Am I Faking my life? Let’s talk imposter syndrome - Ep 16

Hey guys welcome back to the podcast. Hi, I am that's a terrible interest. Oh my god. Let's start that. Let's start. I'm on my period. You know what's something I've think Donald? I feel like if I was ever pregnant it will be so obvious online because every time I get my period I feel like I announce it. Like I'm doing something that like I have to be like guys in my period that's why I'm cranky and I love that. Random facts. Also let me introduce the podcast and I have to tell you something about periods. Random. Hey guys welcome to Am I too loud the podcast and Sophie aka the Audity. Today's gonna be a fun episode. We're gonna be talking about imposter syndrome. Lona may her casting drama. We're gonna be talking about some odd submissions that you guys submitted to us and so much more but also when we're talking about like just what's been going on in my life was going on Donald's life. Hi Donald Donald is my producer but also my kind of co-host at this point. So I don't like to say that because it makes him feel good about himself and I hate that. So I'm a terrible person. He loves me anyways. Hi Donald. How are you feeling? I hate whenever you do a sexy voice when you're talking. Why did you say why did you respond like that? I'll fight you later. Let me tell you about the period thing. So I was I just got back home. I traveled somewhere and where I went to I wanted to get pads because I forgot my pads at home and when I got there the lady at the store was like oh I'm let me give you a bag so you can cover up your pads and your tampons and I was like why? And she's like oh you know just to make sure you're okay and I'm like I literally just looked at her and I said we all bleed don't we all bleed like why am I hiding my pads in my tampon. So on the flight when I was gonna go change my tampon and pad I literally just picked it up like I didn't fold it under my shirt I didn't fold it anywhere I just held it and I walked into the bathroom to go change it come out and I can see women smiling a few men were like look at me weird like what is she holding they just looked confused but nobody reacted negatively like nobody actually like frowned of the fact that I was walking around with a pad and a tampon and I know this is not the episode for that because this is like so right on my off the cuff but we out the idea of like the period stigma is so interesting to me I wonder if it's because of like the blood is a random is definitely right I feel like I think that's what it is like I did that women bleed and like the people don't want to see that but you're not seeing it and then pads are so brightly colored like they're so bright like pink and blues and greens and yellows and lights and all that stuff that is really hard to hide it anyways and why am I hiding the fuck that I'm bleeding if I don't bleed and I'm having a child and a child is a gift from God or whatever the fuck they say I think let me speak for okay you want a man's plan to me right now I think one I grew up in a house with a lot of women yes I go used to it because yeah you don't come Aaron or go get this yeah I told all of that right oh yeah okay good job Donald but tell me even till now sometimes right normally if I go into the bathroom and I see like like a blood stain you know like like the one that I just like random these I've always so confused and I think the reason because it doesn't happen to me yeah because you know my experience I forget about it yeah that's like in that moment you're reminded they're like oh what is that thing like what is this thing they're like yeah I feel like there's something I might be newly passionate about this period stigma really I'm newly passionate about it the stigma around it because like yeah I talk about my periods a lot and I don't I don't see as I talk to you yeah so I talk a lot about like when I first started like menstruating I would just use like I'm an African woman so I was only taught to use a pad and I was told that this is normally the episode for that but I was gonna do it real quick when I first started my period I was told that Donald has a question can you explain the cup after you yes I will okay I'm gonna should I bring it okay you can okay I can listen to audio like what the fudge okay first of all when I first started as an African I was taught that not I said I shouldn't say that but the community I was raised in told me I know but the community that was raised and told me like I couldn't only use a pad and if I wasn't using a pad I couldn't use a tampon because if I use a tampon that means I was not a virgin anymore because tampons is virgin to you that was what I was told so for me tampons freaked me out like I just didn't use it but I also like pads like we're just there like that's all we use and that's why I know a lot of African women are raised but I'm very nosy like am I too loud you all the podcasts my name everything like I've always asked questions so in my head I'm like I just don't feel like pads I don't think they're the best way to do this like they don't feel like the healthiest ways I handle bleeding every month it can be good for the environment it can be good for your kuchi and it just it's so I'm bleeding yeah but I'm bleeding into myself like I don't know why but it just didn't feel good but it just knows what I knew and most America I was in college I had friends who were a hip no the cool girls the outside girls the ones who are fast is what you call it use tampons right and I'm learning quickly that it doesn't mean they're fast it just means I don't want to say they're educated or maybe you just like research and so a friend of mine cheesy used tampons and I tried them with cheesy or I don't even know if she that put it in me I don't know good friends I just remember those one time when I was bringing we're all trying to figure out how to put tampons in because we didn't know how to do it ourselves and I realized that it was a lot easier to survive tampons and then I started researching healthier period methods when I had some issues with birth control and I discovered period panties period cups period discs and so much more other alternatives to just the pad and so I'm a very big period experimenting human basically like because I think the human the woman's body is not talked about enough because like it's not a lot of research around like how to even go through the period experience better like if you go to the doctor you say you're having terrible crimes they're gonna be like oh yeah that's normal no it's not like there's so many things about our body that's not researched and it's not talked about I think for this one I want to make sure like I if I'm going to be going through this every month till I'm at least 50 55 I want to be going through it as comfortably as possible 50 when does menopause like 45 to like 60 yeah sometimes that people get late menopause if we get really on set menopause I don't know I don't know right your I know my mom was a man he flashes or a thing I know I'm balls so I'm gonna have heat flashes and then you could see the heat of my head I see you're sweating like crazy yeah and then we'll talk about it because I'm on the nurse you know it's this I'm going to do this and I was like well it's a human body so inject the woman's body to like I don't remember like you know they don't want pads tampons I don't even ever seen those people freebleed yeah I'm and they're walking around just I'm telling you free bleeding is the best thing because you don't bleed more this is so like I don't this is not research in any way I'm just letting you guys know I'm telling you when I don't when I use my period cups or anything less invasive I bleed less when I use pads I bleed more and people talk about how this is like a conspiracy theory but the things they put in pads allow more to come out or at least like affect your pH balance or that that's where like you want to buy more pads like yeah you keep because you know like it's not good for you but you can keep using more and more because you need it and then you can buy more and then it's like it helps the company to that's what it says because when I use period cups I'm telling you guys I'm bleeding at least 70% less and when I'm free bleeding them just like I'm not I'm really not once the day I freebleed it was my heavy because I bleed a lot like I use when I'm using tampons I use eight to 12 super tampons a day on my first two days plus pads that's how bad my bleeding is when I'm using a cup I changed my cup twice a day and they know I've been usually full they're just like and I'm not using a full cup because it's just different I don't know this is like such such a nice conversation what's it happen no I've no I've just got a hemorrhage right the thing you're in your ass that has like like this tissue yeah it's like where you overstrain like the apples and then like yeah how do we get here it's the same body we function I don't know if I would okay I know the entire time you're talking about it I was like oh my god I know I wish I could relate to this but I'm like and I was your closest relationship I have a hemorrhage because I'm like well I believed where I could probably like me do that then the entire time I'm like it's not cool though I don't think it's cool that only women get to have their periods I think you all shoot me for this right I think it'll be cool if men had periods yeah honestly I think childbirth and the experience of giving a child I think the entire process is in fair women and again that's why I say if that story is true let me explain because I feel like this is like the punishment where women have to deal with okay right cuz like oh okay I see a poem we're going through that you don't want PM messing the loot you'll face bleeding cramps you're shitting on they you're diarrhea and then you're passing out I think I need to be split have the head I can be very and then the okay think about it no okay bring about it bring it back the man is the head of the family oh shit no but think about it the man and the woman have quotas right the man gets pregnant and the woman gets pregnant the woman grows the body and the man grows the head because remember if you pass the head out so in this scenario you would have a body the the hardest thing for the woman is the head the head is always the hardest yeah because the head is big or small yeah right because if you flip it then the pregnancy I don't know I think the baby will probably die it comes with the leg right I think the head is the right to come out I don't know take the head away from the woman okay she doesn't have to feel that extreme pain she brings out the body I think it's hard for us to get extreme let me pull that back let me tell you what I want I think that both people need to go through some sort of menstruation thing and I think that's my thing because you know like when we're menstruing because that's when we're supposed to like your egg is supposed to be fertilized and then you menstruate because your egg is fertilized and the uterine law is falling off and I think that men should only be able to have sex and ejaculate ejaculate how do you say that word ejaculate ejaculate what is an American accent for that ejaculate no how would an American say it ejaculate ejaculate no doesn't sound right ejaculate let's try the Alexa pernells ejaculate no you're good girl Alexa stop thank you ejaculate okay so I feel like men need to suffer through that okay I think if more men had to go through pain to ejaculate they wouldn't ejaculate as much as they do okay and then they will be less babies does that make sense so for example like maybe in the grand scheme of things like for you to get the amount of cement you need to have a good orgasm for as a man you need to like go through some form of the menstruation cycle maybe like your body's gathering the cement from your body and that's a painful thing now we have to deal with so it makes for a weak ejaculation intentional intentional that's what I think you do so now that when you look at that baby you're like you know what I worked hard for that child because right now it's easy boom boom done it's not fair okay because women we like that egg we go through a lot for that damn egg man there's like a hundred million cement just on the egg it's not fair but if they're able to find a way for a man to have like okay we know that for men to get the appropriate amount of like cement in their thing for like a good week's worth of masturbation and children they're gonna have to go through a week of cramping and hormonal stress and everything like that let's see I'm in children being the world actually solve what I think is the biggest issue with man to the exact masturbation right this was not the episode for this conversation I don't know how we got here but I'm gonna be a wild clip to cut I'm just saying I feel like that would solve a lot of issues anyways guys I don't know how to shift gears from that but because like men in this scenario there were imposters okay please they did not know you don't think we're imposters in the ground so okay let's just gonna jump straight into today's episode because we wanted to talk about imposter syndrome because Ilona may her she is a rugby player who just I think is going to be playing for London as well now you guys this is one thing I want to learn about podcasting is like I need to have like you know all those like official podcasts have like notes don't know it's a terrible producer because you should have notes so we should be like this is what she is it's her acolyd so I could read it out so I look like I'm responsible I didn't even know who she was she was really you don't know who she was like a fantastic player at the Olympics this year past year the rugby that's why oh you've never played like you don't know what we is like nobody walks nobody watches rugby well they watch because of her and she's fantastic anyways the point is she's one of the biggest stars she's also effortlessly funny on TikTok so she was she did an interview recently where she was asked like how do you deal with imposter syndrome and she said what is that like I don't know her and you guys that was the most refreshing thing I've ever heard because I think as a society we're so used to hearing that question or just assuming everybody doesn't think they work hard for what they're doing or they're getting and to have someone as talented as her say no I don't I don't have imposter syndrome I've worked really hard I practice every day I research I I'm scrolling on TikToks and learn funny things like I put in the work so when I do get the words for it I'm really proud of myself because I am working hard and as an African immigrant child imposter syndrome I think is like bred into us like because you can never be good enough like that was the biggest thing I had struggled growing up is like am I good enough like if I'm getting all A's my mom is gonna maybe say yeah you got all A's but you didn't clean the kitchen today so you're not really doing well or what if what about this person who got all A's but they were also commended and they got this instead you know I mean like there's always the next thing so you're never fully satisfied with the wins you currently have and this is something that we all I feel maybe especially women and we'll talk about of course men to in that situation a lot of women grow up just understanding like you're supposed to shrink yourself make yourself smaller and this will be heard you know this was to like celebrate your wins because if you are then you're cocky or you're arrogant like and when she spoke she didn't sound cocky or arrogant she sounded very like matter of fact right it was very like you know I'm successful like why am I gonna be telling myself you don't deserve the success because you work hard for it so here's what I want to ask Donald and I want you to ask me how do you do with imposter syndrome if you do have it do you think you have imposter syndrome everything so yes you do please don't know should I call you out I have a I have a distraction syndrome you know you have imposter syndrome no don't know no don't know no okay explain I'll give me give me like because as you're talking about it I thought I had an imposter syndrome too but you're talking about it I was like you know what like let me knock on this the other way no no the concept of putting in work and getting the reward and thinking like I don't deserve to be in that place where I am I don't feel that okay right my issue is I'm considering going through life and I have a lot of like heavy distractions that come from where like the world that I existed that's my biggest thing no because I feel like you always ask yourself how did you get here though yeah no but no because like but that's not I don't think that's imposter though okay let me I feel like because I was like so overexpaving it that's why you feel that way you got I think that I don't have the position I don't think you give me an example okay I know we can debate it okay do you think you have a position let me do oh no I do so that's crazy what do you mean no because no no everything she says is valid doesn't mean I don't have it okay I want to respond the way she did and once I heard her talk I'm able to start saying I want to start responding to that with I don't have imposter syndrome I believe I worked hard for everything I've gotten but I also know that is a lie and I'm pretending to I'm faking it till I make it like I'm still looking around like no I'm I don't deserve this like I get emails every day inviting me to experiences and I'm like why me that's interesting but I will say this I think it's because I don't know if this sounds so weird to say I think it's because things come very easy to me right and I tend to think okay let me say this let me let me explain let me explain my reasoning so I grew up with it was a very like academic-fully focused family or like life right so how you calculated success is how many a's did you get how many things did you do so the career I have now for me this is this is an entirely new space that's why I feel like an imposter in this space especially with social media and virality it makes you feel like you don't know what you're doing because I don't know what I'm doing I just happen to be in this business like is the podcast doing well is my content doing well am I doing well I tend to think I'm not because I don't know what my level of success looks like here now if you tell me in school when I was getting my masters do you have any process in your oh no I could write that essay quick right right I can argue if I was going to be a lawyer I told you I would never oh so I'm so confident in that part of my life because I knew what success looks like I can measure it I mean I think for her it's the same thing like she can measure success because she has it okay explain she's a role player right the thing she's doing she can see like right you know I mean like I think it's also easy right for her to say no I'm successful like I'm proud of it because she can all I can see her success right and the work too is like that's putting to it like it's training especially soccer players basketball players like yeah athletes I feel like I don't think they can have I know most of them some probably do but I think if anything is just the fear of like maybe losing it all like not playing well enough but in positive terms like no I'm working hard for this shit I deserve to be in this space okay so with athletes and soccer players I've always tried to understand like their outlook at the things they do and I think he comes from submission okay right I feel like to not have the process and this is not like a conclusion yeah it's like my hypothesis is you have to submit yourself to this team where like the craft in itself is like the fact that you get to predict in it yeah you owe everything to it that like you can never feel like because I mean pasta is like you feel like at some point you should be above right like there's a goal yeah there's a goal post of like oh I want to be the best soccer player in the world yeah I don't think you know like if you do that it's like okay per what like is it by the number of goals that you're trying to score is he by like how many times you're training like think about like a Michael Jordan or Kobe right it's like you're training and training and training and trying to be a better person where you're submitting to that thing yeah but I think like for our industry for example it's pretty neat yeah right it's like I posted a YouTube video yeah we're gonna put Donald's YouTube channel in the description because we're really proud of him keep on posting YouTube videos today I mean posting like I posted seven videos this month crazy I'm slowed down crazy yeah if you know you know I'm very proud and I don't even know that that's amazing right no Donald thank you so I made this video and it was like training for marathon yeah I saw that yeah I was so excited I said about the thumbnail I was about like the title the video I made it all with my iPhone it was so far I saw that I posted it okay and normally when I post videos my average everything with it is like 400 views okay right 700 a thousand two thousand now we start getting in a week I'm proud of you okay my video is at 36 views right okay okay and like because we do it back end of YouTube YouTube they decided we're not gonna share this video that's all yeah it's not working yeah I'm not gonna do it and I sat down for a moment and I've caught myself I was like I really want to make videos like really I was so excited and I'm like that level of disappointment it's insane yeah and I'm just I don't think that's like imposter syndrome because to me that's just like whoa I think it's a part of imposter syndrome okay but I also think social media is such a mental game 24 say you know I talk to you about this where like you might be doing so well and then sometimes you might not because the numbers game at the end of the day to that you can't control the algorithm always algorithm right because think about it from this example no one right now there's no big marathons coming up except for London in April so maybe that video is gonna do well and pick back up and before searching for marathon videos in two weeks so keep it up and keep it and they watch it and they watch you say I mean yeah so I think I always like to tell people whenever things like that happen that the race is just slow it's like slow and steady with YouTube because you saw like you're having your high or high or high you hit that stuff and you're like I don't need to be doing this anymore I don't deserve this go to hell that it up you have to because like you have to keep going and I always tell people like my Arbinga for like successes like six months if I do something over and over and over again for six months and it doesn't work I can then switch it up but we can feel things but if I do it once I'm like oh I didn't work I'm gonna change it no because you never know what the politics behind that was in the first is for it not to work it's gonna keep going also we've talked about this on your channel and it's like breakdown for Donald's channel now on your channel like we know what works like we know what people are nosy about you know like they like the Tesla they don't have the car is the Tesla he really loves it we hate Elon Musk in this house we don't hate Elon do we okay we hate Elon Musk in this house but like you know whatever he has a Tesla he loves it people love that so maybe in between the passion videos like the marathon videos you throw in a Tesla video right in between a part man day in the life content producer video you're throwing stuff like that now we're like you're balancing it out because you never know right and I think that's that's the biggest thing so again going back to the fact that I do think you have imposter syndrome only because like I don't think you move through life confident about your abilities in a way that's deranged no yeah yeah I mean boy like that is what I'm oblivious to that yeah cuz like you're so talented right and I think to not have impulse okay I hate that just on the podcast because not so on air I just said it well I'm so like you're so talented and you're so great at what you do that I know success comes from literally like owning that like I tell you like when we talk about content creators who are like us like I know what sets me apart from other people and why I don't think I do as well it's because I don't have I don't have that like audacity even though I think I do I still don't have the audacity of like I deserve to take up space which is crazy crazy no it's crazy to think right because I am literally sitting here on the couch right now talking on the podcast about some crazy shit that we talked about here but I'm doing not so comfortably with Donald with the odd fam with the pod family because I feel like I've built like this cozy net of community with my social media family that makes me feel safe right any step out of that freaks me out like it just drives me crazy like I can't I don't know how to function I don't think I deserve it and I'm 20 25 years in a year of saying effort like I deserve to be here I deserve to own this space I want to be an actor I want to be the next female Kevin Hart I want to do all these things and now I'm gonna put like money where my mouth is and start investing in myself and I think that's the difference when she was talking about you know having a pasta syndrome you'll feel like investing in yourself so you know what success looks like and like pushing through I know there is a bunch of like creators like Clark for example I don't know if you guys know Clark Clark is an amazing Tik Toker content creator who like when she saw what she was like yeah I've never had in pasta syndrome too like she she just like moves through life she must move through life like owning it and I remember I and I've met Clark in person and she literally is like that she moves through life like she owns life and I don't know if I can do that do you think it also has to do with the work right and like okay let me let me tell another story so this week my girlfriend went to Sundance right she was in the film and she went so I grabbed that okay right was so exciting right and I'm like okay she came back and she had this like she was having this crisis moment I was like what's going on because in I don't know the name of the publication but one of this popular publication yeah I saw that images it took her picture right and it was a photographer took a foot that took a picture but it didn't put any other person on the cast in there it was her and the titles like Jennifer Lopez and like all the different I saw the post yeah and she was like she was kind of you know weird existential crisis moment where she's like she's gonna stand wise she's in the article like it feels like but like you should be in the article because technically you were in the film at the festival yeah and she standing she looked beautiful but it's like why her she was like why her like why me so when you look at situations like that I'm like does that come from working really really like hard or maybe like she feels like she hasn't done and also she's also first-generation right yeah it's a huge part to play in it right I think we're so used to again shrinking ourselves right because I also know I know your girlfriend right and I know how hard she works like she works a lot right and I don't think we can figure out how to live life and coast through it I'm not saying anyone who doesn't have in position you hasn't worked hard I'm just saying that when it comes to like the things we've had to mentally deal with especially dealing with family and meddling family members and all this stuff it's a lot harder to not have imposter syndrome because your measure for success is way different from everyone else's like right now I swear you I can call my mom and tell her like I just got this amazing thing I almost will tell me oh so you're not going to go back to your old job at that nonprofit that was paying you in DC me like a mediocre salary that's why are you doing that instead you know I mean like for me that for her that's where my success is and that's where it needs to be and so even then for me I'm like okay well that means I have to prove something so every time I'm in spaces I'm constantly trying to prove to myself that I deserve to be there when the fact that I'm already there is proof enough for you know I mean and I think it's something like you have to unconsciously learn yeah I said buy us a wheel especially if you're an immigrant especially if you're someone who's first generation who's coming here by yourself trying to figure life out you don't know what the ceiling is especially in a country like America too if I do so many demons so many demons at any moment yeah I feel like oh my god am I gonna fall yeah like all the way to the start oh my god I feel like that 24 oh let me tell you this when I started making money as a creator my biggest fear was losing it and I didn't I think my first big check was like $90,000 from a deal for a makeup brand my first like huge like we're gonna be paying you 90k for six months deal what do I have to do and they said I'm only posting I think I posted three times for them three Instagram posts for 90,000 dollars that's it it didn't make sense it can't make sense it doesn't make sense to me I can't understand it because for me at that point when I first started I just put my phone up record a video post it and that's 30k actually when you've not done it for a couple of years like this is like your first game so I first year like what do you mean I don't deserve this somebody else deserves this like give this money to other people who deserve it like wow am I the one collecting but then I realized the amount of and this goes back to like that old commercial like do influences work harder than folks who do nine to five that that's all debatable it's not debatable influences don't work hard enough but it's true but in the moment in that moment then I really had to sit with myself and think do I deserve this and the answer was yes I've worked hard enough for that moment I like the things the planning that's going into this like the will the drive down paid hours of all led to this moment I we don't think about that when we first start right like when we're talking about journeys and previous episodes about how we've gone here like when I used to work in college to like pay my bills I used to like cook food for people I used to work at shop secondhand all those times where I would you know beg my friends for cameras to take photos were all times where I was waiting for moments like this that will pay off all those other times you know what I mean so even now I still struggle with that like when I get opportunities to walk a red carpet interview someone I'm like you think I should do this but then I realize yes like who else would do it who else would do it the way I would do it you know I mean that's the different I think that's really cool like someone like Kanye a genius right he's problematic but in many ways like being so unapologistically yourself and trusting your craft it's something that I want to learn to do in 2025 because there's no good that will ever come out of second guessing yourself yeah because if you second guess it so I mean it's like it was second guess you too I think that's not fair I smell gonja but I say like I'm just yeah like wait a minute and you're gonna keep it keeps you like I think bottom line is that reality is hard like reality is hard giving you reality that's one thing I've learned right it's like I'm someone who like you know me right it's like when things get a little bit uncomfortable I go into my shell I love it it's very nice yes I have a very nice shell you do you know you said very good care of your apartment your space you're very particular boy me I think like I've been it's been outside yeah you have yeah and let me tell you something let's tell you a story right now you guys so I just came off from a trip and if you know Donald Donald is very like Donald's in like stress like Donald is a very very I know exactly what I need to do I'm gonna go there I'm gonna put things out do this go home Donald's on the kind of person like you tell hey on your way here can you help me pick up exp I see no no no no no no no no you're mixing up his arrangement that's not the plan he just needs to get from point A to point B and do this just because that means maybe like he's hot I mean he has to move a jacket somewhere he doesn't like shit like that so already Donald comes I'm not I'm not here yet Donald's car he forgot his keys or something at home so already Donald's stressed out because now he has the way he already paints the money for the car park he's just upset and then I get home and my balcony door is off the hinge because of the wind in New York so like I don't know if y'all can hear some background noise a bit but the door is handy they screw the door shut because they don't know how to make sure it doesn't break open the middle of the night but that's all happening I could just see Donald like I could physically just see him trying his hardest once you just say I want to go home like he's trying his hardest to just be like I just want to go home like I want to go home shower be on the TV by his laptop and now outside it let me tell you in the car as I was sitting down right and I don't know why this happens to me because like I do okay financially I do okay you know and like today I hate when like to fix the requires a little bit more money and like the fact that I spent $30 extra then what that planned to spend today I knew you're so sad it true me like I'm just like and I was sitting at my car and I said I think I'm on my life I was like wait is this gonna affect like the month's budget am I gonna go over I'm I doing too much do you know what happened well I received a notification from credit karma and he says my credit score weighed down by two points so you know what was that saying I'm telling you I am like nothing was helping that situation like nothing was happening I would say Donald like just freaking out that's a good read on me though what what are you just said yeah I know you know that's crazy that's a good as read that's like I can myself okay is that a bad thing though no no it's not okay it's just a you thing like remember like I get so for example you guys I go I get Costco girl needs a lot don't all lives in Jersey so don't go pick up Costco go for me I would never ask don't do that he did it once and I swear that man was stressed like I feel like if you're not gonna pull out the hair it was fun though it was fun doing it you wouldn't do it again oh yeah oh yeah oh that's like I absolutely have to yeah no way like I remember I was gonna go shopping I went to Costco myself I thought about calling to you I was like no because I'm gonna tell this man's go back to Costco and come back but I was like the morning right I'm like you're not gonna do it I just like I know I just know you know how stressed you get right anyways yeah I feel like I don't know I'm really proud of you though I'm really proud of how far you've come and how far we've come in like pushing past our fears and our mind because I think one of my biggest podcasters I also listen to his melt robins and she talks a lot about imposter syndrome and like let them theory that the other you can't control everybody or anything around you so you just let things happen right and I think we're imposter syndrome is the same thing I'm just learning to let things happen and trust that I am well equipped to handle anything that comes my way because I am like I'm prepared for it and if I'm not I can wing it like I can fix it till I make it because that's what we all do so that question tell me do you think we're going to make it in life yeah absolutely I'm going to have a private jet that is solar powered because it's gonna be good for the environment Elon wants to probably gonna be the ones to figure it out but he will and all my friends are gonna be so rich and comfortable and they're all gonna have their babies and their husbands and wives and marriages and all that stuff and I'm gonna just be the big auntie who's gonna say kids are gonna call their big mommies and their mums and tell them I am going to be going coming to pick up the girls and the boys and everybody in between so they should all have their landing pads ready and me and my jet gonna pick them up and we're gonna go to Tokyo Disney for like three days because we're gonna have that much money to spoil every single person in my life that's my dream so I know I'm going to make I have to make it like and I want like oh my mom to have her own house my brother and his kids to have their own house I want I want you to like be super successful like I want to make a name for myself right right and this talking like this I never used to do right and I think we sometimes keep our dreams in our heads because we're so scared to say them out for fear that they would never come to pass yeah this year I literally said I want to go on a cruise I want to go back back in across Europe I want to travel more I want to make more money I want to be a million in this year I want to sell this podcast out to production company like I'm literally speaking the things I want out right already for genre as it ended yet four or five four of like six of what I just said is already happened like I'm going email saying do you want to go here do you want to travel here do you want to do this I'm looking like mm-hmm who's listening who's who what's going on and it's not anything but speaking things out because what we all tend to do is like hide our dreams behind our brains like oh you know like no one knows if nobody knows and you don't even know because you've been upset out loud it's not going to happen but once you start speaking your dreams out I'm telling you you even have to start guilty yourself into making it happen yeah like if you told yourself this year I want to do this every day if that's in the back of your mind you're going to do it and one way or the other you're going to make sure you're doing things to lead to that goal like now I said I want to travel more before I would never think of a googling flight so do now I'm like on google half the time like let me see a flight here what can I go here what am I going to do here let's apply for visas here where can my green card take me like now I'm doing all these things because I know that's what I want to do and the biggest thing I'll tell myself this year those like I'll be so disappointed if we don't back back across Europe I know we're doing it but I'm like that's like that'll be the one thing that I know would break my heart if we don't do that because if we do that though I am forever changed yeah because that would show me that I am on such a different level than anything else all right guys yeah pretty interesting quick lesson okay and I think you guys can do this quick assignment if you've ever thought about doing something or like if you're thinking about and you've done it before I think it's worth looking back and seeing the time the times when you've asked yourself like oh like I want to do this thing I want this thing and see that those are the things that actually come to life some call me manifestation because I know back right people how we met every single successful and amazing thing that's happened in my life has come from like the things that actually like on a polygetic regis went like you know like I have a company where I work with creators there's nothing in my I went to school for like social work in psychology and I went to film school all those things do add up to the kind of person I am but it's just because I was asking like from the first client to the second client to say yeah so if you really look back I think you'd be able to see like a pattern and if you haven't then I think maybe something you should try no for sure okay we're gonna do like a low like imposter syndrome starter pack so if you're like okay so if you all have been talking about imposter syndrome what it is we're gonna like talk about a few things that would be a part of like this being an imposter syndrome and if you have or you think these kind of things we're gonna talk about how to like combat it okay so first thing you guys is like over analyzing every achievement so thinking that I actually do that or that I just get lucky everything you do you deserve you it's yours no questions asked no reason to doubt that no need to question because who else would have gotten it that person you're comparing yourself to comparison is a thief of joy be content be happy be proud of yourself stop over analyzing that achievement you did it and if you did not get that achievement it wasn't yours to begin with and that's the difference I feel we tend to get into the cycle where we think we should have gotten something and someone else gets it and then we start beating ourselves up like why did I get it one thing that's changed our perspective of things is I tend to always compare myself to people forgetting people have backstories and that's what was my good reminder so I always saw myself okay there's this creator who like people always compare me to right and I'm like if she gets something and I did it I'll be like hmm why didn't I get it and I think to myself I wonder if she has two parents or one I don't know if she's an immigrant or she's not I don't know she has a trust fund or she doesn't I don't know if she has money or she doesn't I don't know if she has a supportive friend group or she doesn't I don't know what she lives on you know I mean like I don't know when she has an agent you know I mean like I start asking not to necessarily to like poke myself for her down what to remind myself of the path we're all taking because my path is so different from her path or their path or your path I think that is something like we need to constantly remember when we compare people we forget that human beings are so multifaceted and that wind that maybe you didn't get what she got or they got might have been something that would change their life in the best because they deserved a needed that wind and your wind is going to be coming you don't know when but you know when it does come you deserve it because you've worked hard for it so that's one that's number two that's number two come oh wait that's true number two is comparing yourself to industry giants who I just really touched on like yes I did this cool project but obviously what they did like comparing yourself to me just talked about that comparison is always a thief of joy twenty twenty three my vision board I usually write like little quotes I think that I know was like my biggest problem the year before so excuse me for example in terms of into I compared oh my days oh I was in the silent competition with these girls oh Sophie I couldn't post an Instagram post that going to the person's page and that person's page to make sure what are they doing here how did they do that why am I not getting that I was in a tizzy and then so for two and three I told myself comparison as a thief of joy and then for twenty twenty four the thing that was my quote was I'm always we keep we what is it like we keep the promises we make to ourselves yeah what was I think in my mirror I forget it that's crazy yeah yeah yeah you succeed when you keep the promise you you make to yourself something like that um basically like succeed in because I keep the promise I mean so and then for two and twenty five let's do it afraid so like basically like the year before what are things I struggled with and how am I gonna end up doing them so again comparisons the thief of joy remember that dismissing compliments like a pro women do this so freaking much oh my days my agenda and every other person that science to be a woman whoo we cannot take oh my god you're doing so well oh no no no no no no no you are I'm telling you like that's something that I feel like I got called out on a law in college when someone will tell me like I'm doing so and I'm like oh think I know and I would always say thank you I know because I know and that might come off as cocky some people hate it some people were like would never say I know I like to say it and it always makes people around me laugh they're like oh my god so if you hear you go but I know you know I mean like if you see how well I'm doing why would you feel why do you need me to put myself down because you're complimenting that right why don't even uplift me more for it I want more people to say thank you I know and I'm not saying I know to be braggie even though it doesn't mean matter like I'm not saying I know to be annoying or to be upbeat I'm just saying it because I generally know how hard I worked I'm really really proud of how hard I worked for that I won't you to know I know I'm proud of it and I'm appreciating you by saying thank you for recognizing how hard I've worked because what happens when you say oh thank you so much and I'm shy of being humble it's fake humility I can pretend to be fake humble but I'm not because I know I know I've worked hard and I think once we start owning that it's different like men never say oh my god no stop it no they say oh yeah I was gonna say thank you like most guys are just like yeah yeah even when they don't work hard yeah oh like yeah you do so well oh yeah like yeah you know I mean like because that's literally what it is like the confidence to own your shit essentially okay number four is feeling like you're faking it so one day everyone realized I have no idea what I'm doing this is my biggest crutch and why I think I feel like I haven't passed the syndrome is because I feel like one day people are gonna look and be like how does she get here because I also ask myself how I got here so I feel like I don't know what I'm doing and I when I look at people around me which goes me back to me being comparing that comparing myself to that's what I think I have in processing I know I have it it's because I also compare myself right I'll go back and think okay how do I get here what are they doing like oh they went to school for this I didn't go to school for I can't get that oh I maybe I should do it this way instead of that way like what if someone's what I'm in the red carpet I don't say the right things but this person is saying the I think it's okay your path is your path for a reason it's okay to feel anxious about it but also just knowing that you're not going you're not fraud you're not faking you're simply learning as you go that's one thing I'm sorry thinking obviously I'm learning as I go what's your relationship to failure right I think in the moment where you make a decision right like a bold decision yeah and it fails but it's like it's the wrong one what's your relationship to that I learn from failure law I think because I'm watch I'm a triad because you know we talked about failure a bit like I don't think you ever fail because you never stop trying and what is the Arbinger for failure like who is telling you you failed like for example the video you posted the marathon like you said oh you go 36 views you might think oh I failed because that's a terrible view count you never f***ing know because you never know in two weeks whether that video is going to blow up or not true whether if you change the thumbnail it's going to get 20,000 views change something like 3,000 and keep going right I mean like that's literally what it is with videos and content just life in general it's like you're going to constantly keep trying like the only thing I can't imagine what I could potentially do right now that would be looked at as a failure unless like I'm getting effigrating like school it's your good point right because it happens to me a lot in business right I think in business like I make very bold decisions because I have to yeah I have to trust my god yeah and like sometimes my god's like trust me to do good yeah well like what is that like financially it's like maybe we can send in the monitors or what I think it's financially process understanding people because remember there in certain places like that in certain situations you genuinely just like have clear lack of education yes like you're making an uneducated confidence yes yeah and I think I'm not because you can always learn from things I think is how do you go out of that because sometimes like that blow is harder than other blows yes and it's different especially if it's new then it's like oh how do you trust yourself again to do it again and I think you're so right but I also think you just literally just do you just trust yourself because even when you think about the failure and what you're talking about right now in business you're the only one who's telling yourself you failed at it true no one else is like nobody knows yeah like besides you and your head the entire world might just be coasting by underneath you know I don't want to say I failed look at me I didn't do good no and that's the crazy because if you go three four weeks and you're like oh my god like I'm a figure all of this you would watch the world move on and I think that's the craziest reality it's like if you don't do shit you just watch the world and you're like no one gives a shit nothing happened because because we forget that human nature is so like everyone's going through their own personal journeys yeah right so even the battles within ourselves I might be looking at you like if I'd gone past you I did not have any video didn't do well I saw it I was like I'm so happy you keep posted that video I have not once looked at a few counts you probably have looked at the 20 million times yeah I have no one's looked at it I know people who go on my vlogs and tell me how they love my videos and my vlogs are doing so well that's so probably they love my YouTube channel and I'm like that channel is terrible like my vlog channel is going on in here scratch it I'm like I'm failing at it and everyone's like no you're doing so well oh that's crazy I'm doing so well now I am you know I mean like we're fighting mental battles instead of just like constantly commending ourselves because what would it look like if instead of constantly telling yourself you're not doing well saying you're doing even better because you're posting and so right now you're our margin for success isn't all the videos are doing well it's I posted seven times this month when I used to post seven times in four years you know what I mean like you're doing so well and so I think reframing that in your head even changed a lot for me okay we're going to move on to another point number five constantly learning never feeling good enough so we just talked about like just one more course one more tutorial then I'll be legit just one more maybe I need to get that camera if I just get the camera I'm gonna start posting if I just get a new iPhone if I just talk to this person if I just get that job if I just if I just if I just if I when I started it was on a whim it was nothing fancy I used to borrow cameras I know people who started with nothing because the only thing you should be thinking about is passion and how best you can share your passion with what you're able to do at that moment because people who aren't interested and bought into you would be interested in you regardless no matter if you have the fastest cameras or the cheapest gear as long as you're able to share your passion I promise that's all you need because you're ever going to be fulfilled by that and that growth happens right growth is natural like if you start posting 10 videos to your iPhone and you're like okay now I feel like I want to try a new camera make sense if I want to start doing this course I'm like oh I've passed this course I want to do something else like growth is natural it's a process and keep on keep on going it's also okay so just start where you are at because again if you're not starting where you're at then you're comparing yourself and I I tell Donald this a lot now what I'm trying to do to combat imposter syndrome is whenever we brainstorm for content ideas or work stuff we always tend to like Google stuff on YouTube because we're in an information age right where everything has been done in a way what we're losing is authenticity when we do that because if we didn't have these gadgets this social media if we didn't have anything else and we just sat and thought of an idea and executed it without looking at anything else it will probably the most us thing where are we could have done without anybody else like this podcast is so us like everything we're saying right now is a mix of like oh what do we what how do we want to start we had a whole plan to start the podcast we started crazy okay we went from menstruating to how men need to stop all gets in me whatever whatever to not talk about imposter syndrome it was not planned this is not like some structure that needs to it just it flows authenticity is going to win especially when we think about like not to get sciencey now like the advent of like AI coming in and technology authenticity is going to become the new currency like how can you make sure you're truly who you are and you're just not talking through what child GBC is telling you you know I mean I think that's important when you also think of imposter syndrome because you can't compare yourself to machines now you can compare yourself like the world is gonna keep getting better and bigger and you you don't want to constantly keep comparing yourself to the next thing and the next thing because people who go viral on TikTok right now get viral because it's just their hands talking on the screen sometimes just their lips so it's just their face like it's just them on camera sometimes their fancy cameras sometimes they're not like it doesn't matter because as long as your passion is showing through you'll be very okay all right number six is avoiding celebrating wins this is huge for me too don't all the same thing we don't celebrate our wins yeah and honestly again this was like two years ago wasn't I started like I think it was 25 was a big age for me 2526 those those ages are the time when I started thinking about slowing down and actually enjoying where I'm at because again imposter syndrome makes you want to constantly chase the next best thing and for me I'm realizing it's okay to celebrate where I'm at and actually enjoy the process to get to the next day you're very intentional I think like I've been so intentional now when we first started working I would see you celebrate like I remember you know the first first time first channel we started yeah we hit a thousand subscribers and then I looked at my phone I go on the occasion we was like oh drizzly the end of drizzly now I have something coming I was gonna say the name right y'all didn't sponsor the drizzly is coming and I'm like baby what is that and she sent me a bottle of champagne champagne and I was like nobody had ever done that like before yeah and I come with family where like nobody buys nobody anybody like celebrate like everyone is just like moving again I'm telling you like it's like the I don't want because I know the immigrant families are celebrating their wins but like where I come from like we don't like even my friends don't like I love my friends shout out to my friends like I had to really remind my friends to celebrate me remember don't worry because at first right and that's like it's important to listen because at first I was like man like she wants to celebrate like everything it's like plan to it's like you know this I wrote the first I remember like hundred days of walking like you're like nah but I'm like in my head I'm like you know this shit is crazy you know honestly it's just a random thing to say why would we celebrate everything I'm telling you the random shit and people will be how many days I've got you know how many you know like I was like best students in geography yeah best students and it's a great exercise like do you know how many things that I did like nah you haven't got them to jillifress you know what it's like a bunch of kids yeah and teachers yeah my parents and all day I'm just like wow there wasn't no y'all I think about it a lot as a growing up and all these things impacted us now I remember like I just hit ten thousand we just hit ten oh my god we hit ten thousand dollars on the podcast um I think a week ago now or two or so ago I'm so proud of this podcast y'all and I remember I was I was so sad that because I was like oh this is so huge and none of my friends already went around me celebrated it and I remember thinking what you passed me that's a that's iconic y'all yeah I remember thinking I can't celebrate me and I realized I can't keep waiting around for people around me to celebrate me when I'm going to celebrate myself for you know I think I took myself out to dinner I like did a little like celebration for myself and I said things for myself how how can I start celebrating me and my achievements because also when you're constantly going to be achieving really cool stuff at some point no one's gonna be able to keep up and that's what you want right you want this again to the point where your friends are like what else what else you want to do right and I'm really proud of the fact that I'm taking the time to sit in it because I remember when we took a watch ten thousand dollars I was like okay like my first step my first thought was okay we need to go to the next one like no no no no we've I've done it like for a brand new podcast just me yapping on a couch in my apartment we're done old and we're just talking random shit we don't know what we're doing but we're doing it anyways we're doing really well yeah I'm really proud of us so we're gonna keep celebrating our wins because there's no imposter syndrome here anymore after this episode sometimes you think it's it's bad but like wait till you see the people who are in zero yeah yeah okay another one is having a stacked portfolio and still feeling behind like sure I've worked with big creative voice not that impressive that is like when I think about all the brands I've worked with and I'm like well I'm still not doing enough like New York Fashion Week is coming up right now and I'm like I like you know these brands haven't dressed me yet I really want to work with Kate Spade they've not reached out yet I want to work with a quantsmith and I'm like what do I need to do what do I need to be I already have this amount of followers how much is like enough ah so fee enough because you're always gonna keep chasing the next best thing but I'm just simply accepting the one is your time is your time and owning that because like it really is just that like I can have these big dreams and still understand that I'm killing it for what it is a really good friend Javier I don't know Javier knows best yeah she said something that I think is a good point here she said rather than studies of grades but also study yourself right and I think you know because you're like having a stacked portfolio right it's like I remember when I used to make music videos there was no point where I felt like an imposter I would look at a director X right it was like the guy who made a hotline blink for Drake and like there was no point to that was like why can't make that video yeah I think the reason is because there's something about like curating your portfolio and reflecting on it yeah and like watching that like it makes you reminds you I think like in social media the difference is like we don't have that you don't have your portfolio somewhere where you can go again academia right it's not a b c d m g it's so spread out it's so spread out so there's something it's also like you're you're playing a losing game if you're constantly comparing yourself right because there's no like there's no blueprint to how this is going to go the industry is so new too and I think even at work corporate life and stuff right like everything is so new and it's so different like even when you talk about director X and doing music videos you're doing that in a country with everyone who looked like you right it's a different game because you're not competing with anyone else for racism or financial problems you know it's just it was just vibes where I'm passionate and who you know and who you don't and it's just it's different yeah and so like I like to say just learning to not also compare itself to the biggest grades because again you're in that's nowhere you are at that moment I remember like when we talk about it now every time I search for like a video idea on YouTube I like to change the subscribe subscriber count to like my subscriber count so I'm like okay if I'm trying to do it this video I'm not going to look at a Mr. Beast because that makes no sense or business been doing this since he was 12 years old or 10 years old I wouldn't get somebody who started around the same time as me right or who looks like me or who's doing this this way because in that way it makes more sense to look at what they're doing if I want to emulate it if I want to get inspiration from it and so on another thing is ignoring past successes I think like that's something that we always talk about too is forgetting to take the time out again to celebrate yourself be proud of yourself know know that you're doing enough and I tend to always like forget that like the amount of times people would tell me oh you did this I'm like oh I did and I was every time I do like you know like 2024 I did every year people do like recaps and stuff and I remember I never take the time to go back to my channel whatever to say oh I want to look back and see what I've done because I just I just didn't have the time or sometimes I didn't have the time my goal now is take the time to look through the past year the past couple of years and I do that sometimes I do like snapshot dumps now where I'll like just go through like the months I just did a dump for like 2022 March and that was my first time going to L.A. meeting my management team and I'm like the fact that I've known my team since I didn't even think about that the fact that I wasn't L.A. at that point and I was in that zone I'm watching old Sophie and seeing how far I've come from now it makes me feel so proud of how far I've come but how far I know I'm still going to be going because I can't imagine myself in three years what that's going to look like too so I'm just I'm really proud of us I don't want to say that a lot in this episode but in pasta syndrome stills joy right it stills creativity stills your passion it stills reality and it stills the truth because the truth is the only game you're playing is with yourself right the only person you should be competing with is yourself right and even then you're never competing negatively competing positive so if you really want to be the best version of yourself you already know that at the points you are at you're at your current best does that make sense like right now me and Donald were at the best version of ourselves right now you know he gets better and it only gets better and so if I want to do something else I know I'm attacking that from the best version of myself and no one if you're looking at me right anyway so if I don't think I'm at the best version of myself yet who's deciding that you are so why not just start telling yourself you're at the best version of yourself right now because there's so many things that you probably don't even have control over that you're having to navigate to decide to be the best version of yourself right now just do it allow yourself think you're the best version of yourself and I say my biggest thing is always fake it till you make it because we're all doing that no one on earth knows how we start versus how we end no one knows exactly what you need to go exactly what you need to do like we can all do the exact same workout from the exact same start point till the end and have various results yeah because human nature is that we're all such individuals and what we do so it makes sense that when we're chasing our dreams and our goals that we're all going to have different results the goal is to make sure you're doing it at your best and you have to feel your best look your best decide you feel your best and look your best it's very easy to find success what is this don't you put something else on my thing yes I wanted to share something okay okay so this is a director his name is Doc Ball okay you know he goes he goes by Flex God Gaps and he's the director of Bad Emblegee the amigos yeah popular commercial director and he posted this thing and he's someone who moved from you remember this song no key scene there yeah right so that was his first music video oh okay this is a music video and they're like when he did it like he was good she had no body I remember first seeing it and then he blew up right and you know he posted this I thought was very interesting it was like if you want to make it in the creative industry here's my advice oh I love that so first thing it says is it's strictly business do not let pride or emotions interfere with the best decision humble pie doesn't taste very nice but make decisions for the long run not for the right now humble pie humble pie doesn't taste very nice I am learning that so hard right now because when I talk let me know stop yelling okay what's with two humble no for real oh yeah yeah yeah when we go out walking to a room we're like hello yeah I got hi guys no no no no because again confidence right owning it and especially because like as a black woman even as a black man you're oftentimes trying to shrink yourself so you're not overcome as you're not too loud like confidence is not rude it's not confidence is not rude I like that right another thing he says is you can't please all the people all the time people please are so free ask me to so whether it's film musical photography find your voice and be known for that when I tell you guys the amount of calls I've gotten about the podcast and how raunchy sometimes it can be out crazy it is how out there it is I'm like am I too loud as a fucking they were the podcast that was the point I want you to see me in a different light because I am human I exist in different facets and different ways and I am me and you can never fix there's no other oddity I can't think of another creator who creates the way I do I dare you there's no podcasts like this that exists with the conversations we have the way we have it yeah there's no social media exists the way we do it even if we're trying to even if we say we want to copy someone else's content we still end up making it just like us because we're very individual and we're our own people and I want anyone who's watching it to be their oddity like be your oddity be unique be the odd person in your center in your grouping in anything you're chasing because your voice is so important and the audacity to just chase your dreams exactly the way you want it and tell me your iconic okay everything is hard getting money is hard being broke is hard being graces hard being a loser is hard winning is hard so if it's all hard then I say you're about oh I'm bang I was trying my dad that's like I'm in need let me read that again okay everything is hard is it me trying you know we're going to see you guys I'm from you I'm from the yoruba line which is like a ethnic group in night from the cosine Jerry from Nigeria sorry my dad is from Washington state though and if you're yoruba the letter H is really really hard to pronounce okay so we tend to struggle it's called H factor so this particular thing says everything is hard getting money I don't know how to say hard being broke is hard being graces hard that shows your heart honestly it's not hard that it's so hard huh I'm so wicked okay next one it says it's a lonely road don't get offended that your inner circle doesn't understand your that's what I was talking about with like the gifting don't get upset or offended your inner circle doesn't understand your goals path or vision just keep grafting someone special told me that too recently when I was complaining kind of I was like oh my friends and acknowledge like my podcast and anything like that she was just like it's okay that it didn't because you understand your visions you understand your goals you understand where you're going so just keep going it was really special when you're down and things aren't going your way dig deep to find resilience and patience every dog has its day your dates who shall come the quicker you realize that nobody owes you anything the better off you would be this is important luck equals preparation meets timing do your 10,000 hours but but also put yourself in as many situations as you can so you rub shoulders with the right people this I'm trying to do now yeah I get really uncomfortable in social situations because I'm a chameleon I shape shift and if you spend enough time with me I feel like you realize that okay I don't really know who this person is and that's not a bad or a good thing it's just a thing because I think living in America too it's hard to figure out where I fit in and I'm always going to stand out well what are you smiling do you think I'm like that too yes you are you know why I say so why I think that's the reason why I want to stay indoors because sometimes I don't recognize myself I don't know who I am outside when I actually when I'm yapping oh my god and I think and I'm so good at it I'm so great at it I am a liar I don't know tell me I'm like I'm so scary because America will make you turn into a different person and I'm telling this to like right now the person I am we're done all just sitting here when we're talking this is me right this is me comfortably this is Sophie yapping my mouth is big I say some crazy shit we don't edit it out this is me when I'm at an event and an event it's like 70% white 10% other sort of races there's brands there managers there's this there's that I have to be someone else honestly that I'm not me I'm me plus the added experience of being a black woman who's a creator in America who wants to succeed right so it's a mental dance that I'm doing and it is so exhausting to oftentimes put on that dance because I can't I can't exist without that dance involved like it's always an add to it if I'm out of fashion week event I have to be snapped this way I have to be doing this thing this time needs to make sure I'm talking to this part I just want to be my people I want to be to say my itch factor and I want to be to like speaking in accent I speak here about it I can't It's a different dance than what I'm used to it's interesting that he says that but I'm learning to rub the right shoulders but also just still be myself right still learn to maybe even have at the end of the day I think I want to get to the point in life where I am so unapologetically myself that it doesn't matter this cycle of thoughts is perfectly normal I have a great idea let me execute this is dumb this is dumb this is dumb I'm not good enough out number one is I have a great idea let me execute and then after that this is dumb I'm not good enough I'll push through anyways hmm this is pretty good self-doubt never completely vanishes you just have to tell the little voice in your head to shut the fuck up yeah this is so true Donald that's what I said Donald I'll tell you that's what I'm going to show because you write me what I saw it because that y'all this is Donald for to the tea like if one thing else like also oh my god you're so like don't do so like you're so overprotective you're very like I want I want a certain thing and if it doesn't go this way it doesn't work out yeah and the one other times I've had to like just let you sit with yourself for a minute and then come back to you and say we're still doing it this way I can always see you like trying to push but what you're working on I see that but you tend to because you're creative at heart and you see the vision but I don't think I think you forget to see that the vision can come in different ways and it's okay if the vision gets like a little thing and a little shift and a little move and growth here and they ended it up because I didn't do like I suppose it supposed to be and if it's not executed perfectly it's okay because like things deserve to change and switch anyways I like that you saw this too then okay another one says nobody's coming to save you make yourself useful you should be an asset to someone that's already working figure out how to make their creative life easier and hopefully their work overflow trickles down to you at the top everyone is good at what they do what separates you a lot of times is if you're likable or not this I realize too it's huge especially in a country like America you want to be likable you want to be someone that people remember because she was so sweet she was so nice she was so bubbly you want to be memorable so whatever that looks like I understand that if you don't ask the answer is no close mouths don't get fed to get over your fear of rejection this is so me I ask every time I am the one who's asking questions who's taking notes every time nobody cares work harder in posses syndrome can tell it tries to tell you won't want oh my god I'm so sad I'm so this I'm so sad that on the other day nobody cares you just have to keep working hard because that's all you can do why is this thing so loud you know I wish you could get my door to you after hatred now it's just like you didn't hear the sound yeah it's so loud you guys and then last thing is everything sounds crazy until someone does it why not you right that is me it's so funny because I was just talking to Donald bothers I have a really good friend of mine call me right before we film this podcast and he was going off he was like Sophie what the fudge is wrong with you why are you going online talking about the last time you had sex was two weeks ago and why are you talking about like your relationship status so like whether or not you're gay or not what did that all these things and I was like you're stressing me out I was so stressed for you and I was just laughing because I was like if I don't do it who will where how many African women are coming online to tell you they had sex two weeks ago or how many African women are telling you that um they might be gay or not how many African women are sitting here telling you they're scared that there were those their mothers worst nightmare how many African women are telling you they are not sure where they fit in in an American space how many African women are sitting here telling you what their dreams are what their goals are they probably a lot of African women who are telling you but maybe I'm the loudest one right now maybe I mean we know maybe I'm a part of a group of women I want to see more of us um so I don't give a fucking shit because if there's no one else doing it I would love to be the first person to start guys I just want to say it's maybe one of my favorite episodes so far because this was a solid episode from the beginning to the end so it's a solid episode I feel like this podcast is just it's crazy because when I started this my biggest comparison to like podcasting is like MR Chamberlain's anything goes call her daddy by Alex Cooper cocktails and takeaways by Madam Joyce um I think it was a three-dike would work watch see like whatever I'm doing something about to say what what are you like it's you're seeing it have a life of his own yeah and I thought I wanted to be like them right because I thought that was what success looked like for me and so when I started out and like it just it was it's weird to see where the podcast is going now and just how it's shaping up to be I don't know what's working and what's not I don't know what we're doing so I'm so happy because we see the feedback and I'm surprised that that's the episode that you guys like or I'm surprised that like this is how you feel about this thing because like what's the point of even like trying to shape or fit into anything when we're just going to constantly be loud as fuck for no fucking reason yeah no I'm I'm excited I think I might slow this my baby it's our baby now essentially and I literally just landed for a fucking hours ago and I'm sitting here because we need to make sure this podcast comes out to 10 p.m. and I feel just I don't know I'm really happy don't I am so grateful that I have this I don't know I mean I don't know what to say guys this is going to be our year yeah um fucking process syndrome I like that I did this right after the um my mother's worst nightmare episode because I feel like this feels in tandem with that um there's so much I I want for myself it's so much I hope to get and I think for a Donald two I'm really proud of us I just I don't know I just I feel good about this episode I feel good about where we are um I want you guys to know that I don't know what I'm doing but I'm confidently doing it is that makes sense like I think I was I was gonna say I don't know what I'm doing but I don't I'm not imposter so I'm confidently not knowing what I'm doing right meaning I can't tell you what's right or wrong but I can tell you that I'm going to constantly do it like I'm going to always be on this train of I'm figuring it out but I will always be confident about anything I do or put out there I'm doing it to the best of my ability and I'm really proud of myself and how far we've come so that is the end of today's episode I will see you guys next week because we're an episode next month oh my no because we're still gonna be in no we're not after this episode we're gonna be in February finally January was so long you guys oh my god what's jesus but no no I'm telling you because it's gonna go out next month this is gonna go out in February so happy new month happy new month you guys it's finally February happy black history month um if you celebrate I was thinking of quanta I don't know why you say we're in black history month I feel like I'm in black history you don't black history month we never have black history month what if you guess castle that'll be very stupid you never fucking know again hashtag please all right guys we love you very much we'll see you in our next episode and when do we think we're going to end season one of the podcast I'm thinking episode 25 why 25 because I love 25 where does 25 get us we should do that off camera all right we love you guys see you next week bye guys