was going on so literally I just had to just telling me this will happen this one happened this one happened and then it happened and it was like a flip oh my god what do we do kind of like oh we never had this so like what resources should be giver so it's like I absolutely agree with the it's it's ingrained in my head because they literally tell us we have people sitting now they are teaching us with the like we had a college class and the college class was just using I had another director bring out a folder of students that I've got it into Harvard and she told us to flip through it and she looked at us and told us and the top 10 were in engineering sangani and so and she looked at us like what have we done that is up to anything this kids have done so we go to classes and you're like do you think your professors are going to care about you like nobody cares about a black like a black kid does what that's what they've told me so going to Stanford and then same that I feel like Stanford was also my first America because I came to Newark we are all we're all still black no difference so I go to Stanford and it's like what the heck do I do it life right now but you see how like I tell people that when I hear Africans I'm gonna get so deep for a minute right here Africans talk about how black Americans are either lazy or they don't have jobs they're not trying to fight I want to always bring up the when things are so systemic in a country that is majority white and these people literally were sold into slavery to come work for these people no no reparations no atonement no understanding I mean like in so many places the American society we see it with the current president that's all I'm going to see about that because I don't want to come because we see it in the American political climate I can't fault anyone for feeling like what do I do right but what I know has helped me is even with you know my story right every time I get a dream of something I want to do something everyone around me tells me it's not possible or can you do that or how can you do that or what you do you know because everything I've done is I came here was me researching and thinking for myself because there was no blueprint there's nobody who has done this immigrant like coming here and not being able to afford school I'm going what do I do next I have to return but okay well resident assistants don't pay for school I'm just actually going to become a resident assistant like you know there's there's things that you have to do I will say was helped me is just staying true to like fucking the noise like that's all it is like it's so easy to say fuck the noise don't care about what they say because you should and you will right but as long as Trevor know I would say to have well maybe it's to my wonder so I have the casual arrogance of an Nigerian is what would save you in the world yes so like just fully when people tell you no take that as they they don't know like it can happen yet like come down with still me what's this yeah like it's like it might help but just watch this shit happen like oh you don't think I can get into school watch this how you did right I did so it's that same energy I want you to take into Stanford and you know senior year right let them make noise let the rich kids rich kid you can't control that like you can't do anything about it let the girlies get the rose rises and goes to the yacht look at them rich I'm telling you like there's nothing because there's nothing you can literally do yeah except spend your energy and time complaining or looking at that I'm feeling like why is this not my story because when I when you talk to me like you're exhausted because you're doing all these things I remember I tell you I'll be like you told me about internships and struggles and internships and I remember I told you and you're like oh everybody in my class and I said you're not everybody in your class I'm not like you're just not like I know how many things you have to do to even survive in your school it will be a disservice to yourself and how hard you work to think that you need to do more because your career is also kids who have not had to work a day in their life to get to anywhere right like even with social media and like you growing your following like you're navigating a space where having an accent puts your disadvantage yeah having the skin as dark as our skin it puts it as a disadvantage put in prison your head puts it as a disadvantage you know there's some like it's a little things man the moment talking about in the car I bought it yeah if you're a black woman versus a black guy did it yeah so many disadvantages you're already in the only thing you can control is yourself worth yeah and you're opinion about yourself so when you're feeling down it's not I'm exhausted I'm tired it's like I need to I need a break but I'm going to get back on the horse that's pretty much it so I think that's what I wanted to take into and I tell you this all the time so you know she does she does oh that was that was beautiful that was beautiful just want to point out real quick now with the last episode on this podcast was about masturbation and the art of self pleasure in this episode is how to fucking navigate life as an American being black being African being smarter as being a big sister all of that stuff because I might to let us all about just duality about multi potential light to them okay I lost the plot there okay great great this question um next question uh did you ever question your major no I feel any what I wanted to do but you know this also I want to say I knew what I wanted to do take a shot please why you know this you know this I feel like I knew what I want because like I wanted to be the lawyer so I knew I was going to do political science like I just I knew I was never going to do math or anything like that maybe the one time I was going to question was when I fell in love with geology so I thought I was going to study geology biology very very random very random yeah that was the most random like side plot that I did okay so what advice would you give to um people in college or anybody right now like this is the series this summer is like summer to like think about what you want to do like you know so what would advice would give like anybody like thinking about the major um like you know the the diverse engineer law and versus like the ones that don't have the most I always say if you're unsure of your major don't niche down be general hmm because that would help you farther than niching down yeah so like if you're not sure of what's a majoring don't measure in French majoring like communications or in English or in literature language something that like would give you general skills to help you in the future yeah so I think it's such a like every people that go far in the world right especially when they know what they want to college are people who like are doing have our specific jobs like being a doctor being a lawyer being a dentist being like all the uneven then the people now who do like English and then become dentist like it happens it is there's a big pressure for short where people saying like all you know you need to decide now decide now because that's just how colleges want you to pay for college education but as long as you're not niching down but you're being more general so you just want the resources like the best degree for me is like higher education a higher education takes you so far because you learn so much with like people management conflict skills all these stuff like having a degree in confidence and resolution that was like you know I mean like it's just like so many things you can do with that degree and then maybe minoring or like being specific in the classes you take to help you like grow further out can you help me tell people that communications is a cool major it is a cool major who thinks it's not always a thing well maybe at Stanford my solution gives you the skills to do anything yeah I know like you can do anything with mask home especially feel like smart enough to handle it last question under education and career okay how do you just sense of home change after living in years for a few years do you feel do you ever feel like you're floating between two cultures yes you know we talk about this all the time I think the biggest struggle for folks who are like immigrants especially first generation is like where do you land and I think you can hear that on your voice when you first started right yes you went to high school here so you felt like you had to simulate really hard I think Marvela is another creator who I think is navigating that stuff too in a way it's so interesting like seeing the girly is now as like we're all like doing the internet thing some who keep our accent some who don't how we've tried to navigate it it's just it's different um you just learn to balance it out yeah I'm I'm still figuring it out I'm still learning because I think I have started I have got into the point where I have lived more of my adult life now in America than I have in Nigeria so there's the beginning to be this like division right but also with social media it really doesn't make it that hard because Nigeria is so close to Western culture in a way so it makes things easier for us to navigate it even more oh my god did you have issues with like pronouncing words when you came oh my god guys like I said fuck with us fork yeah yeah like in high school no in middle school I would go home after school and we just like try to like pronounce things I still can say aluminum the American we was crazy I think it's an Nigerian thing mostly I think because I give South Africans prop for this South Africans are such a pride in being South African they don't try to minimize their accent sure like their certain culture is too they could care less watch it yeah but I think we were raised to just simply be the West thank you for some of us anyways right so even the idea that when you go to a place which I accents and they tell you oh I can't hear you well you must be change like people whose names are shame when they say their name is Sean are you know okay are you okay in the head like what's that there's a lot of things I've been called you know I mean like when for me like when I like my name is Adirion care but then I the professor's like oh like I don't care and I was like fuck you know just call me Sophie even that is a sense of don't piss me the fuck off don't piss me off that to me also is very interesting and navigating how to do with self-figure things out figure shit out in that way oh my god I hope I'm able to come back on the podcast one day again and I want to like talk about like my like our interactions with like race as a concept we got to do that we got to be like a whole like yeah yeah generations of people and like we should do one of those like Jubilee videos right and have the big we're waiting for production guys guys but yeah no I feel like my sense of home has changed because for especially now I'm a new man so my home for me is now just wherever I am rather than like a static place but Nigeria would always be home like Nigeria is home it's always been like I remember I wasn't gone I recently and it was so crazy to me I was watching YouTube and the ad that played after was a black ad I did a speaking tree in the ad and it just I didn't see that in a long time because remember I grew up with in a minute it was me I knew this woman like actually what that was my life for a while and I came to America and my life was trying to in ads you see like the mixed couple or the wife around you know I mean like they make it very most ads make you very intentional to try to pass it like yeah and they black guy here and they like it but I just and when I saw a fully black ad in America it was very it was I don't even think I have I don't think I have and if I have it's very very specific isn't so I was in Ghana and I just it was a visual reaction I said I was like they're black people and my friends look at me like are you might of course not in Nigerian but I don't think they understood that for the past 10 years my brain is not black people is it dead my brain I see not black people I think coming to a reaction a such a formative like age it's just shape so I feel like like people like us I feel again I would love to see our brain the like us can't over the years I'm so the like so serious because I think the way we see things the way we're able to like our like flexible adaptability skills is so insane we feel like we even adapted no love who did some poor status silos I think there's a special ability to adapt to situations that like gives you more success and I guess like I think we also connected because I love that you were able to I could see the interesting wanting to adapt because I think you're you're what is it you're running a losing game what's that phrase say do something about that submission like you're losing a winning game where we need a losing game I don't know you're basically losing if you're not trying to adapt to an American the American life because you're in the culture like there's nothing I can do I live in America I need to find a way to survive in America as the same way if I was in Nigeria I would have to find a way to survive in Nigeria and with racism with economic insecurities all that stuff it just makes sense to try to find a way so yeah talking about you and like navigating Stanford and stuff that's why I always tell you just try to figure it out like yeah when you understand what the pros and cons are you able to succeed better like me when all starts in initiative I still know I try to figure out okay how am I going to lose here my biggest thing is okay I'm already at a disadvantage because I'm a minority with that in the in play no outside of it with that in play how else can I win and that's all you just need to say how else how else no else you know I've lost already knows how else can I win how else can I shape this thinking of this thought and to get get me success now we're moving to the relationship and you see we're going to have you spill yeah okay my first question on that this of course this is for me but then what edits the way I want you to what it was the red flag you ignored in your first serious relationship and how and did you stay longer than you should have I did not stay longer than I should have and it was the fact that like age was a thing like our age I think my first and I would say my relationship you dating college yeah yeah I did my first relationship in America I was in college okay like I came to America July I had a boyfriend in October slick yeah no generally and then I think we lasted for like a year and a half and it was like I know that was like a guy like we're really cool friends but like I don't like we're our age was really different and there's just I don't know why I did I don't know why I got in a relationship but not no offense like I really liked him but now looking back and I was like why did I do that like what was my reason I just did shit for the plot but before that when I was in a Lauren which was like my old university there was some time I was entertaining and I was like I think I was like 16 and he was 24 or like I was yeah I was 16 what's 24 that was your first boyfriend that was like my no my friend high school no sentence but I mean like serious very serious yeah I think it was him and it was just like it was definitely red flag because I was really yeah I was at 100 level law and he was 400 level guy and it was very like unfortunate so that's what I yell at you everything so yeah I was like what the heck what's going on okay we'll start sending the applications you better if you're a boy who wants to line you into men right yes okay if you're a boy who wants to line you have to get through me fast have you ever had a snickering situation ship that almost ruined your focus a GPA no nobody ever like a fit in college no I don't think I let I don't I've never been the kind of girl who let relationships affect my academics like it's not my thing like no I think what I think post college I definitely I think my recent last relationship I would say like I'm the girl who was like I tend to get lost in my relation like if I really like you I want to be on the phone with you all the time she loved hard I love really hard and my friend I love my friends really hard to like it's like a thing but I found someone now who's who's training me on how to be independent and I really I appreciate that because I didn't realize how I used to I would be in relationships be all in and then the way I would be all out would be so quick because I would get so drained because I was so all in so quickly and I didn't realize I was the thing I was doing until I found my current situation where I'm about to tell you something crazy what are you about to see great what are you about to see the boyfriend that I had we met we met we didn't want more it's a waste but it didn't that's so bad they didn't like I need to be your boyfriend yes really yes do it it's insane I am but did you want a boyfriend did you feel like you had to have a boyfriend you know I didn't feel like I like them I didn't feel like I had to have a boyfriend but it's also a damn what did you say the talking drum oh it was I thought you say it was the fucking child but it'd be like I don't think so because you said you know all you're like you just go all in yeah I think like that's for me so I'm just like when I'm done but I feel like it also has to do with like when you know when you see what I feel like women know when the relationship is going to end do you agree with that we do yeah also know more way more than they do like it's so interesting I'm so oblivious yeah men are so oblivious they be so shocked like I'm like oh I was I forgot we'll see my head a year yo so just a process this was just me making it official like no I feel like I'm stringing you along yeah don't watch this don't break get the ass broken twice I'm sorry girl give me top that cool that's how you do it I raise her right okay next question okay this way asking me yes what's your honest taken sex while dating in college do you think it's actually no I'll just ask that what's my honest taken sex while dating college my I just don't get pregnant that's it I'm telling you like I've because like I wasn't it's so crazy that I never I don't think I'm I don't think I had sex in college yeah besides my first relationship when I was in West Virginia I think in I don't think I had sex and my best friend would let me know I might have had sex with people outside of my college but in college I don't think I had sex in college in my college I think maybe the guy I liked the guys I liked and the girls I like to like we didn't really do anything because I just was busy or like you just never happened but like I don't think I did but I also for me I was always conscious of like getting pregnant because I was in a birth control so it was also a thing for me to like know that like the risk is there and I just late sex allergies with condoms it was a lot I was very persistent about STDs and everything I always buy some people like anyone like who wants to have sex just understanding the risks like sex is fun exciting but you can have an actual child yeah like we live in a society now that where children are just like born as like five like they're just handbag or your pregnant okay that's you're gonna be no no no no like I don't want 20 years on the line having kids who like don't I don't I don't want to say broken homes because I came from a home that was a single family home but I think it's also like right I think it's also just it's interesting not to have the conscious choice like if it happens by Apple stands like oh parents get divorced or like whatever that's different but like walking into something with that mistake shouldn't be happening I don't want one opinion I have like if you're gonna have sex understanding like the risk of pregnancies and the man specifically who is having sex with you needs to treat you right like I want you in charge I want the girl having sex to to know your power in this you're not just laying there taking it because you should be having sex the man better be you better be an equal participant in sick are you having sex period I don't know what you're talking about me why are you looking at me I'm telling you more than okay what did I tell you did I tell you anything okay guys moving on to the next question I didn't say nothing I didn't say nothing guys see she's stressing herself see how she's stressing herself I didn't say yes I didn't say no she have decided okay what was your most I can't believe I did that moments from your early 20s that still makes you laugh or cringe we listen we don't judge tell us oh one is the most like I can't if I did that nothing really my 20s I think and just say just an orgy I think yeah that was it by do we yeah it's just the by the way yeah just like I feel like I just did I was I think after like I think I just said you have to call it at this point crazy 2019 was a crazy time for Sophie man that was a wild ride bro I was a crazy you think I'm going to have a wild ride but I know I've it well guys I said it God no I don't think so you're not that I love the part of Sophie that I like I bring out to people what spots is that's the spots are you though don't be that don't be I'm just saying do you think I'm going to like do you do if you hypothetically if you were having SEX would you like want to explore stuff explore stuff what do you mean by I'm I'm a very simple girl I don't be like in drama okay I don't like drama why is that because of like shame and like how you grew up oh my god I just saw that what you guys talk about yeah I don't want that for you I want you to be able to explore be happy you should want more not drama what you think is still pick one pick one parts pick one part because now also the Sophie means like wait I want to make sure you're actually having fun if you are doing this if I was doing this no really you should unpack that oh shit like body stuff is it like mind is it like the mind I think it's mind everything that's to do with me mind because why are you to affect me period I love that this is because this after okay because I don't like that hypothetically if we are having SEX we should be enjoying we should be enjoying and you should not feel like it's for my but my thing is like I can't have hypothetically no my own thing is that way I feel like I could just have the conversation like like if you're to like half sex you should know that you should not be doing it for man or like to please man because I think it's a huge in college like like the college hookup culture yeah because my first like my NSO week this deal was working around saying like our goal for the week was to have sex with me like sebumin like that was like that's the norm so it's like see that's the then like no power a woman no power like girl see so it's like it's very like in my face like it's very my face but yeah okay wait people California yeah yeah it's really because interesting I just want to make sure again we're gonna go back to this okay no more don't you should like extra stuff all right enjoy it okay you should make sure someone takes care of you if you're happy for me for me oh my god don't do that you try you pick it lead you know I read what part guys guys people that I've read what part guys what part is bad I think at my passouts if if I have like a little sister that reads what bad what part is worse you oh you know those little cowboy novels Mafia oh shit man okay guys okay don't know this looking at us we don't actually never talk about this yeah but like what part is wow but yeah like I feel like we let this room as well yes I do region but because what am I reading anything else what am I reading what no I already go through it I don't understand people are like oh I can't read books that are like two like no that's why I read it that's why I read it so be stop it's moving on guy when need to talk more no no I really will like oh my god I would die if you start having sex if you've already started I can feel good really however I want you to be able to talk to me about it I will because it's like oh last yes you can really ask me about sex as you know I'm an equal opportunity sexer I'm so serious look at me in the eye I'm looking at you okay because I don't want nobody for taking for ideal to I'm not enjoy it and you should be able to be enjoying sex you vocal about no you don't have to be vocal like me on my part fucking podcast but like you vocal so nobody's gonna take you for anything and enjoy it if you are starting and if you're gonna if you've already or you are it better be with the right person for the right reason they better be fun and your choice if it was it would be fun I like this because it's very not sure I know I'm not sure when this is where I was figuring this out after this fucking episode I'm so curious now anyways for my final question I need to know guys what do you mean I can't oh like I'll tell you if you could go back and whisper one sentence to your 21 year old self in the thick of confusion and overthinking what would you say please don't tell me it's going to be itch no trust yourself that's a good one yeah trust yourself I think like trust your god like you know like we know what we want every time like but as far as it like I wish like at some age I said in the last podcast yeah um I feel like if we had an hour in the day where we just sat down close our eyes and said what am I thinking we would know like say it out and I think what tends to happen so she has really younger is we tend to be like oh what does this person think what does that person think how would affect me if we silence our mind journaled we would be it was a figure what we really wanted I know myself at 21 like if I saw this girl's like oh I don't think she's gonna be a good friend to me but I still became my friend because everybody else is friends with her or like oh I really don't want to just go away when it's taking so I should do it oh I don't want to do this like the amount of times I should have just trusted my gut and I didn't just affected me in so many ways so now my biggest thing is always trusting my gut and just knowing that like I'll be okay and trusting the right people as well too with like opinions and even now I'm still navigating that like yeah I'm learning to trust myself more in this process too okay that is it guys okay oh my god guys I hope this is such a fun episode for you because I enjoyed all of this okay so what you guys see see what I'm saying okay yes I'm sorry I'm taking it in I love you very much great great I love you so much thanks for having me putt found I'm going to be listening even though I was here talking oh guy listen just so you know our next episode will be live from London because your girls should be in London by the time you guys are listening to this episode and I'm so excited again drop in the comments who you want me to be on their podcast who you want me to interview who you want on the podcast I know already you guys have some favorites I'm really excited to have them on the podcast oh my god my friends I can't wait to be London I can't wait but thank you Tony for being on this episode thank you for having me I love you so much we really girl it was a fine of if you've had sex right on oh my god I would see you guys in my next putt episode by 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